A ray of light
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 37
A ray of light
I haven't posted on here in a long time...mostly because I felt like it was slanted to giving up on those you love and walking away. I'm hoping it was a misconception, because I feel like there is hope.
I have a long (9yrs!) history with my RABF...but the work we've done with each other in the past 2 months puts the rest to shame. He stopped drinking on November 7th 2012 and hasn't gone back. I stayed very peripheral to him until this past month. There are rules. He can't move back in for a year (and there is a process at that point), and he cannot propose during 2013...this is our rebuilding year.
He's interviewing for a new job (something he never even looked into), started a retirement fund and is starting to pay down his debt. He told me that he was spending about $70/week for his beer (2 cases a week)...that money is now being used to for the before mentioned things instead. He is saving for his own place (he went to his moms when I kicked him out)...and I'm "letting" him do it all...on his own...with no interference from me.
He's going to meetings regularly and has told everyone that he's an alcoholic. He's going to Temple with me weekly and we just started a bible class together. I have never in our entire relationship seen him so calm, relaxed and (dare I say it) happy. He's even joined a soccer team! He doesn't want to drink, and he's OK talking about it...we talk about everything. We talk about the past, but I've finally gotten to a point where I am letting it become the past...and taking him as he now is...that was a hard corner to turn. I wish my friends would also open their hearts more to him...but I understand that they really only saw the bad, so it may take time.
If today is the best it will ever be with him I would be blissfully happy for the rest of my life. He's becoming dependable (something he never was), and the mood swings are a thing of the past.
I know it's still early...so no need to jump in and tell me that. But I would rather enjoy this time and give him a chance to turn his life around knowing that I won't be holding the past against him as long as the future and present are good.
I have a long (9yrs!) history with my RABF...but the work we've done with each other in the past 2 months puts the rest to shame. He stopped drinking on November 7th 2012 and hasn't gone back. I stayed very peripheral to him until this past month. There are rules. He can't move back in for a year (and there is a process at that point), and he cannot propose during 2013...this is our rebuilding year.
He's interviewing for a new job (something he never even looked into), started a retirement fund and is starting to pay down his debt. He told me that he was spending about $70/week for his beer (2 cases a week)...that money is now being used to for the before mentioned things instead. He is saving for his own place (he went to his moms when I kicked him out)...and I'm "letting" him do it all...on his own...with no interference from me.
He's going to meetings regularly and has told everyone that he's an alcoholic. He's going to Temple with me weekly and we just started a bible class together. I have never in our entire relationship seen him so calm, relaxed and (dare I say it) happy. He's even joined a soccer team! He doesn't want to drink, and he's OK talking about it...we talk about everything. We talk about the past, but I've finally gotten to a point where I am letting it become the past...and taking him as he now is...that was a hard corner to turn. I wish my friends would also open their hearts more to him...but I understand that they really only saw the bad, so it may take time.
If today is the best it will ever be with him I would be blissfully happy for the rest of my life. He's becoming dependable (something he never was), and the mood swings are a thing of the past.
I know it's still early...so no need to jump in and tell me that. But I would rather enjoy this time and give him a chance to turn his life around knowing that I won't be holding the past against him as long as the future and present are good.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Congrats on the progress--hope it continues!
I wouldn't say there's a "slant" here on "giving up on those you love and walking away." I think there IS an appropriate "slant" or theme of "give up on trying to control or to fix those you love" and "walk away if you need to do it for the sake of your own well-being." Also known as "let go or be dragged."
Big difference.
I wouldn't say there's a "slant" here on "giving up on those you love and walking away." I think there IS an appropriate "slant" or theme of "give up on trying to control or to fix those you love" and "walk away if you need to do it for the sake of your own well-being." Also known as "let go or be dragged."
Big difference.
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