Yogagurl

My husband went on a binge over the weekend after one week of staying sober. He had initially tried a sober living home, but as soon as he came back to our home town, he used. And when he uses once, he doesn't stop until all his resources are spent.

He admitted that he needed to have an inpatient treatment program, which I have been telling him for the last couple of years. He FINALLY stepped up and I took the day off work to get him there. I feel guilty though. I feel bad that he is in there working his recovery and I have the freedom to live life they way that he wants to - healthy, sober, free from the ties of addiction. And I wish that I could have found him a facility that was really nice, but we don't have insurance and it's 30,000$ for 6 months.

Why do I feel bad for his choices and his disease?

Impurrfect

((Yogagurl)) - Don't know if this will help because I'm also an RA (recovering addict) as well as a recovering codie, but this is from my RA point of view.

I've never felt bad because someone is dealing with their addiction. Why? Because it took MY having loved ones step back and let me deal with the consequences I'd brought on myself. They gave me the dignity to live my life as I had chose, and went on to live their lives.

When I finally hit bottom, I realized I wanted to be a part of their lives again, but it was up to me. Recovery is the best thing that ever happened to me, as I finally grew up and became a responsible adult at the age of 45. Almost 6 years later, I'm STILL grateful my loved ones allowed me to dig that really deep hole of addiction and figure my way out.

So, maybe instead of feeling sorry for him (and I know the feeling, been there done that but no more), look at it as his opportunity to get his life back on track and learn better coping skills?

I didn't do rehab, as my DOC was crack and there's no medical withdrawal, just mental, plus there was no money. However, I spent time on the streets, in jail, etc. and that was, eventually, the eye opener I needed.

The fanciest rehab in the world isn't going to work unless he wants recovery, and he can find that anywhere.

I hope you use this time to work on you, what you want and need. He's where he needs to be and his recovery is totally up to him.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

dollydo

Possibly because now you will have to take a close look at yourself, shifiting the focus off of him and onto you. Can be quite scarey at tmes.

Hope this rehab works for him, getting and staying off of crack, requires alot of resolve and dedication. It is one nasty drug to overcome.

My best

Yogagurl

Thank you for your replies. I guess when you see someone that you love suffering, you really only want that suffering to cease. I have done my own soul searching and digging, and it is not fun to explor the psyche. I know that my husband has always self medicated and that he is stinted emotionally. He's a 12 year old living in a 32 year old body. When he gets passed the drug induced cobwebs, he will have to start to dig deeper to resolve things. That is painful. I understand that you come out a healthier person, but getting there is what makes me feel for him. It's a tough road that he has in front of him.

I have a support system and I am grateful for that. I will continue to work on me. I've been in the throws of the chaos of addiction for so long, that just the thought of him being somewhere I don't have to worry about him has given me a sense of peace. And I trust that this will eventually bring us to a stronger place in our marriage. I just can't fathom being so deeply controlled by something.

outtolunch

There's at least a 50-50 he will not work the program or stay.

Rehab does not cure addiction. Best case, it's an opportunity to teach a highly motivated addict some of the tools of recovery. It's not a magic bulllet cure. It will work if he works the program ( whatever the program) , for the rest of his life. He will live his life as he sees fit to do regardless of what you do, or not.

Please guard your own stability and future happiness and don't pin it on his outcome.

Yogagurl

First of all, thank you for all of your replies. Just getting these emotions off my chest is healing me. I see a therapist and attend al-anon on top of all this, but it seems like I need to talk. Like, I've been letting so much build for so long, it's like peeling an onion.

I just wanted to update all of you who had responded that my husband was only in the program for 3 days before he left. The facility was geared at helping homeless people get off the streets and he refused to stay there. Part of the program was that you were required to walk to meetings and to soup kitchens to eat, which I felt would be most beneficial to opening up his eyes. If I wasn't in his life, and he couldn't find another person to enable him, he would in fact be homeless.

I don't know what to do now, except to continue to plan a way out. I don't feel that he will be able to recover without serious help. He is an OUT OF CONTROL addict and he has only been off of drugs while he has been incarcerated. Any comments are welcome.

Love and light,
YG

Impurrfect

((Yogagurl)) - Sorry he didn't last very long. Is there any way you can separate your finances, put money aside that he can't get hold of? I do hope you can get out, ASAP. I've not been in that position, but I think it's best done quietly, as some A's can get violent when not allowed their money for dope. Please take care of you.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy