melanie1990

Today I officially have three days sober. I have had an interesting life and never really considered myself and alcoholic just someone who liked to drink and experiment. During college I really experimented with both drugs and alcohol. I met a guy when I was 17 and this is really where my life started to change and go downhill. I fell in love fast and slowly realized this guy was good at manipulating me as well as introduce me to cocaine and crack. I only did these drugs once or twice, but by allowing him to be abusive to me for four years (I lived with him) I began to drink slowly at first- but then it quickly turned into a almost daily habit. I began to weave drinking into almost everything I did- I worked and came home and the first thing I would do was make a drink. I would have a few and then my tolerance grew. I only drank vodka in fruity drinks or cranberry juice and never liked any other type of alcohol so I didn't think I had a problem. When I drink at first it seems ok but then slowly I drink more and more and drink so much that I even black out. I don't know why I kept drinking even after I was feeling drunk. I just like the drunk feeling too much I guess- until I'm really drunk then I feel guilty and confused. I met a guy who was in recovery and I drank in front of him a few times and it really does take one to know one because he politely told me I had an issue and I didn't believe him at first, but then really looked at my life and my mistakes in life. Almost every drama filled experience, fight, heartache, or mistake has come after I have had too much to drink. This guy isn't talking to me to put I'm assuming his recovery first. I am going to do the same even though I miss him a lot. I do see him at some meetings and have talked to him a few brief times. I am going to focus on myself and learn who I am as a person when I am sober and learn how to focus and deal with these feelings and just get comfortable walking through life sober. It isn't easy but it does feel good to know I am going to be the best person that I can be and my good will come my way- whatever is meant to be will be. I have a good job, great family, and awesome dog. I am young - 22 and have a lot to be thankful for- I do wish this guy would give me another chance but it is up to him and I am ok with that. I am excited to get to know myself and really develop my own sense of identity.

Received

Hi Melanie. I'm glad you found SR.

This part of your post really stuck out to me:

"but then really looked at my life and my mistakes in life. Almost every drama filled experience, fight, heartache, or mistake has come after I have had too much to drink"

I believe you're in the right place. Do you have a plan in place to address your alcohol issue?

kizzy40

lovely heartfelt post, thankyou for sharing welcome and good luck

debsam

Big welcome hug for you Melanie

You'll find a lot of encouragement and support.

Well done for taking the step to share a bit of your story...taking action is what gets us to where we want to be. Be proud of yourself for doing that

Melacole

Hi, Melanie. Welcome and thank you for sharing. This site is very helpful and you'll get lots of support here!