Sponsee Challenges
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 8
Sponsee Challenges
I am a very grateful recovering addict/alcoholic who has four (4) sponsees at the moment. I have eight (8) of sobriety this month. We all know that each sponsee if different and in order to help them successfully navigate the Steps their differences have to be accounted for.
My issue (and question) is the following: "How can you be fairly certain and what would your look for as indications that your sponsee has pulled you in and made you part of their addictive action patterns?" I have my own suspicions of the dynamic occurring with one specific sponsee, but don't want to tilt anyones response by stating what I think is going on. I am interested in others experiences. Thanks in advance.
My issue (and question) is the following: "How can you be fairly certain and what would your look for as indications that your sponsee has pulled you in and made you part of their addictive action patterns?" I have my own suspicions of the dynamic occurring with one specific sponsee, but don't want to tilt anyones response by stating what I think is going on. I am interested in others experiences. Thanks in advance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 8
Sponsee differences
Of course the Steps are the Steps, but the amount of time it takes each to work through the steps can vary significantly, that's all I was referring to. Any input on my question is appreciated. dA44id
~sb
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: MD
Posts: 15,967
My sponsor has a process for working those steps that is quite painless, if a sponsee isn't willing to work the steps in this manner, they are free to get another sponsor, otherwise the manipulation has already begun.
For example, I wasn't going to work on step 3 until I made a commitment to a date and a time (early morning because it would be 4-6 hours long) for the 5th step.
All "ground rules" are set prior to working together.
I worked through the steps 3 times with my sponsor, the third time I learned the sponsor's process. I worked with another person and guided them through the steps when I had 8 months of sobriety using the same process of working through the steps.
Maybe stop accommodating and just have a process and make certain everyone knows all of the rules for working together. (what a sponsor is and isn't going to do, make sure a network is set up, meet once a week, call on these days, commit to a specific number of meetings, work the steps as suggested & directed, call 24 hours in advance if cancelling a meeting, etc.)
For example, I wasn't going to work on step 3 until I made a commitment to a date and a time (early morning because it would be 4-6 hours long) for the 5th step.
All "ground rules" are set prior to working together.
I worked through the steps 3 times with my sponsor, the third time I learned the sponsor's process. I worked with another person and guided them through the steps when I had 8 months of sobriety using the same process of working through the steps.
Maybe stop accommodating and just have a process and make certain everyone knows all of the rules for working together. (what a sponsor is and isn't going to do, make sure a network is set up, meet once a week, call on these days, commit to a specific number of meetings, work the steps as suggested & directed, call 24 hours in advance if cancelling a meeting, etc.)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Cleveland Ohio
Posts: 133
Each step is driven by a principle. Then the question becomes " Do you understand the principle that drives / motivates this step, and are you willing to incorporate it in your life?? Very simple, 90 days is more than enough time for anyone.
"How can you be fairly certain and what would your look for as indications that your sponsee has pulled you in and made you part of their addictive action patterns?"
I have no idea what you are talking about, but I smell rehab / therapy nonsence all over this. Iv'e sponsored dozens and dozens of guys, and I have a 100% perfect sucess rate. I never got drunk with any of them. At 8 mo sober I think 4 sponcees is 3 to many. This is not an acedemic excercise. You are in charge of another mans spiritual delevelopment.
"How can you be fairly certain and what would your look for as indications that your sponsee has pulled you in and made you part of their addictive action patterns?"
I have no idea what you are talking about, but I smell rehab / therapy nonsence all over this. Iv'e sponsored dozens and dozens of guys, and I have a 100% perfect sucess rate. I never got drunk with any of them. At 8 mo sober I think 4 sponcees is 3 to many. This is not an acedemic excercise. You are in charge of another mans spiritual delevelopment.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
Greetings fellow Ohioan!
It seems no 2 sponsees are the same. Some are willing to do what you suggest some are not. Some are looking for something different in a sponsor/ sponsee relationship. The first talk I have with a sponsee is "This is what I understand sponsorship to be.... If thats not what you want then lets talk to someone else." If someone isnt wanting to work the steps then Im not the sponsor for them. Some people just want a person to talk to or to get a ride from. Which is cool with me. I can do that too, but lets call it what it is. Either Im a sponsor and we are working the program together or I am a friend and Ill talk to you from time to time and give ya a ride if you need it. Ill do either, but a sponsee who is looking to work the steps is going to be my priority.
That being said, ive had to have that same talk with guys who I had been sponsoring for months who came to a halt or were dragging their feet. Along the lines of "there really is no sponsoring going on here. I am here if you need me regardless, but if you are going to call me your sponsor, let's get back to work."
It seems no 2 sponsees are the same. Some are willing to do what you suggest some are not. Some are looking for something different in a sponsor/ sponsee relationship. The first talk I have with a sponsee is "This is what I understand sponsorship to be.... If thats not what you want then lets talk to someone else." If someone isnt wanting to work the steps then Im not the sponsor for them. Some people just want a person to talk to or to get a ride from. Which is cool with me. I can do that too, but lets call it what it is. Either Im a sponsor and we are working the program together or I am a friend and Ill talk to you from time to time and give ya a ride if you need it. Ill do either, but a sponsee who is looking to work the steps is going to be my priority.
That being said, ive had to have that same talk with guys who I had been sponsoring for months who came to a halt or were dragging their feet. Along the lines of "there really is no sponsoring going on here. I am here if you need me regardless, but if you are going to call me your sponsor, let's get back to work."
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 8
CFM,
Where did 8 months come from? My sobriety date is 1/17/2005 and I have sponsored a dozen or more in that time. My question has nothing to do with my sobriety, I have 8 SOLID years. My question concerned subtle forms of interaction between a sponsor and sponsee. If you want to pass, that's fine, but thank you for replying.
Where did 8 months come from? My sobriety date is 1/17/2005 and I have sponsored a dozen or more in that time. My question has nothing to do with my sobriety, I have 8 SOLID years. My question concerned subtle forms of interaction between a sponsor and sponsee. If you want to pass, that's fine, but thank you for replying.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 8
BBThumper,
I've had to do the same with those that just won't work the program after months of attempting, but want to use me as their complaint counter for life. I have one particular sponsee that, in the beginning I felt had great promise. But my worst fear is that he has turned out to be "cunning, baffling, powerful" and that his disease, like a vacuum , is sucking in everything/everyone he encounters. You're words have given me the insight and clarity to know that I have to end the Sponsorship role and though I may remain a friend, I must still be careful. Thank you.
I've had to do the same with those that just won't work the program after months of attempting, but want to use me as their complaint counter for life. I have one particular sponsee that, in the beginning I felt had great promise. But my worst fear is that he has turned out to be "cunning, baffling, powerful" and that his disease, like a vacuum , is sucking in everything/everyone he encounters. You're words have given me the insight and clarity to know that I have to end the Sponsorship role and though I may remain a friend, I must still be careful. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Cleveland, OH
Posts: 1,191
What it boils down to is that either God needs to use us to help someone else or he doesn't. I never know if what I have done actually helps someone or not. If I do what I can to be what I believe God wants me to be then Ive done all I can. He is the force behind any help that I can give or receive.
Best wishes to ya!
Best wishes to ya!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Columbus, Ohio
Posts: 8
Agreed, I give all that I can to those in my life, both in the Fellowship and those that are not. I try to make the world, as I can affect it, better today than yesterday. God bless !!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
"How can you be fairly certain and what would your look for as indications that your sponsee has pulled you in and made you part of their addictive action patterns?"
10th and 11th step on myself and talk with my sponsor.
10th and 11th step on myself and talk with my sponsor.
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