SIPD

Hello everyone....its been a short while since I have been here, I have had many relapses since my last visit....I was just now reading some other posts on here and of course almost every situation describes me, lately I have been hitting the hard stuff way too much, one 5th every 2 days, starting to get to know the people at the liquor store by name, this cannot be good....Ive also been drinking alone lately and also hiding what I buy from everyone.....seems as though just when I think I have everyone fooled thinking I can drink like this, they see right through me, im usually good for an all out argument on FB when im drinking and thats all it takes for all my friends to know what I have been up to, I wanna say that this has to stop, the other night I drank til about 4 in the morning then had to go to work, needless to say, I was the walking dead all day....my body is starting to show signs of the abuse I am currently putting it through....been having kidney pains and lots of stomach issues which I never had when I was sober.....I wanna tell you all that...THATS IT!...NEVER AGAIN...but after work some nights, my car just seems to have a mind of its own....and it off to the liquor store and a I just know the never morning is going to be bad....I honestly wish I could sit here and tell you all that THIS TIME its going to be different, but I would be lying to everyone....im losing friends....losing family over this, yet this demon seems to not care and only wants one thing....a dear friend told me the other night that hes suprised im not dead considering how much hard liquor I drank in an 8 hour period....my boss is noticing my demeanor at work and im sure can smell the night before all over me....I keep saying that I truly am knocking on deaths door if dont get this under control......

hope22

Hi SIPD, welcome back! Are you doing anything else to stay sober for support, besides SR?

stepping

SIPD - I lived in constant fear that I was about to croak over any second for about 4 years (the last part of my drinking career). In the big picture I didn't really give a crap BUT obviously I had a baby bit of hope left since I am here to tell you this. That hope gave me the real kick in the a%% that I needed to wake the f up and start figuring out how the hell I was gonna see a tomorrow in my future. It gave me the push to start running away from that girl and start chasing the life I always wanted, sober. I am glad to say the anxieties of dying have left since I quit drinking and i look forward to each tomorrow. But don't worry about it as I only can control right now.

You can do it too. If I did it. I was a lost soul and thought I would die an active alcoholic at a young age for many years. You posting here shows you have that same hope left in you to turn this all around!

I am rooting for you. :ghug3

SIPD

No right now I am only doing SR for the time being....Ive looked up meetings in my area and I know of 2 that I will be attending weeknights....and there are many meetings on the weekend I can attend I have most of the books because of attending meetings in the past. I brought one to work with me today, the Living Sober book.

changer

hi SIPD, sounds like you are describing me 7 months ago. it's a dark place to be, but you don't have to stay there. what has worked for me is AA, following the program exactly as they told me to. there are other recovery methods, such as AVRT, and smart recovery. whatever you do, jump right into it. if you think you will need to detox be sure to do so with medical supervision. many people do not realize that alcohol withdrawal can be deadly.
i hope you will be able to look back at this post in a month and be amazed at how far you've come we are here for you, night and day.
hil

least

Then step away from the door and quit knocking on it before someone opens it.

Delilah1

Start by deciding you are not going to drink tonight. Stick close to SR, keep reading that book, go to the gym, watch tv, do anything other than drink tonight. Then make a plan for tomorrow, I was definitely planning one day at a time for a while.

Dee74

Hi again SIPD

The only way out of that cycle is action I think - go see your Dr - be honest - get yourself checked out, and see what they suggest.

If rehab is not an option, and AA is something you're considering, hit those meetings and hit them hard.

and...use us. Use us when those cravings hit.

You can do this - but you have to work at least as hard at not drinking as you have been at drinking...y'know?

D

ChristopherThor

Hi SIPD, I just stopped drinking myself and feel better already. I go to meetings in another fellowship and have been for many years but am considering AA. Hope you make it to meetings. They are awesome.