FaithNhope12

My husband went to an inpatient rehab a few months after getting arrested and me leaving with twin infants. However,i don't believe he has stopped using prescription drugs. He has excuses and blames me being a bitch for why he wants to do drugs in the first place.. I feel he played me for a fool because i told him I wouldn't let him move back with me unless he got help and was sober and now he is just doing the same thing.. trying to scam money any way he can.. it's so pathetic... I just don't know what I am supposed to do now. I want him back to the way he was .. I want him to be sober and a good dad but I just don't know who he is anymore ... please help!

Ilovemysonjj

Hello and welcome to SR. My addict is my son. All I can say is that rehab doesn't work if the addict doesn't want help. There is so much information on this site. One article that really helped me was a post regarding "gaslighting" which explains how the addict will deflect all blame and suspicion back on their enablers. I understand also how you want everything to be the way it was "before". Sadly, there is never going to be the "before". There is only what is next. Please read as much as you can here to understand addiction and how our loved ones mentality changes from what we knew "before" to what is "now". Until he decides he is done, you are in for lies, deceipt, heartbreak and tears. You need to protect your children and your sanity. I have made very hard choices on what I will or will not do with my oldest son to protect my other two children, he is in jail now due to stealing from us (4 times!).
If your husband is not willing to accept his responsibility for his addiction, he is NOT DONE.
There are many more who will respond to you who are wives or significant others of their addicts who can help with their experience, strength and support.
Please keep reading, we are here for you!
Hugs,
Teresa

FaithNhope12

Thank you for your response and I am sorry for what you are going through also. My mother in law is so upset by this and can't believe this has happened to her.. She feels she did something wrong with him but I know it's not her fault as she is such a great mother... I hope they both get their acts together and get into recovery and be serious about it

crazybabie

hello dtrim, You are going through a lot there are a lot of good stickies at the top of this forum may I suggest you read there and reading post helps also. I agree with you that he probably has not stopped the drugs someone really working recovery would not blame another for their use. Remember You didn't cause it, You can't control it, You can't cure it.

I have 2 sons who are my addicts and my husband, I find that meetings at Ala-non or Nar-non ( if you have one I don't) helps me with detaching as we can get so involved with what our addicted loves ones are doing.

Maylie

If you don't believe he has stopped using drugs then he most likely hasn't. Also, anyone that is in recovery wouldn't be deflecting their use on others. Deflecting is a huge cop-out. It takes no effort to blame using on others, but it takes alot of self reflection and digging to find what void they are trying to fill within themselves with drugs.

With such small children in the house, please put their safety before anything. If he is living in the house and using please do not leave him alone with the babies, the horror stories are endless of what happens when an addict watches small children.

Have you set any boundaries? One of my boundaries is that I will not live or associate with an active addict. Boundaries have helped me stick to what I believe without second guessing myself. When it comes to a loved one who is an addict we tend to second guess what we should do, so instead of giving myself a chance to second guess myself, I set a boundary and if it is crossed the person must go.

Keep posting and reading, there is alot of really good information on here.