how is this recovery ...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: fla
Posts: 47
how is this recovery ...
I just heard that my exabf whom i was dumb enough to let sleep with me...oh boy am i gettin what i deserve but he is sleepin with someone else hows is that a recovery step..i mean i was always "not good enough" or too codependent my mind no.matter the counseling meetings i attend can wrap around how cruel ppl in this world r...i guess alot lies within myself understood but i am.so hurt and idk whyi care like here goes my f**ked up brain mayb she is better...idk sober recovery mayb anyone have a better way of me thinking other than just focus on me and my life ibdo this daily and survive fine it still gets undee my skin
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
1. you DO NOT deserve this.
2. she is no better than you...she just doesnt know about the alcohol issues yet.
3. try doing things...idk what you are currently doingbut try things you dont want to do. get out of the house even when you want to curl up in a ball on the couch. exercise..i dont hate exercise but recently i just want to go to sleep-the days i force myself to go though, i feel so much better after.
2. she is no better than you...she just doesnt know about the alcohol issues yet.
3. try doing things...idk what you are currently doingbut try things you dont want to do. get out of the house even when you want to curl up in a ball on the couch. exercise..i dont hate exercise but recently i just want to go to sleep-the days i force myself to go though, i feel so much better after.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: fla
Posts: 47
Originally Posted by bamboo10 
1. you DO NOT deserve this.
2. she is no better than you...she just doesnt know about the alcohol issues yet.
3. try doing things...idk what you are currently doingbut try things you dont want to do. get out of the house even when you want to curl up in a ball on the couch. exercise..i dont hate exercise but recently i just want to go to sleep-the days i force myself to go though, i feel so much better after.
2. she is no better than you...she just doesnt know about the alcohol issues yet.
3. try doing things...idk what you are currently doingbut try things you dont want to do. get out of the house even when you want to curl up in a ball on the couch. exercise..i dont hate exercise but recently i just want to go to sleep-the days i force myself to go though, i feel so much better after.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Nj
Posts: 195
I understand. I go days being fine and then bamn-all the sudden im crying and all i want is to be in his arms or talk to him. but i have to remind myself not to. do you go to alanon? if so do you have a phone list? give someone a call when you feel down.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
So my ex, who I'm finally admitting is a still highly functioning alcoholic, was phyically cold as ice until she realized I had not begged.. I mean initiated sex in six months or so.
Now that we've been apart for a year and a half she's dropped 50 pounds and loves to brag about this or that rich guy from a good family who is more in her 'league' is taking her to some exotic destination or whatever.
There is a part of me that takes the bait and grumbles a little bit but then I remember why I was glad to get out of that situation.
If you asked her, she'd say that she was willing to change and begged me to come back but I ran off with a woman who was ten years younger with the kind of looks that make a lot of women hate her guts...
We'd each say the other had no problem finding someone else.
The fact is that after 14 years, a couple good, ten fair and two awful, it takes time to get over it. I would never trade Poh for her. Poh is all the things she is not that I need but my ex has fine qualities as well - or I would not have ever loved her.
My point is that someone moving on is not a reflection on you and very often people move on too quickly because they are hurting and want to feel loved and needed and worthy. I wish I had taken a year or two to get happy and healthy on my own but that wasn't how it turned out and I have no regrets. I'm happy and I want her to be happy.
If an ex is happy they don't spend their time figuring out how to force a reaction out of you.
Now that we've been apart for a year and a half she's dropped 50 pounds and loves to brag about this or that rich guy from a good family who is more in her 'league' is taking her to some exotic destination or whatever.
There is a part of me that takes the bait and grumbles a little bit but then I remember why I was glad to get out of that situation.
If you asked her, she'd say that she was willing to change and begged me to come back but I ran off with a woman who was ten years younger with the kind of looks that make a lot of women hate her guts...
We'd each say the other had no problem finding someone else.
The fact is that after 14 years, a couple good, ten fair and two awful, it takes time to get over it. I would never trade Poh for her. Poh is all the things she is not that I need but my ex has fine qualities as well - or I would not have ever loved her.
My point is that someone moving on is not a reflection on you and very often people move on too quickly because they are hurting and want to feel loved and needed and worthy. I wish I had taken a year or two to get happy and healthy on my own but that wasn't how it turned out and I have no regrets. I'm happy and I want her to be happy.
If an ex is happy they don't spend their time figuring out how to force a reaction out of you.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
He's your ex, not your boyfriend anymore. He can sleep with anyone he wants to.
PF is right on--the sooner they move on and are happy (or at least no longer blaming you for their misery), the easier it will be for you to move on.
PF is right on--the sooner they move on and are happy (or at least no longer blaming you for their misery), the easier it will be for you to move on.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
I am 5 years past divorce and don't have any "I love him" feelings anymore but they were very real at first when we split. It helped to write on a piece of paper the bad stuff he did and pull it out when I missed him. I eventually saw the "real deal". He was just a drunk. He had no morals or values or at least they weren't the ones I had. My real life with him was not what I had imagined. I wanted the white picket fence I dreamt about. It was not what was real. The new girl will get the real deal too- all the drama and chaos, lies, arguements, hurts,abuse, and ick. Time will tell. 5 years from now- like me- you will go back and probably say- he wasn't a "prize". Check out the book Women Who Love Too Much.:ghug3
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
