newhope01

Today I was trying to explain to my boyfriend how I'm concerned about spending Christmas with my family at my aunt's house due to her hostility towards me and how it causes discomfort to myself and those around me. And he was completely ignoring me. When I called him on it he said he was tired of listening to my grandiose stories when I have to tell every single unnecessary detail. Feeling bad I explained that its more than just stories I tell but rather my thoughts and opinions that he ignores as well.

I started feeling really bad and realized I need to pay someone to listen to me. Then after that realization I felt even worse and really wanted to go buy a bottle and smoke a pack of cigarettes. I'm glad I came here instead and took the time to write it out as its chased away the urge to self-harm. Thanks for listening to my stupid rant.

HitRockBottom70

Newhope,
Way to go on posting instead of going to the store. I found posting on SR got me through my most trying times. The holidays are a rough time for quite a few of us. Know you are not alone.

D104

Hi newhope, I know what that feels like so I understand what you are going through I think. Sometimes I think that the people closest to me have absolutely no idea or clue as to who I really am. Then I sometimes wonder whether it is my fault, maybe I have caused them to think like this because of my drinking and issues etc.
Whatever the reason it doesn't help when someone you love degrades your emotions.
Epic work on avoiding the bottle and smokes. I haven't quite gotten there yet.

Delilah1

Glad you came here instead, there are always people on SR to listen and offer support and advice.

Wastinglife

I hear ya. I am choosing to spend Christmas alone this year. Mainly because I don't want to be around alcohol, but also because my family is dysfunctional. My parents are borderline alcoholics and I don't get along with my brother so it would be a toxic environment for me. I actually detest Christmas and I am looking forward to sitting around doing nothing by myself.

newhope01

Yeah I have no idea how I am going to get through this holiday season without drinking and even more so without being miserable or regretful. My family is super dysfunctional too and this Christmas will just be another freak show/stage to assail me with insults. I think I should elect out of it too.

buickbeast

I've spent 4 Christmases by myself, it's really not that bad. I get depressed if I sit around though on that day, so I always worked out or cleaned.

dedubya

Hey newhope
If it helps, I didnt even realize how close Christmas is. Ive been so messed up. Ill be moving out this week, I do miss Christmas this year but its always pressure. I think its supposed to be the opposite.
Dub

newhope01

Do you ever celebrate Christmas at all? With friends or just do something special for yourself or others? This year Im thinking of volunteering instead of surrounding myself with people who want to make me feel bad.

ultrabunny

Christmas is a horrible time for me and I have been on my own for 4 or 5 years now.

Something nasty happened to me on Christmas day when I was a teenager and it has always kinda been there ever since.

I want this Christmas to be a sober one so even if I don't enjoy it I wont be drunk and wallowing in self pity!

dedubya

YES! I did that, served boys and girls club Christmas lunch! Or, I have bought a nice steak or sea bass (fav of mine) and made a mini meal. Cool.

renaldo

Hi newhope,

I'm sorry your boyfriend is not listening to you. Men can be out of touch with their feelings. It's a stereotype, but it's true.

Xmas looms like... I don't know what. I hate the season. Between Thanksgiving, Xmas and New Year, I feel like a month of my life has been stolen. I work in a mall and can't tell you how many times I've had to hear, "I saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus." Enough already!

Riel

Christmas is tough. You feel compelled to spend time with family, and alcohol is everywhere.

I've got a lot of pressure from family to travel to visit them this year. I would rather go for dental surgery. But I don't have the courage just to say no.

So, at the last minute I'll come up with some excuse - struck by a meteor or something - and spend Christmas alone, which sounds sad, but is actually quite pleasant: it's a peaceful, relaxing time of the year when you keep it simple.

MIRecovery

Abducted by aliens always works for me.

frances2011

Glad you came and posted. I relate to your post about self-harm. This is my second sober Christmas season.

I realized that spending time with toxic family members was another form of self-harm. It is so freeing to me to realize that I DON'T HAVE TO GO PLACES WHERE I FEEL MISERABLE.

My experience is that people who haven't experienced trauma like I have "don't get it." That's OK. I don't have to explain myself to them. My SR family knows and understands.

I will travel on Christmas to my husband's sane, loving family.

Wishing you peace, Recovery and growth! Glad you are here.

renaldo

Xmas is a happy event for some. For me it gets worse and worse every year. I'm happy alone and my relatives are not in driving distance. The buildup to the "big event" bugs me no end, because the "big event" is something I have no fondness for. Haven't done family get togethers for years. I get along with my family just fine, but we live in different parts of the country, so it's only every five years or so that we are in the same location for a reunion.

newhope01

I need to realize that I don't need to go anywhere and/or surround myself with people that make me feel terrible too. I usually do spend time with my boyfriend's family because they actually like me and are nice to me but then I catch hell for not at least making an appearance at my aunt's house for these types of family functions; Although, I wouldn't call it "family."