Please help
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 2
Please help
Hi all,
This is my first post. I would really appreciate opinions on my situation.
Im currently in my late twenties and recently bought a home with my fiancé and moved in together for the first time. We've been together almost 3years and have had a very close relationship. My fiancé has pursued me intensely and it has at times been a lot for me and quite stressful although I really love him and he is the first person I would have ever considered marrying. Our relationship has involved a lot of heavy drinking and for some time fiancé was smoking considerable high strength marajuana. I smoked some with him too but don't really like the stuff and its mainly out of the picture.We have had many crazy making fights. ive learned unfortunately these happen regardless of whether someone is sober. Actually they are worse when hes sober and better if he's had a little pot but not been smoking a ton. These episodes are generally complete bs and emotionally and verbally abusive and at times physically abusive followed by crazy apologies flowers etc
We are both financially independent of each other and despite my hatred of unemployment I decided I needed to quit my job of two years a couple months ago. This was essential because my old boss was not only an alcoholic, but a criminal who will likely go to prison. This company was tiny and a toxic environment to say the least. The stress of working with him but always being the one kept slightly out of the loop, because i did the responsible stuff like managing the banking and accounting, which was very difficult with a lot of shadiness and bad communication. this job was also crazy making to say the least and bad for my self esteem and definitely added to why I have been self medicating and stayed with my fiancé whom now think may have some variety of borderline personality I fear. The bpd suspicion was raised in relation to why when I am legitimately busy am not available to him he intermittently needs to "act out" and troll CL casual encounters for example. I was initially thinking this was some kind of sex addict behavior but it really seems more self destructive and he also has impulsive spending money and low emotional intelligence as defined by a former employer. I have put my foot down or have tried many many times because I do not want the stress or drama from not having us both on the same page about sex as I am petrified of stds but he doesn't take no for answer and I guess I really don't want to lose him either.
But really the main issue I need to deal with is how I can stop drinking. Ive gotten bad in just 3 years. I had been trying to pursuade the fiance to help me stop for about a year. i feel bad and cant sleep. he finally agreed to stop with me and we did it for a week last week. He agreed to try and stop because he realized it was impacting our sex life and actually although he first blamed me it wasn't my fault. It being me though was his go to excuse for lying about calling up an erotic masseuse. Although he did admit later that it was his nerves being messed up from 13 years of binge and dependent drinking, which went away now but makes sense. i stopped this period of sobriety because of becoming very depressed after the initial feelings of not being hung over wore off. it was like i was finally coming to terms with working hard to make stuff work and getting screamed at and blamed for stuff that i was never told about or way out of proportion. The trigger for me drinking was fiance screaming at me and getting enraged whilevdriving recklessy again but i guess also i feel like i just cant let myself get depressed (im not by nature) and need to do whatever it takez to apply for jobs and not get in a rut. are these just excuses though? I have been drinking heavily for 3 years ( the years I've been with fiancé) I met him drinking 2 glasses of wine to feel drunk and now can do 2 bottles no joke in an afternoon onto the evening
I picked up the drink and i know its my problem and had a predisposition. i didn't drink much at all from when I was 20-25 because my ex bf was a control freak and not drinking was the one good thing that came from that. However I happened to move away from him to a house with 2 roomies on a side street next to a street with 4 bars no joke.
Neither one of my parents ( who just finalized a crazy 6 year high conflict divorce after 28 years of marriage) drank after i was 3, but were both Acoa, my mom a child of 2 heavy happy drinkers and my dad (who is ocpd) a child of a and a bipolar incest abuser self medicating alcoholic.
My fiancé is likely just as much an alcoholic as me. His dad was an alcoholic and cheated on his mom and left when he was a young teen. I really love him and want things to work but just feel there is no hope. I'm a quiet person who gets anxiety in social situations and a perfectionist. I can't take feeling smothered and then yelled at if I try to set any boundaries or have no room in the relationship to have any opinions or criticisms.
. I feel like he likes me drunk more than sober because then I'm there physically but emotionally unavailable and then feel guilt for drinking. I have known the lure of emotionally unavailable people but really need to and want to get out of this drama trap and learn to be more adult and concentrate on stuff that is more interesting and academic rather than all this high drama. I realize relationships are 50/50 and I feel like I'm going crazy and know we shouldn't be enabling etc. I try to talk about this stuff logically and have done a lot of reading on things but I'm just confused and it doesn't seem to get worked out.
Sorry for the length of this!!
Best
This is my first post. I would really appreciate opinions on my situation.
Im currently in my late twenties and recently bought a home with my fiancé and moved in together for the first time. We've been together almost 3years and have had a very close relationship. My fiancé has pursued me intensely and it has at times been a lot for me and quite stressful although I really love him and he is the first person I would have ever considered marrying. Our relationship has involved a lot of heavy drinking and for some time fiancé was smoking considerable high strength marajuana. I smoked some with him too but don't really like the stuff and its mainly out of the picture.We have had many crazy making fights. ive learned unfortunately these happen regardless of whether someone is sober. Actually they are worse when hes sober and better if he's had a little pot but not been smoking a ton. These episodes are generally complete bs and emotionally and verbally abusive and at times physically abusive followed by crazy apologies flowers etc
We are both financially independent of each other and despite my hatred of unemployment I decided I needed to quit my job of two years a couple months ago. This was essential because my old boss was not only an alcoholic, but a criminal who will likely go to prison. This company was tiny and a toxic environment to say the least. The stress of working with him but always being the one kept slightly out of the loop, because i did the responsible stuff like managing the banking and accounting, which was very difficult with a lot of shadiness and bad communication. this job was also crazy making to say the least and bad for my self esteem and definitely added to why I have been self medicating and stayed with my fiancé whom now think may have some variety of borderline personality I fear. The bpd suspicion was raised in relation to why when I am legitimately busy am not available to him he intermittently needs to "act out" and troll CL casual encounters for example. I was initially thinking this was some kind of sex addict behavior but it really seems more self destructive and he also has impulsive spending money and low emotional intelligence as defined by a former employer. I have put my foot down or have tried many many times because I do not want the stress or drama from not having us both on the same page about sex as I am petrified of stds but he doesn't take no for answer and I guess I really don't want to lose him either.
But really the main issue I need to deal with is how I can stop drinking. Ive gotten bad in just 3 years. I had been trying to pursuade the fiance to help me stop for about a year. i feel bad and cant sleep. he finally agreed to stop with me and we did it for a week last week. He agreed to try and stop because he realized it was impacting our sex life and actually although he first blamed me it wasn't my fault. It being me though was his go to excuse for lying about calling up an erotic masseuse. Although he did admit later that it was his nerves being messed up from 13 years of binge and dependent drinking, which went away now but makes sense. i stopped this period of sobriety because of becoming very depressed after the initial feelings of not being hung over wore off. it was like i was finally coming to terms with working hard to make stuff work and getting screamed at and blamed for stuff that i was never told about or way out of proportion. The trigger for me drinking was fiance screaming at me and getting enraged whilevdriving recklessy again but i guess also i feel like i just cant let myself get depressed (im not by nature) and need to do whatever it takez to apply for jobs and not get in a rut. are these just excuses though? I have been drinking heavily for 3 years ( the years I've been with fiancé) I met him drinking 2 glasses of wine to feel drunk and now can do 2 bottles no joke in an afternoon onto the evening
I picked up the drink and i know its my problem and had a predisposition. i didn't drink much at all from when I was 20-25 because my ex bf was a control freak and not drinking was the one good thing that came from that. However I happened to move away from him to a house with 2 roomies on a side street next to a street with 4 bars no joke.Neither one of my parents ( who just finalized a crazy 6 year high conflict divorce after 28 years of marriage) drank after i was 3, but were both Acoa, my mom a child of 2 heavy happy drinkers and my dad (who is ocpd) a child of a and a bipolar incest abuser self medicating alcoholic.
My fiancé is likely just as much an alcoholic as me. His dad was an alcoholic and cheated on his mom and left when he was a young teen. I really love him and want things to work but just feel there is no hope. I'm a quiet person who gets anxiety in social situations and a perfectionist. I can't take feeling smothered and then yelled at if I try to set any boundaries or have no room in the relationship to have any opinions or criticisms.
. I feel like he likes me drunk more than sober because then I'm there physically but emotionally unavailable and then feel guilt for drinking. I have known the lure of emotionally unavailable people but really need to and want to get out of this drama trap and learn to be more adult and concentrate on stuff that is more interesting and academic rather than all this high drama. I realize relationships are 50/50 and I feel like I'm going crazy and know we shouldn't be enabling etc. I try to talk about this stuff logically and have done a lot of reading on things but I'm just confused and it doesn't seem to get worked out.
Sorry for the length of this!!
Best
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 654
Welcome to SR! This is a really great place to vent and learn from people who have been there.
It sounds like you might need a break from your fiance while you get your head straight. You said you two are finacially independent of eachother, is there anyway you could move out into your own place? Quitting drinking is hard under good circumstances, and from what you said it sounds like your relationship can be toxic at times. It would prob. help to get your own place, not have anything booze in it, and to work on figuring out what you want out of life and recovery. Basically, you just need a fresh start without all the drama.
Have you considered therapy? I always think going to talk to someone is a great idea, expecially early on in recovery. If you can afford it, I would say at least give it a try for a couple weeks. It def. can't hurt.
Use this time off of work to make a recovery plan and decide how you want your future to be. We all deserve to be happy, and we need to make sure we are always working towards that.
hugs
Maylie
It sounds like you might need a break from your fiance while you get your head straight. You said you two are finacially independent of eachother, is there anyway you could move out into your own place? Quitting drinking is hard under good circumstances, and from what you said it sounds like your relationship can be toxic at times. It would prob. help to get your own place, not have anything booze in it, and to work on figuring out what you want out of life and recovery. Basically, you just need a fresh start without all the drama.
Have you considered therapy? I always think going to talk to someone is a great idea, expecially early on in recovery. If you can afford it, I would say at least give it a try for a couple weeks. It def. can't hurt.
Use this time off of work to make a recovery plan and decide how you want your future to be. We all deserve to be happy, and we need to make sure we are always working towards that.
hugs
Maylie
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Hello & welcome ,
Thats a whole lot of stuff going on .. i can understand why you'd feel confused .
For me alcohol and drugs only ever made difficult or unhealthy situations i'd got into worse as my life turned into a storm of emotional turmoil .
To find my way again i had to get myself sober so i could start working on the other stuff , alcohol and drugs just kinda put me, my relationships and emotional life into suspended animation if not outright decline .
Why not try 90 or 180 days sober to see what effect alcohol has upon your life , gain a bit of clarity ?
Bestwishes, M
Thats a whole lot of stuff going on .. i can understand why you'd feel confused .
For me alcohol and drugs only ever made difficult or unhealthy situations i'd got into worse as my life turned into a storm of emotional turmoil .
To find my way again i had to get myself sober so i could start working on the other stuff , alcohol and drugs just kinda put me, my relationships and emotional life into suspended animation if not outright decline .
Why not try 90 or 180 days sober to see what effect alcohol has upon your life , gain a bit of clarity ?
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Southern Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,618
Greetings!Sounds like quite the situation, and in the midst of drinking so much it must be all that more confusing.
If I were you Id strongly recommend taking some space from your bf/fiance........YOU first. I mean, if this is happening already, what does the future look like unless some big changes happen.
Keep posting....this place is great for being open and honest without judgement in return.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Wow!
That is a lot to deal with! It would be hard to deal with sober until it was all untangled in my head were I there. I couldn't even begin to untangle/handle all of that while drinking. Running away from imagined problems as excuses to drink make real problems appear and take over. But running away from real problems, making yourself mentally handicapped, unable to see clearly or think each thing through clearly would be impossible for me.
I used to play guitar when I drank and thought I was a star! I recorded myself one night and listened sober. It was so bad I drank early that day to console myself that I was terrible. Then I played some sober recording s thinking maybe I was deluded about sober singing and playing. Whew! They were 180 degrees.
All of the Dads and family lineage is fine if you want to buy into it. I choose not to, but then I was never abused as a child. If I were I would definitely not have bought into it.
I am sober two years and my wife still drinks and when we have issues because of it I walk out and then see my counselor because I have to take care of me and my behaviors. I can't change another. No more than another could change me against my will. You might start by reading a lot here and getting some methods and recovery program tips from here as SR saved my bacon in early recovery.
Nowhere did you say whether you want to stop drinking by doing some different things. If just trying top stop on your own does not work get into a medical inpatient detox and follow on rehab. They have free or affordable ones almost everywhere. I needed in hospital detox for seven days to get safely over the first week, and painless to boot at the regional VA hospital here. I left the voluntary live in rehab as other vets needed the bed and food more than I did, I had a home and income. More importantly I didn't need baby sitters or to be told how to stay sober. I was free of drinking, which I decided to be, and I intended to stay that way!
I found a great local AA home group, joined SR immediately. Then I got a counselor and enlisted my friends and family. I got what I needed and am recovered. That does not mean I can ever drink again, or do drugs which I never did. It means I no longer think about it, thirst for it, need it for anything in my life, I do not crave it, and can be in front of others who drink, as my wife does at home and think of her drink as no different than mine because I am a non-drinker! It is that simple.
So go get with AA at least for a couple of meetings as they have not abducted and brainwashed anybody that I know of. They will have the info about all the local facilities for you before you quit, and you might choose to never go again. Or like me you will be e short termer (3 months) and be recovered, or use them longer term. IT works for each differently time wise. And some love the meetings and go forever. I don't and love the folks at my home group. I stop and see them once in a great while. I took what I could use and left the rest. But without my wonderful AA home group's help, my friends here, and my local friends family and counselors, I would have never made it through my first six months of sobriety.
That is a lot to deal with! It would be hard to deal with sober until it was all untangled in my head were I there. I couldn't even begin to untangle/handle all of that while drinking. Running away from imagined problems as excuses to drink make real problems appear and take over. But running away from real problems, making yourself mentally handicapped, unable to see clearly or think each thing through clearly would be impossible for me.
I used to play guitar when I drank and thought I was a star! I recorded myself one night and listened sober. It was so bad I drank early that day to console myself that I was terrible. Then I played some sober recording s thinking maybe I was deluded about sober singing and playing. Whew! They were 180 degrees.
All of the Dads and family lineage is fine if you want to buy into it. I choose not to, but then I was never abused as a child. If I were I would definitely not have bought into it.
I am sober two years and my wife still drinks and when we have issues because of it I walk out and then see my counselor because I have to take care of me and my behaviors. I can't change another. No more than another could change me against my will. You might start by reading a lot here and getting some methods and recovery program tips from here as SR saved my bacon in early recovery.
Nowhere did you say whether you want to stop drinking by doing some different things. If just trying top stop on your own does not work get into a medical inpatient detox and follow on rehab. They have free or affordable ones almost everywhere. I needed in hospital detox for seven days to get safely over the first week, and painless to boot at the regional VA hospital here. I left the voluntary live in rehab as other vets needed the bed and food more than I did, I had a home and income. More importantly I didn't need baby sitters or to be told how to stay sober. I was free of drinking, which I decided to be, and I intended to stay that way!
I found a great local AA home group, joined SR immediately. Then I got a counselor and enlisted my friends and family. I got what I needed and am recovered. That does not mean I can ever drink again, or do drugs which I never did. It means I no longer think about it, thirst for it, need it for anything in my life, I do not crave it, and can be in front of others who drink, as my wife does at home and think of her drink as no different than mine because I am a non-drinker! It is that simple.
So go get with AA at least for a couple of meetings as they have not abducted and brainwashed anybody that I know of. They will have the info about all the local facilities for you before you quit, and you might choose to never go again. Or like me you will be e short termer (3 months) and be recovered, or use them longer term. IT works for each differently time wise. And some love the meetings and go forever. I don't and love the folks at my home group. I stop and see them once in a great while. I took what I could use and left the rest. But without my wonderful AA home group's help, my friends here, and my local friends family and counselors, I would have never made it through my first six months of sobriety.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
That sounds like a lot to deal with. Are you sure you want to stay in this relationship for life? The fighting and emotional abuse don't sound like love to me.
I agree with you getting your own place for a while and see how it goes from there. As to stopping drinking, it's easier to do if you're not surrounded by drinkers/drug users.
I agree with you getting your own place for a while and see how it goes from there. As to stopping drinking, it's easier to do if you're not surrounded by drinkers/drug users.
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Originally Posted by cali555 
emotionally and verbally abusive and at times physically abusive
Please continue to seek help to protect yourself and all involved.
Wishing you peace and strength.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,570
Good advice here already, cali. Welcome to SR - we're so glad you found us.
I hope you'll stay with us and continue to discuss your situation. It sounds like you're in a toxic relationship, and you really need a clear head to figure out what to do. Please keep posting - we care about you.
I hope you'll stay with us and continue to discuss your situation. It sounds like you're in a toxic relationship, and you really need a clear head to figure out what to do. Please keep posting - we care about you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: SE and then South some more
Posts: 2,648
Itchy gave you great advise which I also suggest as well. If you want to get better, you CAN do it and there are many resources out there for you.
You are still very young by the way, and it took me well into my 40's to finally have the first official healthy relationship I've ever been in. We've had our moments, but they are so rare, and we do not abuse each other verbally or physically, that's not healthy.
You do have a lot on your plate, but know this, you can get through all of that just one step at a time, and one day at a time. We are always here if you need us, welcome to SR.
You are still very young by the way, and it took me well into my 40's to finally have the first official healthy relationship I've ever been in. We've had our moments, but they are so rare, and we do not abuse each other verbally or physically, that's not healthy.
You do have a lot on your plate, but know this, you can get through all of that just one step at a time, and one day at a time. We are always here if you need us, welcome to SR.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Hi and Welcome,
You can get better and live a sober life if you want to. You don't need your fiance to support you in your recovery. You can find support here and in other recovery programs if you wish.
You can get better and live a sober life if you want to. You don't need your fiance to support you in your recovery. You can find support here and in other recovery programs if you wish.
SR Fan
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 7,910
Welcome cali!
You'll be doing a great thing for yourself by getting sober. I thought alcohol helped me "cope" but in the end it became the biggest problem in my life. When I finally gave it up, I felt so much better about me and everything improved.
You said that there has been some physical abuse along with the verbal/mental abuse, and that's not good. It sounds like your fiance has other serious issues as well (and most of the time, these things only get worse with marriage). I think the idea of a counselor is a good idea (maybe one that can help you with the drinking, too). In the meantime, we're glad you're here!:ghug3
You'll be doing a great thing for yourself by getting sober. I thought alcohol helped me "cope" but in the end it became the biggest problem in my life. When I finally gave it up, I felt so much better about me and everything improved.
You said that there has been some physical abuse along with the verbal/mental abuse, and that's not good. It sounds like your fiance has other serious issues as well (and most of the time, these things only get worse with marriage). I think the idea of a counselor is a good idea (maybe one that can help you with the drinking, too). In the meantime, we're glad you're here!:ghug3
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR Cali!!!
Lots of good advice already posted. You can stop drinking for you, also, you deserve someone who is going to treat you with respect and not be abusive in any way.
Looking forward to seeing you on here.
Lots of good advice already posted. You can stop drinking for you, also, you deserve someone who is going to treat you with respect and not be abusive in any way.
Looking forward to seeing you on here.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: highland beach, florida
Posts: 649
Well Cali,
In my opinion ONLY---sounds like you need to get rid of that so called fiance.
I mean arguing and physical abuse is not a foundation for a relationship, add to that alcohol and it is simply toxic.
Run for the Hills , girlfriend---before he takes you down to HIS level.
We are here for you! Please stay and work this out with SR.
Good Luck,
TrixMixer
In my opinion ONLY---sounds like you need to get rid of that so called fiance.
I mean arguing and physical abuse is not a foundation for a relationship, add to that alcohol and it is simply toxic.
Run for the Hills , girlfriend---before he takes you down to HIS level.
We are here for you! Please stay and work this out with SR.
Good Luck,
TrixMixer
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Southern California
Posts: 365
Hello and welcome to SR!!! You will find a lot of great support here!
My initial response when I read your post was RUN...
However, to be a little more diplomatic, it is my opinion that your fiancé isn't a good fit for you...
Just my .02... Take it like a grain of salt... PS I have been married for 21 years so I have a little bit of experience as far as relationships go... Good luck to you!
My initial response when I read your post was RUN...
However, to be a little more diplomatic, it is my opinion that your fiancé isn't a good fit for you...
Just my .02... Take it like a grain of salt... PS I have been married for 21 years so I have a little bit of experience as far as relationships go... Good luck to you!
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Cali,
like me you are both an alcoholic and in a relationship with one. I had to get personal counseling and marital counseling together to make it continue. But the verbal abuse is over here.
I don't know what you need to do about the other issues all I can say is if you get sober for yourself the rest will feel more intense, but you can think things through to make the best choices. Remember serenity is no fun until you are serene enough to enjoy it. That is my humorous way to say that you have to get some things in order, whatever order YOU need them to be in, before you can approach having any serenity. Just quitting your drinking is not enough, you also have to stop trying to change anybody else until you change the chick in the mirror. That you can do, trust me on that.
Keep reading here especially in family and friends of alcoholics, and post, post, post, all your questions. Keep your presence here alive and you will soon learn many others made it out of similar situations, both less severe and more so. We can help by being here for you. And sharing how we made it through.
like me you are both an alcoholic and in a relationship with one. I had to get personal counseling and marital counseling together to make it continue. But the verbal abuse is over here.
I don't know what you need to do about the other issues all I can say is if you get sober for yourself the rest will feel more intense, but you can think things through to make the best choices. Remember serenity is no fun until you are serene enough to enjoy it. That is my humorous way to say that you have to get some things in order, whatever order YOU need them to be in, before you can approach having any serenity. Just quitting your drinking is not enough, you also have to stop trying to change anybody else until you change the chick in the mirror. That you can do, trust me on that.
Keep reading here especially in family and friends of alcoholics, and post, post, post, all your questions. Keep your presence here alive and you will soon learn many others made it out of similar situations, both less severe and more so. We can help by being here for you. And sharing how we made it through.
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
Cali--
Thanks for joining SR and for coming back to visit again. There is a lot of good information here.
Being a former idiot myself, I just want to come to the defense of idiots. We can change, but essentially need to admit that we are idiots by choice. We "act out," especially if we're low on dope or choose to have a nasty drunk. Also, my idiocy is separate from my other mental illnesses. But I deal with those with my doctor--my wife has made it very clear to me that she is not my shrink.
I wish you all the best!
Thanks for joining SR and for coming back to visit again. There is a lot of good information here.
Being a former idiot myself, I just want to come to the defense of idiots. We can change, but essentially need to admit that we are idiots by choice. We "act out," especially if we're low on dope or choose to have a nasty drunk. Also, my idiocy is separate from my other mental illnesses. But I deal with those with my doctor--my wife has made it very clear to me that she is not my shrink.
I wish you all the best!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
In regards to the job thing, I see where you are. I was an alcoholic before I quit my job, but it was getting worse and worse. Once I quit, it went full blown. It was the worst period of my life and I saw myself going down the drain, much like you do. I didn't make it. I had more than one withdrawl seizure, lost my relationships and ended up in rehab.
And you know what? I'm better for it. You've got relationship troubles too - first off, that has to be a second priority. You have a ton of reasons to be interested in this relationship, considering you're engaged and own property together. But that'll be there when you get yourself fixed, too. Don't worry about that. For now just focus on yourself.
You should probably think to get help. Do you have a friend you could trust to talk to? Maybe they can help you find a doctor to talk to, perhaps start with a therapist who specializes in addiction patients. Call your health insurance and ask them for a list, they will do this usually pretty easily. I would then consider getting into a facility.
When you mentioned the wine, it sounded very familiar to me. When I was drinking wine, two bottles per day was standard. Started real early. After those were gone I moved on to vodka. Then it just became vodka. Then my life just slipped away from me. I had seizures, ended up in a hospital, fought against treatment, then finally went. Best thing that ever happened to me, and even though I have to test myself each day, it was a problem that needed to be solved for me to live, at all.
You can do it. Good luck, you came to the right place, we hear you.
And you know what? I'm better for it. You've got relationship troubles too - first off, that has to be a second priority. You have a ton of reasons to be interested in this relationship, considering you're engaged and own property together. But that'll be there when you get yourself fixed, too. Don't worry about that. For now just focus on yourself.
You should probably think to get help. Do you have a friend you could trust to talk to? Maybe they can help you find a doctor to talk to, perhaps start with a therapist who specializes in addiction patients. Call your health insurance and ask them for a list, they will do this usually pretty easily. I would then consider getting into a facility.
When you mentioned the wine, it sounded very familiar to me. When I was drinking wine, two bottles per day was standard. Started real early. After those were gone I moved on to vodka. Then it just became vodka. Then my life just slipped away from me. I had seizures, ended up in a hospital, fought against treatment, then finally went. Best thing that ever happened to me, and even though I have to test myself each day, it was a problem that needed to be solved for me to live, at all.
You can do it. Good luck, you came to the right place, we hear you.
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