juliep

This morning I finally left my abf, after discovering he had turned to vodka again as well as beer.
I have been with him for three years and have seen him through two stays in rehab. I have tolerated the lies, the verbal abuse etc etc but this morning I realised enough is enough.
I gathered up my cats and a few belongings and left.
But .......
I havent heard from him all day, and I must admit I'm worried.
Should I check on him?
I will need to go back at some time to get the rest of my things - should I go soon or leave it a while?
Would really appreciate your opinions please
Thank you x

PS He didnt notice me packing or leaving - he was passed out on the couch!

suki44883

Congratulations on taking your life back!

If you can do without your other stuff for a while, I'd suggest just leaving things be for now. You need time away from his chaos. When the time is right, maybe you could have a friend or relative go with you to retrieve the rest of your belongings.

Hang in there. This is a great place for support, but you might want to check out some alanon meetings for some face-to-face support. (((HUGS)))

bamboo10

I left recently to. Do not check up on him. Yes-you are worried....I was and am to, but checking up just shows him that with some slight manipulation he can pull you back in. Stay Strong. Feel free to pm me if you need to chat.

bamboo10

Ps-Good for you for sticking up for yourself! You deserve so much better!

secondwind

Good foe doing what is right for you.

It is hard not to worry... but I would not check up on him. This is the time to take care of your self. Sadly you will hear from him soon... stay strong.

Unless you have to have what is still there... i would leave it. Or write out what it is you want and maybe someone can pick it up for you ir atleast go with you.

Have you decided to go no contact? Or will you stay in contact?

Carrie

The Belle Of The Ball

Maylie

Great job finally deciding that you have had enough. I'm happy you were able to get yourself and your cats out safely.

I personally wouldn't go check on him. He is either drinking to forget that you left, out, or he just knows that if he stays quiet for long enough you will eventually come around and see if he is okay. He is a grown man and is more than capable of taking care of himself. He also might not think that you are serious about leaving, or who knows, he might think you just went out for all we know! It is impossible to figure out the logic of an addict, so we might as well just move forward with out lives.

Right now instead of worrying about him, you should put the focus a 100% on yourself and on getting yourself emotionally and physically healthy. You deserve to have a fulfilled and healthy life, and it will take some time to get yourself to a normal routine.

juliep

Thank you for your comments :-)
He just phoned - wondering why I took the cats!!!
Now I know that he is alive I feel better (funny how your imagination runs wild!) - I wont be going back to get the rest of my things for a while
I feel so pleased with myself for leaving - I was shaking like a leaf this morning, now I feel like this is the first day of the rest of my life
x

fluffyflea

Don,t check on him whatever you do. If it,s over it;s over can you wait to get the rest of your stuff?

ZiggyB

Good for you!

I'm sure he will be fine and probably doing the same crap whether you're there or not.

I'm glad you took the cats too! hee hee

FifiRhubarb

Good for you, like everyone else here has already said! It is not easy. It sounds like you are doing better now and I hope it stays that way! If you find yourself wanting to reach out or worrying about him again, try to think about how he wasn't able to stop drinking with you in his life, so clearly you are not taking away his lifeline, if that makes sense. Once I realized that my ex was making terrible life choices and continuing to drink, even with me and my family being there for him, the guilt and responsibility went away.

Diva76

See the cat to the left of this post?
That's Heidi Kitty Kat (the absolute luv of my life)
She was with me through EVERYTHING...
I remember my ex being upset with me for taking her...

I can understand you're feeling torn...
That's not unreasonable at all...

As far as your belongings, I would wait a while, that way you can work on stabilizing your own emotions...

When you do go back, I would do it when he's not there (if that's possible)
Or if he "insists" on being there...don't go alone...

Oh and if he acts "indifferent" towards you, try not to take it personally...

That's just the disease talking....

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but thank GOD your getting away from such an unhealthy situation...

Linda

NYCDoglvr

Do not check up on him, he isn't a child and you're not his mother. He's an adult and responsible for his disease ... understand that he decided to drink instead of picking up the phone and asking for help.

You've taken a very brave, bold step and I hope you get a lot of support. I started going to daily Alanon meetings and it saved my sanity and kept me from "checking up".
Alas, a leopard doesn't change his/her spots and alcoholics drink.