Potion9

Hello All,
I am new to this site and discovered it after googling help for binge drinking. My problem is that when I drink, though it may be only once a month or so...every few times I do I binge drink and end up horribly hung over and guilty for whatever I have done or said the night before. More than one relationship I've had has suffered or ended because of this and I am incredibly upset by that because I know my alcohol-assisted personality is completely different than my sober one. More than one friend has told me this. Why do I think that my personality is enhanced instead? Maybe it is, by one or two drinks. But I don't stop. I know a big reason for this is because of insecurity. I have to be pretty drunk to be interested in sex or even kissing a person. Why? I have a low-sex drive anyway, probably due to depression which I have had for at least 10 years. But every now and then I'll seek out a one night stand and end up hating myself in the morning. Even when I don't do that, I get excited about something or another and make a "single-serving friend" as it's called in Fight Club. I'll be the life of the party, buy everyone shots and wake up realizing those people aren't my friends and whatever friend or boyfriend was with me is put off by my behavior I want to have a "healthy" relationship but I don't know how to go about it. With enough coffee I am a bearable person, but bored and boring. I haven't had a relationship to last more than a year but I long for one. People say I am attractive and interesting, then I go and commit this self-sabotaging behavior. The thought of never drinking again seems impossible, but I am desperate to stop the cycle of guilt and emptiness my binging creates. I've already had bad enough consequences that should have made me stop: DUI, breakups, loss of friends. When I had a DUI I went to AA at my lawyer's behest, but I didn't like it. I respect what the members have accomplished but it just seems too formal and odd to me, like people just state the times they stayed sober for bragging rights. I would prefer some real disclosures from real people that can actually help other people. It also didn't help that AA is a Christian organization and I am an Atheist. I guess I am just trying to find people who have been in a situation like mine and can share how they've coped with it. Thanks for reading everyone!

sunriseshell

Hi Potion 9,
Wow, I feel you on the social binge drinking. I found this site, looking for support. I quit Dec. 3rd after a crazy night of partying and was getting such bad hangovers I had to stop. Then I had a relapse a few days ago after declining drinks. It was my last night with old friends and said yes to one beer and it went from there. Then on the plane ride home I had a panic attack and that was horrible. So I am recovering in bed today. I have also been thinking about AA but something has been keeping me from wanting to go. Hope we can stay in touch and support each other. Happy New Year! Wishes for a sober 2013 for us both!

Dee74

Welcome!
you'll certainly find real disclosures from real people here

I remember my binge drinking days - they were certianly as destructive as my everyday drinking became later. I think you're making a good choice to quit.

It's hard, but in my opinion it's no harder than trying to keep all the balls in the air as a drinker....

If AA is not for you, it's not the only option available to you.

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around Potion - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

D

BabyJane

Potion -

I relate to a lot of what you said here. The fear of intimacy is a common trait among alcoholics / problem drinkers because I believe many of us have deep-seated self esteem issues. I've heard it said that being a daily drinker is not what makes a person qualify as an "alcoholic" as much as the effect the drinking has on their body and mind. I certainly didn't drink everyday, but, like you, when I did start I couldn't stop. There was a long time that I couldn't get it either with AA... I thought it was archaic, cultish, too many of the Judeo- Christian principles and ideals at work, people seemed fake at time or brainwashed or generally creepy... But then I did meet a few people who were the total opposite of those others and so I choose to investigate a bit further and I'm finding that my initial reactions to the whole thing were a bit overly-simplified and off base. Sure, their are people in there talking about "God" and that's a hard nut to crack! Lol! I was very offended by that. But their are sober atheists in AA believe it or not. They use the group itself as a higher power. Some are also subscribers to eastern philosophies like Hinduism or Budhism. (Forgive me on spelling I'm using my phone).

Anyway, without getting on a soap box too much, AA actually can work for people like you and I. Just a thought. You really can't say it's in effective or not until you do the step work and that's what was neat for me because I am finding out WHY I am the way I am. And it's ok. I dont feel like a broken person or a sick person anymore I feel like an adult woman with normal issues that come and go. I don't have to worry about drinking anymore because I really don't crave alcohol at all. Not even the initial fuzzy feeling. Being sober is not easy but it's much better.

I hope you find what you are looking for no matter what path you take. Educate yourself as much as possible, but don't over think the solution, sometimes you will feel overwhelmed. Take small steps. Keep coming here we will support you no matter what!!!

avocado

I'm the same way, Potion9 - binge drinking and it is totally because I feel it improves my social life on some level, when really I know it doesn't. I also had to attend AA meetings years ago due to DUI and the god stuff annoyed me and I have no interest in going back. There are other options - SMART, AVRT, others that have nothing to do with religion or 'higher powers' at all, but the important thing is to just make that decision to stop and stick to it. Posting here will help because you can read and write about what's on your mind. I'm about a week into quitting after a particularly insane week-long binge of drugs and alcohol that wound me up arrested and hospitalized. I felt really bad about it at first and this site helped me get over that, and now I'm just focused on the positive aspect of abstaining from alcohol.

Boxguy

Hi potion. AA isn't for everyone, but you will certainly find people on here who will share their experiences. I know what you mean about not being able to stop after one or two drinks, I could go out for one or two beers and that would be me until 4am.
My hangovers were horrific as well, that and the fear and shame of stuff you did/might have done but were so blitzed you can't be sure made them worse.
You've did the right thing by coming on here anyway, stay strong!

embracestruggle

I totally feel you. I drink because I am convinced it truly enhances me, but if it really did, then wouldn't I be miles ahead of where I am currently in life? Relationship-wise, etc-wise. We all know it dosen't, and that's why we feel like crap afterwards.

I have only been sober for two nights, but I can't even believe I have gone that long. But the fact is I actually started. Two nights ago I was feeling exactly how you are, like crap and full of guilt and shame. Things aren't going to change overnight, I know I won't become the most interesting, confident person overnight. That's like asking for a six-pac tomorrow. Not gonna happen. But if you put in the effort, you will start seeing some definition!

I guess you can consider this post as part of my sobriety workout .. .working on my six-pac.

Boxguy

I agree exercise helps....I plan to get back to the gym myself and shift some of the many pounds I've put on.