Josephine82812

I've always looked up questions on google an it always brings me to this site and it seems like there is alot of support.

I'll start by how I met my boyfriend. I went to an NA meeting with my best friend to support her & I met the man who is now my boyfriend. I did not know that he wasn't sober for about two weeks into the relationship when he started to act odd. At first he lied to me & stole and was just plain selfish. I knew it was the drugs and not him. So I changed everything in our relationship, no money being borrowed and no lieing etc. he was very good with the change and has not done anything bad to me sense.

We have gotten really close in the 5 months we have been together and I feel like I really love him & don't want to be without him. I know the person without the drugs is so amazing and good hearted. I want to be supportive and help in any way that I can. He was today sentenced 2 years in rehab. My heart completely broke, two years without my boyfriend. The good thing is that he will be getting help for those 2 years instead of being in jail. I know this seems selfish but I'm trying trying to figure out how to deal with this.

I feel hopeless and alone. I feel like he won't need me/ want me anymore when he's sober. I'm scared of the changes and what will happen in these two years.. Do I wait? Or move on? I love him very much and don't want to be without him, I have so much hope for us but I am EXTREMLY insecure. The biggest fear I have is him falling in love with someone else in rehab.. 2 years is a long time to be with the same people. That is my biggest fear.. I just need help and support from people who understand my fears and people who have been through this. All I've been doing today is crying. Please help me.. And once again I know this sounds selfish but I am posting this to help myself deal with my emotions.. I will support him in his recovery no matter what because his recovery comes first. Please help I'm 19 he's 23.

Lily1918

Im here with you!!! I have the same fear and in the same boat the exact same. hugs I don't feel like I have much wisdom cuz I would feel like a hypocrite, but I can say you aren't alone. and there are many here who DO have wisdom and that we can learn from them. Faith without action is dead, and these ladies are telling me to take care of me, so right now, tonight, Im painting my toenails and doing housework, and I have my favorite music on. I am still afraid and still dwelling, but courage is not the absence of fear its taking the fear and wearing it. hugs to you. I think it is selfish for us to feel this way and for me so how to change it? distraction is going ok for me so far... hugs!!!!!

ccharlotte

You are not alone! When my husband went to rehab about 6 months ago, I found myself being insecure in ways that surprised and confused me! I was afraid like you that he would find someone else in rehab, because I thought he would like to be with a woman who could understand what he was going through. (I've never done a drug and do not drink so I felt like I was left out of the cool club because I couldn't relate.) I also was scared that he would come back, all fixed up and shiny and I would be the one with the issues, because I didn't just have therapy 8 days a week for 3 months. I was just scared he would come back somehow 'better' than me. We also had a very codependent relationship where I was afraid that our relationship would fall apart if he no longer needed me. It was a VERY scary and vulnerable position to be in. Just remember, there is nothing wrong with you, his addiction isn't because of you and it won't stop because of you. Separate yourself from your boyfriend and understand that you are two separate people. It is scary and felt unbearable at times, I kept myself busy doing things I had never done before like exploring parks I had only ever driven by. Keep yourself busy and your head up; take this time to focus on you just like your boyfriend is doing. You are not alone, and many strong, confident, beautiful people struggle with the same insecurities when faced with this same situation.

Best wishes

hamabi

Have you considered instead, what it might be like to share your life with someone who doesn't have these problems? Overall it means less police contact, having someone be uniformly truthful with you, functioning well within your culture and stability sufficient to make having a family possible for you.

And the kids will never have to explain to a drug dealer that your man is not at home just now.

Sunshine2

I beg to differ. By not doing drugs and drinking, you belong to the real cool club

Josephine82812

Your all very helpful thank you so much. (Btw I don't have kids) all your advice has helped me feel more secure I hope we can continue to support eachother!
Xoxo

Josephine82812

Come to think of it.. Our feelings aren't all that selfish. We can't hide our feeling, we need to cope with them, our men are getting all the support and therapy they need, we need to continue to support them in they're recovery but still find a way to deal with our emotions.
Xoxo

LoveMeNow

EnglishGarden left you a very insightful post on your other post/thread. I hope you have a chance to read or reread it.

Josephine82812

I'll go check now! Thanks

Josephine82812

I didn't see, where is it?