I Can't Make My Drunk Boyfriend Leave
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
I Can't Make My Drunk Boyfriend Leave
I own my own home and lived there alone until about three weeks. At that time my boyfriend, which is an alcoholic, was given notice that the apt. complex he lived in was going to be condemned and he needed to move out asap. I kept asking him where he was going to move to, since he had not been looking for an apt. and he knew they were going to tear his apt. complex down. He would never give me an answer.
Well he started moving out of his apt. and guess what? He started putting all of his things in my garage without my permission! I told him repeatedly that he could NOT move in with me. He just ignored me and stole one of my extra house keys and would not give it back. He started putting his clothes and toiletries inside my house. I asked him to give me back my house key but he said no since he had too many things inside my house now.
He lies around on the couch drunk and text messages all his friends. I finally told him he had to get his things and please move out. He freaked out and started breaking things in my home...vases, plates, etc. I was begging him to stop and he said I was stressing him out.
I still can't get him to move out and I'm so afraid of what he will do if I mention it again. I managed to get my key back off his keyring when he wasn't looking. He wanted to know what happened to it and I told him he lost it. He said if I didn't give him another key, he would kick the door in.
If I call the police, he can do a lot of damage before they get here and I don't want my neighbors to see police cars in front of my house since I live in a very upscale neighborhood. I don't know how to get him out. I'm really afraid.
He put two motorcycles in my garage and he said if I touched them, he would destroy my car. He goes out at night and gets drunk with his drinking buddies while I stay at home. What a mess and I'm so afraid!
Well he started moving out of his apt. and guess what? He started putting all of his things in my garage without my permission! I told him repeatedly that he could NOT move in with me. He just ignored me and stole one of my extra house keys and would not give it back. He started putting his clothes and toiletries inside my house. I asked him to give me back my house key but he said no since he had too many things inside my house now.
He lies around on the couch drunk and text messages all his friends. I finally told him he had to get his things and please move out. He freaked out and started breaking things in my home...vases, plates, etc. I was begging him to stop and he said I was stressing him out.
I still can't get him to move out and I'm so afraid of what he will do if I mention it again. I managed to get my key back off his keyring when he wasn't looking. He wanted to know what happened to it and I told him he lost it. He said if I didn't give him another key, he would kick the door in.
If I call the police, he can do a lot of damage before they get here and I don't want my neighbors to see police cars in front of my house since I live in a very upscale neighborhood. I don't know how to get him out. I'm really afraid.
He put two motorcycles in my garage and he said if I touched them, he would destroy my car. He goes out at night and gets drunk with his drinking buddies while I stay at home. What a mess and I'm so afraid!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 183
Call the police. Who cares what your neighbors think. He is essentially squatting in your house and threatening you. A 20 minute visit from the police will be better than the abuse he is heaping on you now and for the forseeable future. Just call them and get him out, he is not a tenant!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Winchester, VA
Posts: 129
Leave the house to call the police. See if they are willing to escort him off of the property and talk to the magistrate about getting a RO/TO. Set up a time that he can come and get his things with an officer present.
Threats and damage to your property are reason enough to get him out of there and if you wait it could escalate. Please be safe.
Threats and damage to your property are reason enough to get him out of there and if you wait it could escalate. Please be safe.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Leave the house and call the police. You are not safe there and it sounds like he breaks things no matter what you do. It is none of your neighbors business why the police are there, and if they are you friends, they would rather you were safe than living with someone unpredictable and dangerous.
Consider changing the locks as soon as possible as well. I wish you strength and luck -- how frightening for you!
Consider changing the locks as soon as possible as well. I wish you strength and luck -- how frightening for you!
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
There is no stigma to resorting to call the police. You need to be safe. You have a right to peace in your own home, and the longer you wait the harder it will be to have him removed. (Right now he is a squatter and can be removed on that alone, if you wait too long he may be considered a resident and that causes more legal hoops to jump through.)
My boyfriend had to call the police due to harassment by his next door neighbor. (It is a long story, so I won't go into details, but the neighbor finally stepped over a legal line and so my boyfriend called.)
He lives in a well-to-do dead-end street where all the neighbors know each other. Did the neighbors ignore the police? No, most of them congratulated my boyfriend for finally holding the neighbor responsible for his bad decisions, and the neighbors who initially sided with my boyfriend's next-door neighbor have started talking to him again and putting out feelers to see if my boyfriend will forgive them for initially siding with the other guy. Other neighbors have helped him set up a security system so the incident hopefully doesn't repeat itself or escalate (police suggested this).
So will the neighbors notice? Probably. And they'll probably see you in a different light, too. But the light isn't negative, they'll see you are a strong young woman who does what she needs to stand up for herself and feel safe.
My boyfriend had to call the police due to harassment by his next door neighbor. (It is a long story, so I won't go into details, but the neighbor finally stepped over a legal line and so my boyfriend called.)
He lives in a well-to-do dead-end street where all the neighbors know each other. Did the neighbors ignore the police? No, most of them congratulated my boyfriend for finally holding the neighbor responsible for his bad decisions, and the neighbors who initially sided with my boyfriend's next-door neighbor have started talking to him again and putting out feelers to see if my boyfriend will forgive them for initially siding with the other guy. Other neighbors have helped him set up a security system so the incident hopefully doesn't repeat itself or escalate (police suggested this).
So will the neighbors notice? Probably. And they'll probably see you in a different light, too. But the light isn't negative, they'll see you are a strong young woman who does what she needs to stand up for herself and feel safe.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
I also think you need to call the police. He has tried to move himself in and has stolen...that's right....stolen one of your keys.
When my stepson was running and gunning and was kicked out of yet another apartment by yet another set of roommates, he began putting things in his father's garage and tried to hide them by covering them up with a tarp. We then started carrying them to the curb. What was left after folks wandered by and helped themselves was picked up on 'heavy trash' day. You might try something similar.
When my stepson was running and gunning and was kicked out of yet another apartment by yet another set of roommates, he began putting things in his father's garage and tried to hide them by covering them up with a tarp. We then started carrying them to the curb. What was left after folks wandered by and helped themselves was picked up on 'heavy trash' day. You might try something similar.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Posts: 170
Thank you all. You all said the same thing and now I am going to take action to get him out. Yes, you really are right by saying he is a squatter. I won't be able to rest until he is out of my house. The police really is the only way to get him out.
box of chocolates
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Texas
Posts: 1,013
Wow. Sounds like hes an alcoholic who thinks everyone should just accept him and his behavior and that he can do what he wants. Calling the police wont just get him out of your house itll show him its not ok for him to do what he wants or break YOUR property. It blows my minds that addicts or just people do that type of stuff but he needs that ....perhapse this will be the boundary you set for yourself perhapse this is what he needs to get off his high horse that he thinks hes on because it just sounds like he expects everything to go his way. News flash....it doesnt.
Good luck
Good luck
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Call the cops!!!! have him removed! Then call a locksmith immediately and have all the locks changed. Don't assume he only had one key people like this usually make sure they have a back up. Do not stay in that house without having those locks changed. Make it a hotel night if you have to.
Let him damage away till the police get there - things can be replaced people can't. You don't deserve this crap no one does.
Let him damage away till the police get there - things can be replaced people can't. You don't deserve this crap no one does.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 138
If I call the police, he can do a lot of damage before they get here and
You can either call the police from the bathroom or call the police while you're at work and arrange for you and they to be at your home at a certain time to confront your ABF.
Change the locks, too.
Gather up his stuff and put it all in garage so the stuff can easily be moved out.
Find out if you can get a restraining order so that is in effect at the same time as when he's told to get out.
Well he started moving out of his apt. and guess what? He started putting all of his things in my garage without my permission! I told him repeatedly that he could NOT move in with me. He just ignored me and stole one of my extra house keys and would not give it back. He started putting his clothes and toiletries inside my house. I asked him to give me back my house key but he said no since he had too many things inside my house now.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Well no need to mention the 911 idea
VERY IMPORTANT that you mention very clearly that he was not invited, is not welcome and leave everything he breaks right where it is and make an inventory of stuff he broke. B
Courts consider breaking your possessions nearly equivalent to hitting you and in some states that counts as domestic violence. If you have a recorder turn it on, of not and you have an iPhone there's an app for that :-)
Now here's a very big catch: they will remove him if you tell them he refuses to leave and breaks things when you tell him to BUT what they will not do is do it every week. If you allow him back in and call again they will get bored and ignore it until he starts breaking you.
While cops are there ask about protective order. Not restraining, protective. Restraining orders in most states are a civil matter if broken, protective orders can be enforced by any peace officer on the spot.
And follow through with the locks - right away. Ask te police to notify you right away when he is released - they don't always but it can't hurt to ask.
I despise bullies, he laughs at you? When they perp walk his ass out of there it will be REALLLY hard not to say something like "breaking my stuff and threatening me is a joke huh? How do ya like the punch line bitch?"
But that's me, you're probably classier than I
VERY IMPORTANT that you mention very clearly that he was not invited, is not welcome and leave everything he breaks right where it is and make an inventory of stuff he broke. B
Courts consider breaking your possessions nearly equivalent to hitting you and in some states that counts as domestic violence. If you have a recorder turn it on, of not and you have an iPhone there's an app for that :-)
Now here's a very big catch: they will remove him if you tell them he refuses to leave and breaks things when you tell him to BUT what they will not do is do it every week. If you allow him back in and call again they will get bored and ignore it until he starts breaking you.
While cops are there ask about protective order. Not restraining, protective. Restraining orders in most states are a civil matter if broken, protective orders can be enforced by any peace officer on the spot.
And follow through with the locks - right away. Ask te police to notify you right away when he is released - they don't always but it can't hurt to ask.
I despise bullies, he laughs at you? When they perp walk his ass out of there it will be REALLLY hard not to say something like "breaking my stuff and threatening me is a joke huh? How do ya like the punch line bitch?"
But that's me, you're probably classier than I
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 138
Make sure that the locks are changed as soon as he is removed.
Do not allow him back in once he's removed...not even to get his things unless he's accompanied by a police officer to ensure that he doesn't misbehave. Move his "inside" stuff to the garage or outside of the garage so it's easily removed.
He's likely going to lie and claim that you gave your permission for him to move in. Stand your ground, besides that really doesn't matter. Even if you gave permission, it's your home and you can demand that he leave. He doesn't have a lease to live there.
He sounds like he has narcissistic PD traits. He thinks he's entitled to live in your home. Getting rid of people with NPD can be difficult since they get angry when they are dumped. Do you have any strong males (friends/family) who can come and stay with you as soon as he's out?
Do not allow him back in once he's removed...not even to get his things unless he's accompanied by a police officer to ensure that he doesn't misbehave. Move his "inside" stuff to the garage or outside of the garage so it's easily removed.
He's likely going to lie and claim that you gave your permission for him to move in. Stand your ground, besides that really doesn't matter. Even if you gave permission, it's your home and you can demand that he leave. He doesn't have a lease to live there.
He sounds like he has narcissistic PD traits. He thinks he's entitled to live in your home. Getting rid of people with NPD can be difficult since they get angry when they are dumped. Do you have any strong males (friends/family) who can come and stay with you as soon as he's out?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Idea... So I know this forum populated by a bunch of frustrated fixers who face a lot of really tough catch 22 situations in their own life.
Most of them have a bit of well concealed ...or not so well concealed pent up anger and frustration. If they had the opportunity to help with an eviction like yours it might be therapeutic... Just sayin...
Lol, sorry - read that last post suggesting you get some big male friends over and thought "damn, sure would be nice to take this frustration out on laughing plate breaker boy"
Will go work on that whole serenity thing now.
Most of them have a bit of well concealed ...or not so well concealed pent up anger and frustration. If they had the opportunity to help with an eviction like yours it might be therapeutic... Just sayin...
Lol, sorry - read that last post suggesting you get some big male friends over and thought "damn, sure would be nice to take this frustration out on laughing plate breaker boy"
Will go work on that whole serenity thing now.
Today is a New Day
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 1,766
I would just like to add that in some places him living there for 30 days would give him legal rights as a resident (especially if he forwarded his mail), in which case you'd have to pursue either a 30-day notice of eviction or else the whole violence / abuse side of things.
While you could still get him out in either of those routes, the whole squatter / trespassing path is easier. He's been there three weeks, don't let him stay a 4th or you run the risk of this taking longer.
While you could still get him out in either of those routes, the whole squatter / trespassing path is easier. He's been there three weeks, don't let him stay a 4th or you run the risk of this taking longer.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 138
Lol, sorry - read that last post suggesting you get some big male friends over and thought "damn, sure would be nice to take this frustration out on laughing plate breaker boy"
I think you misunderstood my point.
If she wasn't staying at her place alone, and the guy knew that, he'd be less likely try to get back in somehow. Women living alone are more likely going to be bothered by a "kicked out male boyfriend/hubby" than a woman living with some other adult males.
I had no intention of suggesting that the men do anything to this guy...just be a "presence".
this is not a case of a shared home...this is her home ONLY. She shouldn't have to tolerate an intruder...whether he's an A or not.
I think you misunderstood my point.
If she wasn't staying at her place alone, and the guy knew that, he'd be less likely try to get back in somehow. Women living alone are more likely going to be bothered by a "kicked out male boyfriend/hubby" than a woman living with some other adult males.
I had no intention of suggesting that the men do anything to this guy...just be a "presence".
this is not a case of a shared home...this is her home ONLY. She shouldn't have to tolerate an intruder...whether he's an A or not.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
Posts: 729
Originally Posted by BrokenHeartWife 
Lol, sorry - read that last post suggesting you get some big male friends over and thought "damn, sure would be nice to take this frustration out on laughing plate breaker boy"
I think you misunderstood my point.
If she wasn't staying at her place alone, and the guy knew that, he'd be less likely try to get back in somehow. Women living alone are more likely going to be bothered by a "kicked out male boyfriend/hubby" than a woman living with some other adult males.
I had no intention of suggesting that the men do anything to this guy...just be a "presence".
this is not a case of a shared home...this is her home ONLY. She shouldn't have to tolerate an intruder...whether he's an A or not.
I think you misunderstood my point.
If she wasn't staying at her place alone, and the guy knew that, he'd be less likely try to get back in somehow. Women living alone are more likely going to be bothered by a "kicked out male boyfriend/hubby" than a woman living with some other adult males.
I had no intention of suggesting that the men do anything to this guy...just be a "presence".
this is not a case of a shared home...this is her home ONLY. She shouldn't have to tolerate an intruder...whether he's an A or not.
....I'm the one who self-indulgently thought about how nice it would be to take out all the fear, frustration and stress of the past year by dragging this bully out by his hair and explaining why it's a no-no to bully the OP.
Being calm and reasonable all the time is exhausting.
Sorry my friend, I'd never suspect you of such a thought, your intent was clear and a great idea.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
