Lionhearted1

Hi met my fiancé 6 years when I met her she was heavly addicted to cannabis but rarely drunk she subsequently gave it up 4 years ago and barely mentions smoking ever, but during this period I was drinking heavily and almost encouraged her to drink with me and over the years her tolerance has increased.

Since I have stopped drinking I have really noticed her drinking, she drinks a bottle of wine most nights and more sometimes, she can stop and many times she might leave some wine in the bottle but sometimes she does not. She rarely blacks out always gets up and never misses work but i know its a very slippery slope and worry she may be heading that way. Her mum was an alcoholic and died from it, I just hope I have not encouraged her and given her bad habits that may lead to alcoholism...

Natom

We can certainly enable people to use or drink. But at the end of the day it is their choice. I used to give cocaine to a girl I knew who was still using when I decided to clean up. I feel guilty. I didn't make her an addict, but I sure helped her along.

Natom.

Eliz181144

One of the things I am most ashamed to admit is that when I drank heavily I was such a pusher. I guess in some twisted way I wanted to take others down with me. After a while, my partner wouldn't even go to the bathroom at a restaurant because two drink would inevitable arrive. It nearly broke up our otherwise solid 7 year relationship.

awuh1

It does not sound like it's too much of a problem for her. I'm glad to see that YOU are sober!

doggonecarl

I hope her bad habits don't keep your alcoholism active.

wpainterw

Of course we can influence others. This happens in the colleges all the time, particularly in the frat and sorority houses. But when you turn a corner and get a handle on the situation, as you appear to be doing (congratulations!) you can influence folks the other way, not boss them around but merely set an example, show them how much happiness is possible by not drinking. They'll see that and then hopefully they'll want some of that happiness for themselves
This website is another way people help other people. It's free and it's a very good place to be.

W.

Xune

Our actions can certainly influence the behaviour of others in all facets of life, including drug abuse.

People can influence others both negatively and positively.

Ohio1

I smoked a ton of weed before I drank much and I personally could switch the two just fine I just needed one or the other. It seems pretty common for alcoholics who like pot to be able to "quit" drinking and do the old maintenance thing. Likewise most smokers if they need to stop will find that alcohol fills that void nicely which is what it sounds like happened here.

FreeFall

I think you're wise to be concerned, but I don't think you caused it to begin with. I believe that the thing that separates problem drinkers from normal drinkers (and I do believe it is some kind of gene) is either present or it isn't. People that have it have to work to control it, people that don't, don't. I don't think addiction is only just a bad habit...

I was always the one who planned the parties-I'm responsible for a lot of hangovers and I'm not proud of it. I don't ever remember encouraging anyone to drink to excess but I set the stage and created occasions where we'd all overdo it.

I see red flags in some of what you described. It would be nice if she quit along with you to give a great start to the marriage...