dsmaxis10

I know why cause I had a selfish program today my 5th day sober!!!:ghug3

sugarbear1

The 12 steps (the program) is not selfish, alcoholics tend to be selfish in the extreme.

More than likely it's an ego gone wild.

We drink when we don't have a new solution.

Congrats on 5 days of continuous sobriety!

2granddaughters

I am only selfish in the fact that my pride/ego prevent me from totally surrendering to the program. I like to keep an "ace in the hole".

God wants me to show up for work and I keep calling in "sick"

I work on surrendering every day ....

All the best.

Bob R

bbthumper

"We alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must or it kills us."

Strong words. So true

Fernaceman

Great comments! Grats on your 5th day!

Anouck

Hi, I am sorry I don't understand about selfishness. We have a problem with alcohol, how in itself is that selfish? If someone is depressed, is he/she selfish?

bbthumper

"Hi, I am sorry I don't understand about selfishness. We have a problem with alcohol, how in itself is that selfish? If someone is depressed, is he/she selfish?"

In the Big Book of AA, the root of our problem is described as selfishness and self centeredness:
Selfishness--self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity, we step on the toes of our fellows and they retaliate. Sometimes they hurt us, seemingly without provocation, but we invariably find that at some time in the past we have made decisions based on self which later placed us in a position to be hurt.
So our troubles, we think, are basically of our own making. They arise out of ourselves, and the alcoholic is an extreme example of self-will run riot, though he usually doesn’t think so. Above everything, we alcoholics must be rid of this selfishness. We must, or it kill us! God makes that possible. And there often seems no way of entirely getting rid of self without His aid. Many of us had moral and philosophical convictions galore, but we could not live up to them even though we would have liked to. Neither could we reduce our self-centeredness much by wishing or trying on our own power. We had to have God’s help.

Im no expert on clinical depression. I can tell you that I was diagnosed with clinical depression and anxiety. What it really turned out to be was rooted in self centeredness. A spiritual malady as it is referred to in the Big Book. When I took the steps to gain some humility and become "other centered" rather than self centered, life got a lot better. Depression and anxiety have slipped away for me.

mfanch

"Hi, I am sorry I don't understand about selfishness. We have a problem with alcohol, how in itself is that selfish? If someone is depressed, is he/she selfish?"

I suggest reading Alcoholics Anonymous. It is all explained in this book. It is AAs basic text.

Gal220

It's not selfish to feel a certain way (unless you're feeling selfish, lol!). I have a right to feel however I want (although it's not always helpful, and I do have control over whether I indulge in those feelings!). But when I allow myself to wallow in self-pity, when I'm thinking only of myself and how I feel, that's when I drink. And drinking is a completely selfish action for me. I want to escape my feelings. I can't handle situations. I don't care about the people around me or what the consequences will be if I pick up. I only care about myself. My history has shown that drinking is only detrimental for me and the people around me. And I know for a fact that when I was drinking, I was only thinking about myself. That's why the Big Book talks about selfishness being the root of our problems.

If a "normal" drinker goes too far with his drinking or realizes it is effecting the people around him, he just stops. I persisted despite the consequences.

AA literature also describes this as a two-fold disease: an obsession of the mind and an allergy of the body. The fact that my body has a physical reaction to alcohol, that once I take that first drink I develop the phenomenon of craving, that's not selfishness. That's just physiology. But I choose whether to take that first drink or not.* I know what the consequences will be, and if I pick up knowing those consequences, I'm only thinking about me.

*Although there are times when my only defense against that first drink is my Higher Power. This has happened in my life several times, when I would have chosen to drink, but God saved me from myself!

muvinon

For me, the easiest way to understand this was that I put conditions on my happiness. I would be happy after " " happened. (The " " varied.)

Paradox....once I stopped insisting on my way (selfishness), I found happiness. So the selfishness really was the crux of the problem.

dsmaxis10

Well Im going to meetings an hour early to help set up. Cause I owe AA ans amends for using AA for my ACES in the hole agendas.

paul99

I am a little confused over that last sentence. Regardless, have a great meeting!

Veritas1

I have been listening to Mark H., an AA speaker.

He said we drink when we are not spiritually fit.

"How much time did you give God today?"...is a note from Mark's talk that I have on my desk.

Am I willing to spend time to improve my spiritual condition so that I don't have to pick up a drink?

Am I willing to seek God, who solves my problem?

Am I willing to practice the disciplines of prayer and meditation today?

Yes

Veritas1

^^^ cont.

If you have some time...please listen to this talk.

Mark H. from Austin, TX speaking on the steps in Cabo, Mexico - March 2008 - part 2 of 3

XA-Speakers - The lights are on!

Tommyh

it seems your program don`t work too good in keeping you sober,but I`m glad you are trying AA`s now
it works better for me

awuh1

For most it’s a bit like riding a bicycle. You need to do more than just get your feet off the ground to do it successfully. More is involved than may initially be apparent.

NYCDoglvr

Bill W. wrote "Our liquor was but a symptom (of the disease of alcoholism). So we had to get down to causes and conditions. Though our decision (to stop drinking) was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us."

Selfishness is one of the character defects we suffer as alcoholics. We put down the bottle and then work the steps to deal with being selfish, self-centered in the extreme and full of fear. But it's a program of action: doing 90 meetings in 90 days with the help of a sponsor. Is that what you're doing? Suggest reading Chapter 5.

2granddaughters

The drink isn't the problem ... it's the person holding the drink that is the problem.