Redheadsusie

he texted me this am, and said - when in our marriage did you stop being for there for me and stop being my friend? Really???????????? WTF?

I wanted so bad to respond many things - one being you are an idiot- the next was friends don't lie about their drug use and alcohol to their wife so this is on you - next - when you continually put weed and alcohol ahead of me all of our kids - the other involved many curse words..............

I deleted - did not engage but since I read it I am thinking of it. He is such a victim- always has been- I am trying to not miss him- the good him- whatever that was - this kind of thing makes me ******* nuts - I always had to hold everything together - the finances - the house - us- never getting anything from him- cause he was always hurting inside as he put it.
Well you know what I hurt inside too - but I wake up smiling and enjoy every day. I lost both parents and I still am trucking and loving life with no drunk AH here as best I can.

To be honest - maybe I am the best friend the ******* ever had- the only one who ever stood up to his drinking and drug use....... and told him it was wrong.

If I didn't come here I was gonna engage. Thanks for listening.

ReflectingOnMe

anytime...hope everyone on SR realizes how sane it makes us when we can vent our REAL thoughts!

alia

It's nice to think clearly, huh? I'm still getting there but people like you remind me its possible to make progress and not get sucked into their pity-parties.

marie1960

"he texted me this am, and said - when in our marriage did you stop being for there for me and stop being my friend? Really???????????? WTF? " (Redheadsusie)

And his inability to see his role/part in any of this ? = DENIAL

It truly overwhelms me......... their ability to manipulate, control, shift the focus, bait, the do anything, say anything, to protect their addiction and life choices. It's so sad that they can't/won't take all that energy and apply it to their recovery.

I can remember just wanting to scream, " You want to know what's wrong? well look in the mirror, you out of control ass" !!!!

Stay strong! Sending you support.

LaTeeDa

It seems he's only trying what has worked in the past? My AH used to know exactly what buttons to push to get me to react. It worked very well for quite some time. Until I had enough.

Sounds like you've had enough....

L

ZiggyB

I have been there... it is so infuriating

When I refused to put up with his drinking any longer, he turned the tables around on me and said I was not supportive of his hopes and dreams or his friends (i.e. the drinking buddies)

I felt I was the only one who really cared about him because I didn't think he needed to be drinking all day when he was unemployed and I was worried about him. He still thinks of himself as the victim and I'm the big meanie.

mmk11

Good on you for not engaging! A's love to blame and lay on the guilt trips. It took me being separated from my AH to know my triggers for my anger and to stop reacting to him. It kind of takes the wind out of their sails!

Katiekate

Ahhh and there in lies the reasons for the end.

When what used to work doesn't anymore, you have changed, alcoholics hate change, change means work, change means looking at yourself. Addiction hates change.

thislonelygirl

The addict pity party. Wah me! Hes an addict...thats what they do.
My ah will go on his cry a river poor me moment (s)
I just laugh a little inside....poor him? Poor me! Lol
So unattractive. Just remember hes all sorts of messed up upstairs...
It is just ranting

vegibean

I'm so glad you came here, stay strong!! When I hear these stories, and there are many, I really wish the addict would get it together and take the right steps. You all have a family and his role as victim isn't working and it's too bad he's not getting it. Proud of you for not responding.

Confetti

Good job on not engaging!

And as a side note....I have received that exact same message from my STBXAH a couple of months ago. Kind of humorous how they use the same tactics!