Jur123

I sometimes think that my codependency is beyond help. I'll be spending Christmas on my own and I think I should be at least a little bit sad about that, however all I can think is my sister. She will be spending Xmas with her fiance, our youngest sister and a few other relatives from her fiance's side. She invited me over, however she lives over an hour away and there will be no bus services over Xmas time, which means that I would be stuck there for a couple of days (I don't drive). I have depression and other health issues and just thinking of having to endure my arrogant sister and the noisy enviroment for a few days makes me sick and I'd rather spend Xmas on my own (I think that's why I don't feel sorry for myself as I have a choice this time - which I didn't have when growing up). My sister has an anxiety disorder and all I can think is that somehow I will be making it much worse by not being there. We are not on good terms and I think she is relieved that I'm not coming, but all I can think is that her fiance's relatives will start asking about me (they know my situation) and she will start to feel guilty and her anxiety disorder will get worse (It's very bad already), which will lead to more drinking & tranqualizers (she was doing pretty good in the last couple of months). I don't know why I'm feeling like this especially after she was sooo unsupportive & arrogant during my illness. I have transport to get me to my sister's house and would only need a lift back, but she didn't offer me that. My mind says that I should be concentrating on myself as I have depression & other seriuos health issues, however all I can think is her. Sorry for ranting.

Kialua

Yeah this is not healthy for yourself. How can you tell yourself? You have to try. What others do and feel is NOT your responsibility and to think so is to make yourself a god in charge of their feelings. That's a lot of power you are accepting that isn't yours. Think about it.

I hope you can stay home and rest and have a good time. I totally understand your wanting to not go. Maybe you could tell her and the rest that you caught a flu bug and don't want them to get sick. Not that I endorse lying but once a year, what the heck.

EveningRose

It's good that you recognize how you're taking responsibility. I think that's half the battle. Remind yourself a thousand times, or until it takes, that she has made her choices that make it nearly impossible for you to be there. Wish her well to the best of your ability and enjoy your stress-free days.

I hope you had a good Christmas.