Recently Ex Bf is a Coke Addict
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 3
Recently Ex Bf is a Coke Addict
Hi everyone, I've been lurking and reading for a while to deal with the problems caused by my XABF. Coke is his problem, I knew he used but until he moved in I thought it was recreational, I was wrong.
So, the using got worse (at least 3 times a week that I knew about) and I got tired of his paranoia (hearing things that weren't there) the wandering, the drinking way too much when using, the shady text messages to his Dealer and the drop offs that followed, the tears he always shed, the apologies that meant nothing, he started to miss work, I enabled him by calling his work saying he was sick and I realised I was so unhappy in the "relationship". Like others have posted I was really alone. Then I found SR.
After yet another bender, and much reading on SR I told him it was over. I asked him to leave just before Christmas and gave him a week to find somewhere to live which he did. The relief I felt when I got home from work and his stuff had gone was incredible.
In hindsight I ignored several red flags (never had a good thing to say about his ex wife, didn't see his kids, terrible financial issues, everything was someone elses fault, etc etc) and in a typical Codependent manner I thought I could make everything Ok. Well I can`t.
I went no contact, let my close friends and family know the truth why we split up and started to get my life back together, seeing friends, family, exercising and eating well, reading about independence, I feel so much better.
Unfortunately I still pay for his mobile, it's in contract until June and registered to my address, I don't want to get a bad credit rating, he can't pay as he hasn't got a bank account with a Direct Debit facility. So I'm still enabling him. He puts cash through the door to pay.
After I've done so well dealing with all this I've had the expected `I've really f***** this up` text today, followed by the `I miss you` text and the `let me take you out for a meal` text. I ignored all of them.
Sorry for rambling on, I had to unload somewhere that people understand. I don't hate him, I hate the addiction. I could go on about all the craziness being with an addict causes, but my experience is no different to all the other posts I've read no matter what the DOC was.
I will not be involved with an addict, I must keep enforcing my boundaries and remember I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it.
Thanks for reading my ramble, I hope it helps others in the same situation.
So, the using got worse (at least 3 times a week that I knew about) and I got tired of his paranoia (hearing things that weren't there) the wandering, the drinking way too much when using, the shady text messages to his Dealer and the drop offs that followed, the tears he always shed, the apologies that meant nothing, he started to miss work, I enabled him by calling his work saying he was sick and I realised I was so unhappy in the "relationship". Like others have posted I was really alone. Then I found SR.
After yet another bender, and much reading on SR I told him it was over. I asked him to leave just before Christmas and gave him a week to find somewhere to live which he did. The relief I felt when I got home from work and his stuff had gone was incredible.
In hindsight I ignored several red flags (never had a good thing to say about his ex wife, didn't see his kids, terrible financial issues, everything was someone elses fault, etc etc) and in a typical Codependent manner I thought I could make everything Ok. Well I can`t.
I went no contact, let my close friends and family know the truth why we split up and started to get my life back together, seeing friends, family, exercising and eating well, reading about independence, I feel so much better.
Unfortunately I still pay for his mobile, it's in contract until June and registered to my address, I don't want to get a bad credit rating, he can't pay as he hasn't got a bank account with a Direct Debit facility. So I'm still enabling him. He puts cash through the door to pay.
After I've done so well dealing with all this I've had the expected `I've really f***** this up` text today, followed by the `I miss you` text and the `let me take you out for a meal` text. I ignored all of them.
Sorry for rambling on, I had to unload somewhere that people understand. I don't hate him, I hate the addiction. I could go on about all the craziness being with an addict causes, but my experience is no different to all the other posts I've read no matter what the DOC was.
I will not be involved with an addict, I must keep enforcing my boundaries and remember I didn't cause it, I can't control it, I can't cure it.
Thanks for reading my ramble, I hope it helps others in the same situation.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am glad you stepped out of the shadows and joined us.
Your thinking shows recovery, sometimes it's hard to make our actions follow.
I don't text, never have and never will. That solves a lot of problems that can't happen for me.
Hugs
Your thinking shows recovery, sometimes it's hard to make our actions follow.
I don't text, never have and never will. That solves a lot of problems that can't happen for me.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Chicago area
Posts: 4,269
Have you considered changing your own number so that you don't receive his text messages, anymore?
Phone plans differ, carrier to carrier. Have you spoken with the carrier about alternatives? Perhaps they will consider extending your contract for your phone and disconnect the phone he uses.
Remember, you are not his only option and are worth more than his addiction.
Phone plans differ, carrier to carrier. Have you spoken with the carrier about alternatives? Perhaps they will consider extending your contract for your phone and disconnect the phone he uses.
Remember, you are not his only option and are worth more than his addiction.
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