HereIAm321

What do you guys do when you hear your AV in times of happiness?

For example, whenever I'm having a great day, and being social and laughing & smiling a lot, my AV says "Don't you feel GREAT?! Bring me along! Come on, you know I'll make you happy if you just have 1!"

It's ridiculous because I know I WON'T be happy if I drink even 1, yet I have all this energy and nowhere to put it. I get super happy and super restless, and I'm loving life so much, and it's almost as if....my AV tries to *top* that. Make me happier. Send me into an orbit of bliss with its chemicals. I know exercise will release a lot of this energy, but today I'm super busy and won't have time. Meditating might help too?, however every time I try to focus on it, all my thoughts flood my brain.

It's almost as if somewhere inside I don't WANT to be happy? And/or, I always want to top every thing I feel and take it to the extreme?

Is this typical of recovery? Having great days? This is only day 2 (again). Am I manic and cycling? It's so hard to tell the difference, because the last couple of years is when I've suspected I might be slightly bipolar/cyclothymic, and yet the past couple years is also when I started drinking heavily and developing a problem with alcohol.

p.s. I will be signing up for exercise classes this semester along with writing my thesis. I used to be addicted to exercise, I mean I LOVED it and couldn't get enough.

Even this post *itself* sounds manic to me.....

least

I just ignore it.

Natom

I get into my head and beat the voice down with a copy of the basic text. It's all just an illusion. In times of happiness you expect everything to be ok and then BLAMM!!! your head starts going. It's normal. You end up getting used to it. Don't be scared of it. When it comes up just sit down and think of the consequences of your drinking for 5 minutes and then carry on with your day.

Natom.

HereIAm321

I just reread the page on urge surfing and tried to be the observer. Took a few deep breaths and focused on the feeling of the sun on my skin.

It seems to have lessened thus far.

I'm going to do some more writing now and see if that helps too.

Natom

Writing helps more than you think it would. At least it does for me. Sometimes I like going to a secluded place and just screaming at the top of my lungs.

Natom.

sugarbear1

keep urge surfing. you are on day 2.....

you will have an emotional roller coaster for a few weeks, just prepare for that, and they can change within minutes of each other and not just in days!

give time time! heal well!!

Coldfusion

This is crucial to my mental well-being also, and right after I finish typing this I am going outside to split firewood. Today has not been easy, I just got off the phone with mother.

Also, 3, talk to your doctor about this--I am not sure if you take medications regularly, but they act very differently when you do not drink. I never believed medications really helped me, because they didn't work because I was drinking.

awuh1

I remember someone saying alcoholism is a disease of MORE. You seem to have expressed that same thought.

Xune

I acknowledge it being there and seeing as I no longer drink alcohol, I tell said voice to **** off.

Dee74

It's in Caroline Knapp's book. It may be in other places too.

D

Sazzle

Journaling helps me. Just making a note of my feelings and thoughts daily. I've learnt a few patterns of mine are hormonal so I can just kind of accept them and ignore them. Being happy/good news is always a trigger for me too. It's as if I need to subconsciously bring myself down. Urge surfing works. I kind of think 'i'll see how I feel tomorrow before I react'. Chances are I'm over it the next day. If not rinse & repeat until I am over it.

I'm reading 'taming the black dog: how to beat depression' at the moment and its excellent.

S x

vegibean

Here, you must be in your 20's or 30's because you sound like me back in the day. I had to learn how to relax. Even in getting sober, I had to put a sign on my wall across from my bed that read "DON'T GET UP, STAY THERE!!!!" Because every time I'd lay down I'd think of something else I "needed" to do and I'd be back at it again. I had to train myself.

Go with the exercise, I'm in my 40's and enjoy it, but have to do it also, lol!!! Ugh!! :P

By the way, I asked my boss today "what do you tell people when they want to get sober and then every couple of weeks or months they relapse and get upset..."

He said "it's like finding your keys, it's (recovery) right where you left it, when you find them, don't let them go or let anyone take them away."

Anyway, I might have said this before because I am a big advocate of it, but if you can get a therapist to talk to that will help you deal with some of your issues and help you with some coping skills you may find that helpful. I'm starting on Monday.

Here, don't let that voice get to you, you can beat it, you ARE bigger than it is.

HereIAm321

Indeed, I am 29 years old!