chelle85

My boyfriend is 28, we have been together for 3 years. Throughout our time together, alcohol has been a recurring issue. We fight about his drinking at least once every three months, the majority of the time it happens after a party or a night out with his friends, where they often haze one another to drink more, take shots, etc. His friends even give me a hard time when I go out with them if I don't drink or only have a drink.

My boyfriend is a sloppy drunk, he slurs his words, his face shows his drunkenness, and he often becomes incoherent. Recently he's even been falling asleep in public. Again, this only happens about once every three months, but I still find it unacceptable and most of all, I'm embarrassed.

Though I want to blame his friends, at my friend's rehearsal dinner (when he was my guest and didn't know anyone at the dinner) there was an abundance of wine on the table. My boyfriend was the drunkest one at the table, when he wasn't even a true guest, and I was embarrassed. He fell asleep in a bar the other night, and fell asleep at a dinner party on the couch, leaving me as the only single among the couples and humiliated. I feel like I can't take him anywhere or if I need him to be sober, I have to think about it ahead of time and make him promise me not to drink.

I don't want to be his mother, but everything else in our relationship is great. He seems a bit old to still be drinking like we did in college. Has anyone been through something similar? Do they ever recover or is this something that is going to get worse?

I have moved out of our apartment temporarily and am couch surfing with my friends until I figure out what to do. I just feel it's gotten to be too big of an issue and I can't count on him to put his best foot forward when alcohol is around. Do I need to call it quits or is there hope for us?

LexieCat

Um, yeah, it usually gets worse.

Whether you leave him for good or not is your decision, but I think your instincts that this relationship isn't good for you are sound.

Many people recover, but not until they are convinced that they must. Doesn't sound to me like he's anywhere near being ready. And generally loved ones are very poor convincers. It is basically a matter of becoming convinced, through hard experience, that there is no option but to quit drinking.

tomndallas

Some one at a meeting said...

We all have different bottoms, the elevator stops at different floors for all of us. The fact of the matter is, you are only truly at the bottom once you have decided to stop digging. He has to make that decision on his own.

Yes of course there is a maturity issue here, but also peer pressure and machismo. You can offer the support but ultimately he has to take the first step and admit that he is powerless to alcohol and ready for a sober life.

Sorry you are going through this, sans the falling asleep in public I was doing the same thing to my wife. I put down the shovel 3 days ago.

Bigndfan175

^^^^this this this!

least

I'd consider long and hard if you can tolerate any more of his behavior. And as said, it always gets worse, never better. Here's a link to our friends and families forum. Ask your questions there if you like for input from people who have been in your situation.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

MrAverage

From someone who's played the drunken boyfriend role in that same play, I would say things will get worse before they get better. My ex left me 3 years ago, largely in part because my drinking was more important than her feelings about my drinking. She's a lot better off now than she would have been if she stuck around.

Just my two cents.

CAPTAINZING2000

Move on with your life. Picture doing this for the next 20 years. Doesn't sound real good does it??