Once you've got it, how do you keep it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 43
Once you've got it, how do you keep it?
Hi, all,
I've done this before. I've gotten sober and hung onto it for a few months. Each time I start to feel healthy again and regain control of my life. I rebuild relationships and become productive once again at work. Life gets better, even good, and the constant anxiety goes away! And yet, I find myself starting from day two again after a horrific, three-day bender, dealing with crippling anxiety and guilt. Have I ruined my life once again? Have I destroyed my body? How can I do this to the people I love? Why do I fail again and again when I have so many good things worth hanging onto?
I'm hoping to hear some success stories from anyone willing to share and some advice for how to hang on to sobriety once you've got it. Looking for resources, good books to read, tips, anything!
Thank you!
I've done this before. I've gotten sober and hung onto it for a few months. Each time I start to feel healthy again and regain control of my life. I rebuild relationships and become productive once again at work. Life gets better, even good, and the constant anxiety goes away! And yet, I find myself starting from day two again after a horrific, three-day bender, dealing with crippling anxiety and guilt. Have I ruined my life once again? Have I destroyed my body? How can I do this to the people I love? Why do I fail again and again when I have so many good things worth hanging onto?
I'm hoping to hear some success stories from anyone willing to share and some advice for how to hang on to sobriety once you've got it. Looking for resources, good books to read, tips, anything!
Thank you!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by Amelia99 
some advice for how to hang on to sobriety once you've got it. Looking for resources, good books to read, tips, anything!
Sobriety is Traditional
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Orcas Island, Washington
Posts: 9,067
AA all the way!
Well, a little NA too...
I knew it was the only solution at least since 2009 when I read the article in my signature. So I can relate to irrational reluctance to accept the obvious cure, It takes some work, may even be yucky at times--some say, "It's not for me."
Well, a little NA too...
I knew it was the only solution at least since 2009 when I read the article in my signature. So I can relate to irrational reluctance to accept the obvious cure, It takes some work, may even be yucky at times--some say, "It's not for me."
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
In a way staying stopped is easy too... just whatever happens, no matter how bad things get, just don't drink. Remove the option of drinking completely (I'd recommend looking into AVRT for this).
I hope that doesn't sound glib, but sometimes it helps to look at it from a positive angle.
I never realised just how much effort I put into drinking until I stopped. Transfer that energy into staying sober. Don't wait til cravings hit before you try to do something about it. Be prepared and figure out how you're gonna deal with things sober. Make plans and above all else, just don't drink
x
I hope that doesn't sound glib, but sometimes it helps to look at it from a positive angle.
I never realised just how much effort I put into drinking until I stopped. Transfer that energy into staying sober. Don't wait til cravings hit before you try to do something about it. Be prepared and figure out how you're gonna deal with things sober. Make plans and above all else, just don't drink
x
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 1,145
SR really helps me stay sober. I check in here whenever I have the free time, even if it's just to read around.
Other than that... I make sure that every time one of those thoughts come into my mind about drinking and that it'd be a good idea, to give it not a moment of my time or energy. I found Christmas really difficult. I was 9 months sober and was with all my family, who are pretty big drinkers. There was lots of talk of delicious wine that went with the delicious cheeses, etc, and my mind really was going into overdrive at certain points screaming "WELL JUST DRINK ONE! IT WON'T HURT!" I didn't - and I put that down to really, really instilling in myself the belief that it will NEVER be just one and it will NEVER not hurt! The truth is that I may have gone overboard in the early months... terrifying myself into what I'd done through alcohol and what I could do in the future if I started again... I'm beginning to realise that it probably wasn't a bad thing.
Also, I've come so far and my life is so much better now that staying sober pretty much happens by itself.
Keep going... give yourself a chance... remind yourself why you are sober and what you're giving up if you ever choose to drink.
Other than that... I make sure that every time one of those thoughts come into my mind about drinking and that it'd be a good idea, to give it not a moment of my time or energy. I found Christmas really difficult. I was 9 months sober and was with all my family, who are pretty big drinkers. There was lots of talk of delicious wine that went with the delicious cheeses, etc, and my mind really was going into overdrive at certain points screaming "WELL JUST DRINK ONE! IT WON'T HURT!" I didn't - and I put that down to really, really instilling in myself the belief that it will NEVER be just one and it will NEVER not hurt! The truth is that I may have gone overboard in the early months... terrifying myself into what I'd done through alcohol and what I could do in the future if I started again... I'm beginning to realise that it probably wasn't a bad thing.
Also, I've come so far and my life is so much better now that staying sober pretty much happens by itself.
Keep going... give yourself a chance... remind yourself why you are sober and what you're giving up if you ever choose to drink.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 645
I always remember that it is easier to stay sober than to get sober. Another thing you need to be aware of is complacency! I guess in AA they say to "'come place' your butt in a seat in the rooms of AA" to combat complacency.
That bell or bike person
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: london
Posts: 4,978
Thinking the drink through is a good tool in my armoury .. even if it is the one this time i know that given time it will increase over the following weeks and months untill i'm drinking 3 bottles of wine a night and quite a few spirits at the weekend ..
i have done this so many times , it's truely crazy for me to believe it would be different this time .. a week off , a month off , then one , then two , then five over the course of a few weeks or months then wham ! there isn't enough drink in the world for me ...
I also find remembering how awful it feels useful , i try to visulize and how it feels having a hangover for at least 5 mins a day when i brush my teeth .
I also don't want to put myself through those early days and weeks of recovery again as the ar'nt very nice compaired to where i am now . Encouraging others on here certainly keeps me mindful of that .
Bestwishes, M
i have done this so many times , it's truely crazy for me to believe it would be different this time .. a week off , a month off , then one , then two , then five over the course of a few weeks or months then wham ! there isn't enough drink in the world for me ...
I also find remembering how awful it feels useful , i try to visulize and how it feels having a hangover for at least 5 mins a day when i brush my teeth .
I also don't want to put myself through those early days and weeks of recovery again as the ar'nt very nice compaired to where i am now . Encouraging others on here certainly keeps me mindful of that .
Bestwishes, M
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Georgia
Posts: 3,062
I am finding after my 13 year sobriety followed by 8 years of active drinking that it is key that I discover why I made bad choices. I can avoid people places and things as well as not pick up a drink. For me I need to move on beyond not drinking. I have a LONG history of bad decision making! I am being very honest in counseling as well as reading/researching a ton to figure out the why.....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Tennessee... The mountainous side.
Posts: 157
great tools...
Originally Posted by mecanix
I also find remembering how awful it feels useful , i try to visulize and how it feels having a hangover for at least 5 mins a day when i brush my teeth .
I also don't want to put myself through those early days and weeks of recovery again as the ar'nt very nice compaired to where i am now . Encouraging others on here certainly keeps me mindful of that .M
I also don't want to put myself through those early days and weeks of recovery again as the ar'nt very nice compaired to where i am now . Encouraging others on here certainly keeps me mindful of that .M
What would lead to gaining more. Being drunk today... or being productive, happy, and non remorseful tomorrow.
Great advice, thanks.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 43
Thanks to everyone. So much of this is helpful. I really hope to find a community that fits me. I've tried AA in the past but found I was very uncomfortable there. I think I'll try again and check around to some other meetings. See if one of them suits me more. SR also seems to be an excellent resource so I'll be checking in frequently. 
Really appreciate all the tips and encouragement.
Really appreciate all the tips and encouragement.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Bklyn. NY
Posts: 1,859
AA gave me a huge bag of tools to use in order to hold onto my sobriety. The biggest tool in my bag is the 12 steps, and there are hundreds of others. It also benefitted me to be as honest, willing, and open minded as I could possibly be. I said yes to pretty much everything that was suggested in order for me to learn how to live a sober life.
If you haven't already read the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it's something I believe every alcoholic should go through at least once. Doesn't mean you have to do anything the book says, but it's a good idea to be familiar with it. It talks a lot about people who made a firm resolve to never drink again, and then inevitably, months, sometimes years later found themselves somehow drunk again. Some people can just stop and stay stopped, others can't. The solution in that book is for those who can't, or anyone else who simply wants to use it.
Another great book is Living Sober. No mention of god in there, for those who the god thing doesn't sit right with.
And another book that I found incredibly helpful that not many people know about is a book called Twelve Steps to Happiness, by Joe Klass. It's dirt cheap on amazon, and it's pretty easy straightforward reading.
If you haven't already read the book Alcoholics Anonymous, it's something I believe every alcoholic should go through at least once. Doesn't mean you have to do anything the book says, but it's a good idea to be familiar with it. It talks a lot about people who made a firm resolve to never drink again, and then inevitably, months, sometimes years later found themselves somehow drunk again. Some people can just stop and stay stopped, others can't. The solution in that book is for those who can't, or anyone else who simply wants to use it.
Another great book is Living Sober. No mention of god in there, for those who the god thing doesn't sit right with.
And another book that I found incredibly helpful that not many people know about is a book called Twelve Steps to Happiness, by Joe Klass. It's dirt cheap on amazon, and it's pretty easy straightforward reading.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Des Moines IA
Posts: 377
How I got it was from a guy who had it to give who was not mystified regarding how I could stay comfortably sober for life. He knew and brought me along the same path.
He's 41 years sober now.
Dan, the guy that gave it to him died sober. Chuck, the one who gave it to Dan died sober. The man who gave it to Chuck co-founded AA and died sober.
All of us, bad drunks who couldn't stay sober and comfortable for very long on our own.
If you can find something that works better, then do that thing instead of AA.
He's 41 years sober now.
Dan, the guy that gave it to him died sober. Chuck, the one who gave it to Dan died sober. The man who gave it to Chuck co-founded AA and died sober.
All of us, bad drunks who couldn't stay sober and comfortable for very long on our own.
If you can find something that works better, then do that thing instead of AA.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
We each of has have differing experiences to share with new folks like you, Amelia99. For me, the penny dropped when I finally got that I didn't have to drink. I was afraid, I was depressed, I was angry, I was anxious, I was ashamed. I came to understand that these feelings faded to grey when I made the commitment to quit, to never take another drink. They did not disappear, but I learned to accept that I might feel a little bit like that from time to time, but that these feelings cannot compel me to drink.
I have that power in and of myself, Amelia. The urge to drink can make me think that I must follow it, but the urge itself has no power, it is helpless. I have a brain, I have hopes and dreams, and it is within me to make those hopes come true.
It is within you too, Amelia, you can come to the same place in your mind. This can start right now if you choose. Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
I have that power in and of myself, Amelia. The urge to drink can make me think that I must follow it, but the urge itself has no power, it is helpless. I have a brain, I have hopes and dreams, and it is within me to make those hopes come true.
It is within you too, Amelia, you can come to the same place in your mind. This can start right now if you choose. Are you ready to make your plan about continuing to use alcohol?
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