Being kind
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Posts: 108
Being kind
I've seen this phrase a lot on this site...'be kind to yourself'. It has been bouncing around in my head this weekend so I'm gonna ramble.
I'm a kind person...everybody who's met me would probably agree with that. Until this morning, I thought I was kind to myself too. But I'm not. I berate myself for failures, ignore pains and other side effects of years of weekend binges, eat the worst food imaginable, never exercise, work myself into a lather just thinking about my guilty past drunken actions. Self-esteem? What's that? If I had a friend who treated me this way, I'd get rid of them pronto!
Earlier I posted a list of my plans to stay sober. It was too lofty and picture perfect. I'm reducing it to one for now. Explore what it truly means to be kind to myself. I think if i gave even 10% of the effort I make to keep everyone around me happy and healthy, I'd be surprised how easily everything else might fall into place.
Day 1, here I am.
I'm a kind person...everybody who's met me would probably agree with that. Until this morning, I thought I was kind to myself too. But I'm not. I berate myself for failures, ignore pains and other side effects of years of weekend binges, eat the worst food imaginable, never exercise, work myself into a lather just thinking about my guilty past drunken actions. Self-esteem? What's that? If I had a friend who treated me this way, I'd get rid of them pronto!
Earlier I posted a list of my plans to stay sober. It was too lofty and picture perfect. I'm reducing it to one for now. Explore what it truly means to be kind to myself. I think if i gave even 10% of the effort I make to keep everyone around me happy and healthy, I'd be surprised how easily everything else might fall into place.
Day 1, here I am.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
My plan for staying sober is very simple. Don't drink alcohol. If I don't do that, then I will remain sober. 
It's dealing with that voice in my head that is constantly encouraging me to drink alcohol that's a pain in the butt to deal with. I think I have a handle on him now, though. I learned a lot from reading around the various forums on this site. If you haven't yet, give them a chance. Maybe you will find what you're looking for. Or at least something useful.
It's dealing with that voice in my head that is constantly encouraging me to drink alcohol that's a pain in the butt to deal with. I think I have a handle on him now, though. I learned a lot from reading around the various forums on this site. If you haven't yet, give them a chance. Maybe you will find what you're looking for. Or at least something useful.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
I always found it hard to envisage how i should love myself, it sounded concieted or selfish or just daft .... do i kiss a mirror ?
The technique i found was to imagine myself as an adult , laying all of this stuff onto a small 5 year old child version of me . This is only as a mental excersise to see how i feel telling the things i tell myself to someone obviously weaker and deserving of love . It was a great revalation to me how brutal and tough i was on myself, how poorly i feed and looked after myself .
It's a useful mental gauge to see if i'm truely caring for myself and treating myself kindly or if i'm emotionaly abusing myself, forcing myself to work to hard , having unrealistic goals and not cairing for my basic needs and wants of sleep, food, warmth, cleanliness and so on .
Perhaps it will be useful to someone else who had'nt thought of it like that as well, and find it hard to get a handle on "loving yourself"
Bestwishes, M
The technique i found was to imagine myself as an adult , laying all of this stuff onto a small 5 year old child version of me . This is only as a mental excersise to see how i feel telling the things i tell myself to someone obviously weaker and deserving of love . It was a great revalation to me how brutal and tough i was on myself, how poorly i feed and looked after myself .
It's a useful mental gauge to see if i'm truely caring for myself and treating myself kindly or if i'm emotionaly abusing myself, forcing myself to work to hard , having unrealistic goals and not cairing for my basic needs and wants of sleep, food, warmth, cleanliness and so on .
Perhaps it will be useful to someone else who had'nt thought of it like that as well, and find it hard to get a handle on "loving yourself"
Bestwishes, M
Last edited by mecanix; 02-10-2013 at 04:59 AM. Reason: spelling miztake ;)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 45
I love this thought. I often talk bad to myself and put myself down and I have been making a strong effort to not do that, to practice mindfulness. I will be kind to myself today. I will stop the negative thoughts as soon as they start! Glad to know you guys will be doing this too You are beautiful.
You are beautiful.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Hey C4B, I TOTALLY relate to that!! It was one of my biggest faults before I got sober six years ago. I was nicer to everyone else except me and even these days I get caught up in that.
I hope you can learn to be better to yourself, it does take some practice because we're not used to putting ourselves before everyone else and also knowing when to say "no".
Maybe put a note up to yourself so you see it everyday to remind yourself that you need to do something nice for you.
Another thing that I also did (may sound silly, but it totally worked for me) was stand in front of the mirror and tell myself how awesome I was and what a good person I am and how I deserved better than what I gave myself credit for... I cried the first couple of times, but after a while it was very empowering and it really lifted me up and put me in a better place.
We really need to be our biggest cheerleaders. Hope you are feeling better soon.
I hope you can learn to be better to yourself, it does take some practice because we're not used to putting ourselves before everyone else and also knowing when to say "no".
Maybe put a note up to yourself so you see it everyday to remind yourself that you need to do something nice for you.
Another thing that I also did (may sound silly, but it totally worked for me) was stand in front of the mirror and tell myself how awesome I was and what a good person I am and how I deserved better than what I gave myself credit for... I cried the first couple of times, but after a while it was very empowering and it really lifted me up and put me in a better place.
We really need to be our biggest cheerleaders. Hope you are feeling better soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Wonderful post!
I was like that, too. I was so hard on myself, while being kind to everyone else. I don't think I even noticed it until I was in recovery. I had to focus on my self-talk and it's still something that I work on. Good for you for recognizing how important this is.
I was like that, too. I was so hard on myself, while being kind to everyone else. I don't think I even noticed it until I was in recovery. I had to focus on my self-talk and it's still something that I work on. Good for you for recognizing how important this is.
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
C4B I know the feeling. I think thats a great way to make a new beginning. The first few weeks I just kept telling myself what someone told me.
'You never have to feel that way again'.
Its nice to keep it simple. I couldn't go from abusing and hating myself to loving myself overnight. Im still not there but one day at a time Ive gotten much closer.
'You never have to feel that way again'.
Its nice to keep it simple. I couldn't go from abusing and hating myself to loving myself overnight. Im still not there but one day at a time Ive gotten much closer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 430
Originally Posted by vegibean 
Another thing that I also did (may sound silly, but it totally worked for me) was stand in front of the mirror and tell myself how awesome I was and what a good person I am and how I deserved better than what I gave myself credit for... I cried the first couple of times, but after a while it was very empowering and it really lifted me up and put me in a better place.
Excellent thread c4b!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,574
Hi Change4. I was always very mean to myself, very critical. I'd replay in my head all the mistakes I'd made, all the failings - and it was devastating to my well being. It led me back to drinking almost every time, just so I could have some relief from my self-criticism and shame.
Joining SR really helped me with that. I learned to be kind and patient with myself as I healed. I'm glad you're doing some thinking about this. I know it will help you to grow stronger and more confident as you get well.
Joining SR really helped me with that. I learned to be kind and patient with myself as I healed. I'm glad you're doing some thinking about this. I know it will help you to grow stronger and more confident as you get well.
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