kelleyt

I'm such a mess over my Husband !! We are Seperated he is with his mother who enables him.. We have talked said he wanted to do counseling but he did sign the divorce papers cause he doesn't want to pay the sposal support .. Which he knows I need to keep my house .. He says he wants to be married none of his action back it up!! I'm so heart broken I love him and I hate myself that I do cause he could care less about me or my kids I'm so stupid he just moves on like nothing he loses nothing and I will lose everything and I'm sober thirteen years and have not used as he sits at his mothers with no bills she feeds him and buys him smokes.. I have no self esteem left.. I can't stop thinking what I did wrong he says all I want to do is fight I told him today that I was done and I'm going to sign the papers he said ok and hung up !!! Wtf I have to get over this !!! I have to stop calling him and wondering what he is doing or who he is with never caught him with anyone but he is an addict so I'm sure he has. I'm a mess I'm not even sure if he is clean ! He mother doesn't care if he uses at her house I need to be strong and I can't stick to
It the fear takes over and I call him please help me I don't want to be this person anymore

Recovering2

Dear kelleyt, welcome to this forum. I've been on this site for a few months, there is a mountain of experience and support here. Please read through the sticky's at the top of the page, they're really helpful.

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Unfortunately you have no control over your M-in-Law's actions. She may well have enabled him all his life, it's what she knows. And you have no control over what your husband does. You may have already read on here about the 3 C's: We didn't Cause it, can't Cure it, can't Control it. The only control you have is over your behavior and decisions.

Read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie. Find a local AlAnon meeting, it's an amazing community. Take care of your health, and set firm boundaries for yourself. I hope you have an attorney to help you with the divorce. If yes, let the attorney handle it and limit your contact with your husband.

Keep posting, sending you big Hugs.

Redheadsusie

So sorry you are feeling this way. This site has helped me a lot - whenever I feel weak like I want to contact Ah I come on here or call a friend. My Ah also lives with his Mom who enables him- we can't change that - we can just change and control ourselves. There is lots of good information here! Hugs-

kelleyt

What do u do ? How long has it been for u ?

dandylion

Dear Kelly, the thing that helped me the very most to fight off the kind of feelings that you talk about, was this----I wrote down several of the very worst times in the relationship and how I felt (at the time). I carried it with me everywhere, and, everytime I started to feel sad, or afraid, I would read it. Believe me--I did a lot of crying and a lot of reading that list!!! That was a long time ago--now, I can't remember what I thought was so great about him!

It is not uncommon for a person to feel a lot of overwhelming emotions with what you are going through. It is like grief---as if there has been an actual death, for some people. Remember that this is just a stage that you are going through, and it will pass. Just take it a day at a time and get all the support from others that you can get.

Lean on your friends in this forum as much as you need. So many of us have been in your shoes.

sincerely, dandylion

LexieCat

Hi, Kelley,

I second the suggestion of Al-Anon. And everything else stated above.

You said you are sober 13 years--are you in a 12-Step program? If so, you will feel right at home in Al-Anon. And even if you're not, you must take care of your own sobriety first.

I know it feels very overwhelming now, but you can come through this stronger and better than ever. Try to breathe, and trust that everything will be OK. It may be hard for a little while, but it will soon be better.