bonesofhope

I posted here about a month ago. I managed two weeks without a drink, then I went on holiday and told myself I could enjoy a couple of beers and then stop when I got back. Gave myself a 3 beer limit. Stuck to it. Fine.

Then in the two weeks I have been drinking every couple of days, telling myself it is ok.. since have had two major binges, the last one being two days ago. I am still recovering from the hangover and I feel horrendous. Went on a ex-work night out, got absolutely wasted. I don't even know how- my bank account is empty. I can remember little bits, just awful, embarrassing behaviour. I have felt incredibly suicidal the past two days.

My boyfriend is now leaving me, moving out after christmas. which I can't blame him. I wouldn't put up with me either. I feel so mortified I just want to hide from everyone I know. I'm failing my course at university. I can feel my body shutting down.. my head is foggy, my chest is tight and sore, I've stopped eating, my eyes are puffy. I just look and feel disgusting and hopeless.

I am only 24. I feel 100. I feel so low I don't really see the point. I know how much better I have felt when I have stopped before. But it just feels so far away, like i'm waiting to fail again when I really don't want to. There is so much more I want to do with my life. But I have been stuck in this stop.drink.stop.drink cycle for at least 5 years now.

Natom

Hey bones,

You need to hit a point where you really become willing to recover. Being clean and sober at a young age is wonderful if you stick at it and put the effort in. I hope everything goes well for you. I go to NA/AA but there are lots of other recovery methods such as SMART and AVRT that are described in detail elsewhere on the forum.

Natom.

neferkamichael

Bonesofhope never give up. I just hope it doesn't take you a lifetime to quit like it did me. You can do it. Rootin for ya.

cfm

What did you think was going to happen when you first started posting here???

Anna

I could feel my body shutting down, too and it scared me so much. I lost weight from not eating, and blackouts were absolutely terrifying. There is no reason for you to fail again. You can succeed at stopping drinking and living the life you want. We are here to offer support.

bonesofhope

I almost went to AA yesterday. Couldn't seem to summon the courage to actually go.in.

Will have a look at meetings tomorrow. I have tried reading books and doing it alone but I think I need to talk to people about it. Only my boyfriend, well now ex, knows- Can't hide coming in at 6am, completely pissed from someone you live with. think I might be more successful with someone to talk to.

Natom

Do you live in the UK bones? My advice will be to get to one meeting if you can. I have a blog post about attending your first meeting. It's worth trying. I tried NA and feel more comfortable and more real than I have ever felt. But then if you don't feel it is for you there are many alternatives.

Natom

bonesofhope

I thought I was going to give up. I thought I meant it, I thought I had reached the point where I was convinced I was never going to touch another drop. stupid

bonesofhope

Yes I do. There is a meeting not too far from me, but also not in my area which makes me feel more comfortable, tomorrow at 8pm. I will try to go. I don't think I will make it unless I start to talk to somebody about it. I have tried to talk to friends but nobody seems to understand what I mean, that I'm too young, it's just what you do. But their lives don't seem to be falling apart like mine is because of it.

Natom

I had that issue. I made the point of saying I was bankrupt and going to rehab and stuff was not ok. You will find out who your true friends are.

Dee74

Many of us falter a time or two Bones - we need to change our lives and that's hard, even scary, to do.

It is possible tho - very possible

Think about what else you can do to make this stick - and lean on the support you'll find here

D