totalchange

Well finally i realize and accepted the fact that i am truly an alcoholic and that i am powerless over it. I was ready to take back control over my life. Now i am about to be 6 months sober and things are coming back together in my life, i am working my steps thoroughly and i must say that i have found my home in sobriety and recovery with AA. I have my bad days but who doesnt, i work through them sometimes one second at a time and i keep pushing forward to my goals in life that for so long i lost my ways to. I am sitting at home with my husband and 14 year old stepdaughter on this Christmas Eve sober and at a very good place within myself. This is thanks not only to AA and the steps but also to all those who are going through this with me. Thank you everyone.

mick3580

Congrats. Keep on going!

Fernaceman

Nice to hear. I thought I had accepted my condition for a long time. I suppose I didn't, because I kept going out to do more experiencing! Truth is, I never worked the steps as outlined in the program...They really do work!

theHomerSimpson

I woke this morning feeling an unusual calm in my mind, I believe its my surrender to the fact I am an alcoholic. I figured I had step 1 covered already but now I am pretty sure.

Patrick

2granddaughters

Don't wander off too far Patrick. In early recovery "pink cloud" is often confused with "I think I got it". As usual, time will tell.

All the best.

Bob R

ambrosialiving

Hi all, this is my first post after joining this forum. I am 3 days alcohol free and went to an aa meeting on the first day. After 20 or so years fooling myself that I could control how much I drank I somehow had a very clear knowledge at 5 in the morning that I was totally and firmly stuck in denial. In the blinding light of the full moon, I knew I didn't want to drink anymore. What a flood of feeling, challenges, humility at admitting how arrogant I had been.
So to step 1, absolutely yes I am powerless against alcohol and I am so relieved that I have GOT it. And yes my life was messy, unmanageable. My outer life generally looked OK, but my inner life was full of argument, shame, guilt, self disgust. I always thought if I tried that bit harder I would figure it out and moderate my drinking. I could be in control.. for a day or two, sometimes even 2 months, but then the lure of that bottle would reel me in.
My high jump is admitting, even in my mind, that I am an alcoholic. I cant imagine saying it tomorrow night when I go to my next meeting. It kind of just sticks in my throat and makes me feel weird.
Anybody know what I am talking about?

sugarbear1

Why not ask this at the meeting you attend?

Kathleen41

Yes, I know what your taking about. It's like taking your yucky tasting medicine!! Although you don't have to say it if you are not ready, I found that when I said it out loud, in a meeting, it became real. No longer just and idea or thought, a real condition, that I needed help with.

You are on your way, and your feelings are normal!! Welcome to SR!!

ambrosialiving

Thanks Kathleen (my gorgeous Nanna's name was Kathleen) I did go to a meeting last night and said in a quivering voice and then lots of tears "My name is Ruth and I am an alcoholic". I feel so happy and peaceful and I am crying so hard, even now.
It is wonderful to wake up in the morning and not feel disgusted with myself, to not have to lie to others and myself, to pretend, to alienate myself, to live a marginalised life way below who I really can be. This morning I woke up and felt excited, you know all kind of bubbly like when you are newly in love. Maybe that's it, maybe I am starting to fall in love with me. This is a very wild ride!!
Thanks for your support it means heaps.

Ineedthis

I understand exactly where you are coming from I originally put myself in treatment to prove to everyone I wasn't an alcoholic. What a joke the first time I said hi I'm an alcoholic and I meant it I mean I really felt it in my heart and soul it was such a relief

UncleMeat69

It sounds like you are starting to experience the price of
practicing our disease, as opposed to recovering from it.
That's why we are told when we join AA that there are no
dues or fees - because we have already PAID.

P = Pitiful

A = And

I = Incomprehensible

D = Demoralization