Now what?! STBXAH wants children for consecutive days...but is this safe?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Now what?! STBXAH wants children for consecutive days...but is this safe?
Hi dear SR folks,
Things have quieted down nicely since AH left back across the ocean. Of course, now there is no money for food or rent somehow, but I am not ready to talk about that here yet.
In the meantime, he plans on returning next month and wants to have the children - preferably 2 at a time and not all 4 at once he says - for several days in a row. Last holiday he stayed in a hotel and had them for half day chunks. So, 2 in morning, say, and another 1 or 2 in pm.
We have as yet nothing legal in place. He is rotten to me but wants me to file for divorce I guess, since he seems to be waiting... Sometimes he threatens to come into the apt which is in both our names and make me let him sleep here. He says he will come with the local police...in which case I would, btw, run to a friends with the children and call my dv advocate and lawyer...
So question is: do I agree to him having. Overnights with the children? I don't know what is going on with him because I don't live with him as of a few months ago. He seems like a wreck to me and my guess is that he is drinking and falling apart and is unstable mentally. Plus he is known to drink and drive.
But, he hasn't been caught doing anything. His abuse of me, dui, drinking...it is all relatively undercover and he remains very succesful professionally.
P.S. i don't want him having overnights with the children. Not out of vindictiveness but concern for the children. But here in this country some of the advocates on my team seem to think it would be better to let him try.
Your thoughts, as always, would be greatly appreciated
Things have quieted down nicely since AH left back across the ocean. Of course, now there is no money for food or rent somehow, but I am not ready to talk about that here yet.
In the meantime, he plans on returning next month and wants to have the children - preferably 2 at a time and not all 4 at once he says - for several days in a row. Last holiday he stayed in a hotel and had them for half day chunks. So, 2 in morning, say, and another 1 or 2 in pm.
We have as yet nothing legal in place. He is rotten to me but wants me to file for divorce I guess, since he seems to be waiting... Sometimes he threatens to come into the apt which is in both our names and make me let him sleep here. He says he will come with the local police...in which case I would, btw, run to a friends with the children and call my dv advocate and lawyer...
So question is: do I agree to him having. Overnights with the children? I don't know what is going on with him because I don't live with him as of a few months ago. He seems like a wreck to me and my guess is that he is drinking and falling apart and is unstable mentally. Plus he is known to drink and drive.
But, he hasn't been caught doing anything. His abuse of me, dui, drinking...it is all relatively undercover and he remains very succesful professionally.
P.S. i don't want him having overnights with the children. Not out of vindictiveness but concern for the children. But here in this country some of the advocates on my team seem to think it would be better to let him try.
Your thoughts, as always, would be greatly appreciated
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
How about starting off with supervised visitation? Is there some neutral person he might agree to have around while he spends time with the kids?
I'm sorry but I've just come back into SR so I don't know your whole story. Is there a reason you don't feel you can file for divorce or separation right now? Having an order in place would be the best way to ensure the kids' safety, not to mention your own security in your home. A preliminary order could establish that you have the sole right to reside in the apartment and could set out the parameters for visitation.
Alternatively, depending on the nature of the abuse, you might qualify for a restraining order that would accomplish the same thing. I would strongly recommend that you consult with a lawyer to explore your options.
I'm sorry but I've just come back into SR so I don't know your whole story. Is there a reason you don't feel you can file for divorce or separation right now? Having an order in place would be the best way to ensure the kids' safety, not to mention your own security in your home. A preliminary order could establish that you have the sole right to reside in the apartment and could set out the parameters for visitation.
Alternatively, depending on the nature of the abuse, you might qualify for a restraining order that would accomplish the same thing. I would strongly recommend that you consult with a lawyer to explore your options.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 1,038
Hi Lexie,
I am not in the U.S., and over here things are done quite differently. I am working on getting a peaceful divorce agreement from AH, but don't have everything in place to act yet. My alternative would be expensive, take ages but I would have the apt in my name then at least.
It is nice being an ocean away from my old 17 year marriage,etc - but this country goes about things slowly and politely, which is tough when the AH is unruly and unpredictable...although there are so many merits to sticking to the high road
I am not in the U.S., and over here things are done quite differently. I am working on getting a peaceful divorce agreement from AH, but don't have everything in place to act yet. My alternative would be expensive, take ages but I would have the apt in my name then at least.
It is nice being an ocean away from my old 17 year marriage,etc - but this country goes about things slowly and politely, which is tough when the AH is unruly and unpredictable...although there are so many merits to sticking to the high road
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