Loughborough

Hi, I will try to be brief, last Thursday my husband (A) had a stroke. Thankfully I was here, called 911, they got him to the hospital, did a CT scan, found the blockage, administered the "clot busting" drug and by the next day, he was talking again--he had lost his ability to talk when it happened, but otherwise he was able to walk, move, had his mental faculties, etc. They did a bunch of tests to try to find out where this may have come from (if anywhere) as he also had one (much milder) a few years ago. Couldn't find anything and sent him home yesterday.

I knew he might be coming home yesterday and told him to call me if they were sending him home and I would come pick him up. I also said I would be in later in the afternoon, after work, whether he was coming home or not. I didn't hear from him, so just assumed he was not coming home (and was actually thinking oh good another night of calm). I got there around 3:30 (it's an hour drive from our home--I am self employed and work at home). Anyway, he was all dressed, waiting for me, saying he was being discharged but had to wait for the paperwork. THUD!

When I got to his hospital room and saw him standing in the doorway, dressed, I knew I should be HAPPY, but I felt very HEAVY instead. Like oh no, he is coming home, here we go with the grumbling, complaining, not to mention probably drinking again.

The last few days had been so "unencumbered," I would describe them as "light." Our 2 grown boys are still home, working and attending college, and so they were in and out, but life just seemed so gentle and so fun, WITHOUT my husband here. I feel guilty for thinking like that after the scare he had, and it's not because I don't care, I do care, but I loved the feelings I felt when he wasn't physically here---am thinking this may be a sign of what I really do need to do or what would really make me happier. (No need to answer that, just a question that arose in my mind yesterday on the way home from the hospital.)

BlueSkies1

You need more peace calm and serenity in your life. I so get that! You don't have to feel guilty for having enjoyed that for a few days. What step is next in your life? I know you have decisions to make, hard decisions. Even after he is back, continue on trying to recreate that serenity. If you can't find it with him there, then....

thislonelygirl

I think our logic as crazy as it seems is they are fine...I know where they are and they arent drinking and stressing me out .
Thats ok to feel that way. I feel the same when ah is at work.i know hes not drinking hes safe and I have peace. I also felt that way when he was in jail realizing it wasnt hard time etc but then as he came home....stresssss
Completely understandable. I am glad he is fine ....did anyone talk to him about the drinking?

Thepatman

I can't beleive people would keep drinking even after having a Stroke.

thislonelygirl

Yup stroke.
Jail
Loss of job
Health in general
Its crazy patman

Loughborough

Thanks for your replies, letting me know it is okay to feel this way. So far, well it's really only been one full day, but he hasn't had a cigarette or a drink, as far as I know anyway. I haven't smelled either on him and he has been sitting in the house all day (yesterday), not outside in the garage like he usually does. Actually, it's been 5 days total w/o a drink or cigarette if you count the hospital days.

No, no one did talk to him about the drinking. The last time he had a stroke in 2010, the doctor lectured him about it (the drinking). I was so glad he got that lecture, but then when he came home, that's really when everything got worse. This time, who knows?

I have been very distanced still, since he got home, my guard is always up, and I think no matter what happens, it will be up for a long time. Time will tell, I guess.

Thanks again!

redatlanta

Totally understand the feeling. It gets tiresome being nurse, cook, maid, and therapist plus head complaint taker.

Hopeworks

Loughborough,

I think this belongs in the "more will be revealed" file of your experience. As we walk through the "days of our lives" with our A's and they refuse to change we actually start to change how we feel and react to their impact on our own lives.

I can sense you are a little shocked that you have had these feelings of relief at the peace of your home instead of being emotionally devastated with his stroke and potential health issues.

This could be an opportunity or wake up call for you both to consider lifestyle and health changes that would be mutually beneficial. Obviously he needs to consider actually following medical advice and take better care of himself and if he refuses to do so then you certainly could consider whether you want to keep your wagon hitched to his star.

I found my way out of a life of family addiction came when I simply laid out boundaries and mine were no alcohol... especially in my home. None.

I would check in with my HP about this. I always used to think that I was the all powerful one and that my decreeing no alcohol in the house would result in happy recovery and we would live happily ever after.

It resulted in happily ever after but he went on a bender and I kicked him out for good. Not my goal but it is what it is and it worked out for the best.

Maybe when the time is right you could share how you felt and how you feel about the future? I have no idea what your relationship is like or if this makes any sense for you and your family.

All I know there is nothing so glorious, nothing so wonderful as day in and day out I have a peaceful home where serenity rules. Never again will I live with insanity or addiction in my place of refuge and rest. I think everyone deserves the same and I wish that for you.

Loughborough

RedAtlanta, thank you, love the term "head complaint taker," yep, that's me.

Hopeworks, thank you for your insight! I appreciate it all. Most of what you said I can use and relate to my situation.