Charlener93

I come from a family of alcoholics, lost my father, aunt & uncle to it. My mom put the bottle down over 30 years ago and hasn't looked back. I have always known the perils of drinking and stayed above it most of my life. That changed 8 years ago. I was 36 and 8 months pregnant with my 3rd child, Haley, and feeling very good about life. My 12 year old daughter, Shelby, had just thrown my baby shower, the nursery was decorated and we were just waiting for the big day. Three days later, Shelby came home from cheerleading practice with severe abdominal pain. We took her to the Children'd Hospital and that is when we found out that she had a large mass that would need immediate surgery. The surgeon told us through tears that he did all that he could and that it was the worst malignant tumor that he had ever seen. She received chemo, lost her hair, but never her beautiful smile or courage. I stood at her grave 3 months after her diagnosis, holding 2 month old Haley in my arms. I think I slept for months after that with the shades drawn, still in shock...what happened to my life? I finally found the strength to drag myself out into the light, into the world. I still had 2 children who needed me, I had to go on. The drinking started gradually, I had strict rules - never drove after a drink, never during the day, only after homework was done, dinner cooked and kids ready for bed. I have never missed a day of work or any of the kids events. I felt that I had earned that glass of wine, after a long day of work..after all I had been through. But one glass led to 2,3 a bottle, 2 bottles. Then when that wasn't enough, a sip of vodka couldn't hurt, right? My husband worked at night so he had no idea, plus he was going thru his own mid-life issues going out to bars with the younger guys. Alcohol was my escape, my friend on those lonely nights. I knew it was bad, but I didn't want to stop. Now husband wants to be a family man again, works days now and I have to hide the extent of my drinking from him. He has found the empty bottles that I have hidden, and now demands that I get help or he will divorce me, take the house and the kids from me. I am going to an Outpatient Rehab this afternoon and have an appointment with a psychiatrist on friday. I am joining SR for support from people who understand what I am going through. So, today is Day 1.....

MeetJohnDoe

You have been through a lot. My heart goes out to you. Don't let anyone judge you. And don't hide who you are, what you feel, what you want. You have more power than you probably imagine. Be strong. Don't yield to threats. That isn't love. It's abuse.

MIRecovery

I am sorry for your pain. One thing I have learned is that I had to get sober for me and no one else. Yes there were numerous bad things that were going to happen if I did not quit drinking but no threat was ever enough. I had to be sick and tired of being sick and tired.

I found AA and have not had a drink since. It can be done but you and only you have to want it.

LindaLou

Hi Char and welcome to SR!

It is awesome that you realize you have a problem and are taking the steps to recovery. You will find a lot of support and advise here. Ckeck out the forums and post often - let us know how you're doing!!

Nonsensical

You are on the righ track, and you picked a great forum. Today is a great day to get sober.

Dee74

I'm so sorry for your loss and pain Charlener93 - I'm glad you've found us though.

SR really helped me turn my life around - I know we can help you do the same

welcome aboard

D

Hevyn

Welcome Charlener! This is the right place to be for support and hope. It will be the perfect supplement to the other help you are receiving. You can do this.

It's terrible what happened to Shelby, and you have my heartfelt sympathy. I'm sure she would never want you to stay sad and miserable because of her, though. You deserve a happy life and to not feel guilty for enjoying yourself.

Please keep reading and posting - we all understand how you feel - how you went from just wanting to take the edge off, to full blown alcoholism. It happened to me, too. You can reclaim your life, Charlene. We are happy you've joined us.

Ssdawg1422

Welcome to SR. I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your daughter. I hope warm memories and the love that you have for her provide you with some comfort always. I hope that they also provide you strength during your recovery. It's great to know that you're taking positive steps. In my experiance here with SR I've found these people to be compassionate, honest, and supportive in a way that is second to none. Post whatever, whenever, and continue to read around. I hope you find that we're all here to help one another and provide support through our own experiances.

Rose123

I'm starting today too! I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

AlisonW

Welcome Charlener!

artsoul

Welcome Charlener!

I used alcohol to help me cope, too, but in the end it made me a depressed and anxious person. Still,I was terrified to give it up. It wasn't until I found this forum that I felt like I had some hope and it inspired me to take action. Best things I ever did!

Be patient with yourself and get lots of support - I'm glad you're here!:ghug3

Delilah1

Welcome to SR,I am so sorry for your loss. The fact that you pulled yourself back into the light to take care if your other two children speaks to your strength.

Glad you are here.