Feeling low
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Feeling low
Happy new year! I hope everyone had a sober and safe one 
I am happy to say that I have 49 days today. It seems longer and the number is low but it is an accomplishment nonetheless. I have some real obstacles right now as my license is suspended and it has been very difficult for me to get to work. I was positive for awhile but lately I just feel so depressed and want to sleep all the time. I am still making my AA meetings daily and working the steps thanks to support from the women in the program. And I know my DUI could have led to MUCH MUCH worse things and am grateful for that. I at first was concerned I would lose my job or get arrested the times I have had to drive to work because honestly I have no other way. At this point I have given all of this to my higher power because I believe that everything that's been happening to me is supposed to. My fears right now are real...possible loss of job, home, ending up in jail if I get caught driving. Only for the last week or so have I been getting little urges here and there to say "f it" and just drink. BUT, I believe I lost my right to drink that night I blacked out and drove. And I want to live a different life. Guess I already am by being sober but it's just hard being in this position. I can't get a work permit until March 7th. There is a light in this tunnel but it seems far off. If anyone can offer some advice on how you got thru the really difficult times when everything seemed to be working against you I'd really appreciate it
I am happy to say that I have 49 days today. It seems longer and the number is low but it is an accomplishment nonetheless. I have some real obstacles right now as my license is suspended and it has been very difficult for me to get to work. I was positive for awhile but lately I just feel so depressed and want to sleep all the time. I am still making my AA meetings daily and working the steps thanks to support from the women in the program. And I know my DUI could have led to MUCH MUCH worse things and am grateful for that. I at first was concerned I would lose my job or get arrested the times I have had to drive to work because honestly I have no other way. At this point I have given all of this to my higher power because I believe that everything that's been happening to me is supposed to. My fears right now are real...possible loss of job, home, ending up in jail if I get caught driving. Only for the last week or so have I been getting little urges here and there to say "f it" and just drink. BUT, I believe I lost my right to drink that night I blacked out and drove. And I want to live a different life. Guess I already am by being sober but it's just hard being in this position. I can't get a work permit until March 7th. There is a light in this tunnel but it seems far off. If anyone can offer some advice on how you got thru the really difficult times when everything seemed to be working against you I'd really appreciate it 
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: CA desert
Posts: 1,599
The toughest times for me were when I had no one to talk to, either it was too late in the evening, or I didn't want to bother them or when I had no idea what to do and was too ashamed to ask for advice. It's most difficult when we're alone in our own misery and we blame ourselves like we're some kind of total loser or failure at life. We forget that the best among us have had their weak moments, have made mistakes they like to sweep under the bed then burn the house down to hide the evidence. Shame is one huge hurdle to deal with and it keeps cropping up every time we remember something we did, or didn't do, because we were drunk.
When these difficult times arise, it truly helps to talk with others who have been in our shoes. They may not be able to help us deal with specific problems but they can assure us that it will work out and things do get better despite our own tendencies to believe otherwise. We are often skeptical and untrusting as we seek answers to our problems, but it's surprising how many of us have experienced the same or very similar situations.
This online group, other recovery people in our communities, attorneys, doctors, counselors and more are available as needed if we choose to pursue solving our problems instead of running from them through alcohol or other addictions. It's not easy getting sober and is tougher to stay sober, but in time we can develop a life that works for us instead of drowning our troubles and ourselves with booze, if we but ask and seek the answers we need.
Congrats on 49 days!!!!!!
When these difficult times arise, it truly helps to talk with others who have been in our shoes. They may not be able to help us deal with specific problems but they can assure us that it will work out and things do get better despite our own tendencies to believe otherwise. We are often skeptical and untrusting as we seek answers to our problems, but it's surprising how many of us have experienced the same or very similar situations.
This online group, other recovery people in our communities, attorneys, doctors, counselors and more are available as needed if we choose to pursue solving our problems instead of running from them through alcohol or other addictions. It's not easy getting sober and is tougher to stay sober, but in time we can develop a life that works for us instead of drowning our troubles and ourselves with booze, if we but ask and seek the answers we need.
Congrats on 49 days!!!!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,711
Thanks so much firestorm. Your words are very helpful to me right now and something I needed to hear right now. I knew life wouldn't be perfect when I stopped drinking. Turns out, problems seem even harder to deal with sometimes because I am not numb with alcohol. I am learning to reach out and ask for help more with every passing day. Perhaps the biggest life lesson right now for me is that I am not defined by my job, my car or even the good things I can do for others. Rather I am defined by who I am inside and how I cope with life.
Sober Alcoholic
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,539
First of all consider getting an evaluation for possible depression.
Next, I have much in common with your story. It brings back memories of that time for me. Let me say that I like a lot of what you have to say. Things like, “it could have been a lot worse” and “I believe I lost my right to drink that night I blacked out and drove”. Most importantly you said, “I want to live a different life”. That last one is the key.
When I was honest with myself I had to admit that I was drinking to “feel better”. My driving while intoxicated put others at risk of physical harm and possibly even death. It was one thing for me to get the “F*uk-its”, drink and harm myself. But I had no right to endanger others. If I took just one drink, I might get to a place where I might drive. THAT was unacceptable. To endanger other people’s lives and safety in order to make myself FEEL good, no fuckinway ….ever.
It was a shift away from ‘feel good’ as the supreme value. I won’t lie to you. It was hard at first. I think I know some of what you are going through. Slowly things got better. That ‘different’ life, turned out to be a much better one, with rewards I could not possibly have imagined.
I am now of the opinion that bad things sometimes happen for good reasons. Take care.
Next, I have much in common with your story. It brings back memories of that time for me. Let me say that I like a lot of what you have to say. Things like, “it could have been a lot worse” and “I believe I lost my right to drink that night I blacked out and drove”. Most importantly you said, “I want to live a different life”. That last one is the key.
When I was honest with myself I had to admit that I was drinking to “feel better”. My driving while intoxicated put others at risk of physical harm and possibly even death. It was one thing for me to get the “F*uk-its”, drink and harm myself. But I had no right to endanger others. If I took just one drink, I might get to a place where I might drive. THAT was unacceptable. To endanger other people’s lives and safety in order to make myself FEEL good, no fuckinway ….ever.
It was a shift away from ‘feel good’ as the supreme value. I won’t lie to you. It was hard at first. I think I know some of what you are going through. Slowly things got better. That ‘different’ life, turned out to be a much better one, with rewards I could not possibly have imagined.
I am now of the opinion that bad things sometimes happen for good reasons. Take care.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I think we all struggle with figuring our who we are and how to deal with problems sober. I know I spent many evenings drinking wine so I didn't have to worry about work, money, or relationships. Of course they were all still there the next day.
I have been finding other ways to deal with things now, and trying hard not to let the little things get to me (some days I do a better job at this than others.)
In 65 days you will be able to get your work permit, and you will also have double the sober time you have now. Try to hang in there.
I have been finding other ways to deal with things now, and trying hard not to let the little things get to me (some days I do a better job at this than others.)
In 65 days you will be able to get your work permit, and you will also have double the sober time you have now. Try to hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: East Coast, The States
Posts: 12,162
Former, Sorry for all you are going through, truly. Alcohol on top of it would be like kerosene on a fire and you know that.
I have been quite low also trying to deal with all the stuff I ran away from by drinking. So I know it is hard, painful, and demoralizing, but mostly for me just truly frightening to think about dealing with it without alcohol.
But here is the thing. If I drink, all these things will be there next month, or year, or whenever I get around to sobriety again (if ever.) They wont go away on their own. But if I DON'T drink, I will only have to walk through this fire once. So I am choosing the latter.
You are choosing too. You are choosing to stand by yourself, and not run away from yourself. This is a brave act and one that will bring you feelings of tremendous self respect. I know you can do it if you choose. All the best to you and let us know how you're doing. EQ.
I have been quite low also trying to deal with all the stuff I ran away from by drinking. So I know it is hard, painful, and demoralizing, but mostly for me just truly frightening to think about dealing with it without alcohol.
But here is the thing. If I drink, all these things will be there next month, or year, or whenever I get around to sobriety again (if ever.) They wont go away on their own. But if I DON'T drink, I will only have to walk through this fire once. So I am choosing the latter.
You are choosing too. You are choosing to stand by yourself, and not run away from yourself. This is a brave act and one that will bring you feelings of tremendous self respect. I know you can do it if you choose. All the best to you and let us know how you're doing. EQ.
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