Another one wtf?
Another one wtf?
I haven't mentioned that I work in an industry with a high rate of addiction.
The manager of my business, a beautiful, sweet, fun girl I consider a friend gave birth to a baby in June born with an addiciton to hydrocodone.
We were all shocked. Nobody knew - we all knew she had a back issue that she took painkillers for but assumed she stopped. Certainly never thought for a moment that a DOCTOR would continue to prescribe them throughout her pregnancy. Never thought for a moment that an educated person would do this. (just goes to show how little I know). 5 weeks in NICU.
Her husband was beyond himself but stood by her. Their marriage has been a rocky road most especially for the last two months. She has been living with his parents while they tried to figure it out. Everytime she would go back and then leave again she would leave without her child and I just couldn't figure that out. No offense to the men here - but a mom doesn't leave without her baby.
So she admits to having some bonding issues, I guess a lot of guilt over what she did. This spirals out of control to the point that she really was losing her mind. One day about a month ago she asked me to gt something out of her car with her and while down there she was sipping out of a water bottle and handed it to me and asked if I wanted a swig - it was vodka. That's when I knew.
I am happy by that time that I was already on SR and going to al anon and learning because every bone in my body wanted to stop her, help her, talk to her - instead I simply said you have a problem let me know if you need help or want to talk about getting better. She said after she finished that particular bottle she wasn't going to drink anymore she knew - quack quack quack.
About a week after that she really did go crazy. He husband called work to discuss her behavior there and some insurance options. She willing went into rehab for 10 days. Then did an outpatient program for another 10 days. I saw her day before yesterday and she looked great, we had lunch with the baby seemed her old self. Her first day back to work is today.
Last night she texted me "I can't do this anymore I quit. Call husband if you want answers, I am heading South". She was heading to a guy's house that she met in rehab that she says fell in love with and understands her. She left the baby with the husband with a heartfelt "tell the baby I love her" before she went on her way. Quit a job she loves and has worked at for 7 years.
She wouldn't take a call from me or return a text - AH said it was worth it to try and throw a a lifeline out in this circumstance and was willing to meet her or talk to her to try and get her back into rehab before she F'd her life up completely - but after the second time I called and she put it into voice mail he said no point its done let it go.
As calls came in last night I got it from those at work that party that she had been "trolling" as they call it for pills for months. Even the day she got out of rehab had called a source for some.
having AH here last night was like having a real live person from SR telling me what I needed to hear. Because I wanted to give it another day fro her to come to her senses before notifying work - just one more day to possibly get in touch with her or find her. Talk to her, try and help her. Plead with her about her child. Show her somehow that she was making choices that would affect her life forever. He said NO. Its an act of futility, you are wasting your time. she is too deep in her addiction. Do not cover for her - make her accountable for her actions - it won't matter to her now but it might someday. Its best for the child that she is gone she is a danger to that baby in this frame of mind, this is in God's hands and he is looking out for the welfare of that child. Yes, yes, yes.
Anyway - I had a restless night of sleep and am sad. But life goes on. Thanks for letting me vent.
The manager of my business, a beautiful, sweet, fun girl I consider a friend gave birth to a baby in June born with an addiciton to hydrocodone.
We were all shocked. Nobody knew - we all knew she had a back issue that she took painkillers for but assumed she stopped. Certainly never thought for a moment that a DOCTOR would continue to prescribe them throughout her pregnancy. Never thought for a moment that an educated person would do this. (just goes to show how little I know). 5 weeks in NICU.
Her husband was beyond himself but stood by her. Their marriage has been a rocky road most especially for the last two months. She has been living with his parents while they tried to figure it out. Everytime she would go back and then leave again she would leave without her child and I just couldn't figure that out. No offense to the men here - but a mom doesn't leave without her baby.
So she admits to having some bonding issues, I guess a lot of guilt over what she did. This spirals out of control to the point that she really was losing her mind. One day about a month ago she asked me to gt something out of her car with her and while down there she was sipping out of a water bottle and handed it to me and asked if I wanted a swig - it was vodka. That's when I knew.
I am happy by that time that I was already on SR and going to al anon and learning because every bone in my body wanted to stop her, help her, talk to her - instead I simply said you have a problem let me know if you need help or want to talk about getting better. She said after she finished that particular bottle she wasn't going to drink anymore she knew - quack quack quack.
About a week after that she really did go crazy. He husband called work to discuss her behavior there and some insurance options. She willing went into rehab for 10 days. Then did an outpatient program for another 10 days. I saw her day before yesterday and she looked great, we had lunch with the baby seemed her old self. Her first day back to work is today.
Last night she texted me "I can't do this anymore I quit. Call husband if you want answers, I am heading South". She was heading to a guy's house that she met in rehab that she says fell in love with and understands her. She left the baby with the husband with a heartfelt "tell the baby I love her" before she went on her way. Quit a job she loves and has worked at for 7 years.
She wouldn't take a call from me or return a text - AH said it was worth it to try and throw a a lifeline out in this circumstance and was willing to meet her or talk to her to try and get her back into rehab before she F'd her life up completely - but after the second time I called and she put it into voice mail he said no point its done let it go.
As calls came in last night I got it from those at work that party that she had been "trolling" as they call it for pills for months. Even the day she got out of rehab had called a source for some.
having AH here last night was like having a real live person from SR telling me what I needed to hear. Because I wanted to give it another day fro her to come to her senses before notifying work - just one more day to possibly get in touch with her or find her. Talk to her, try and help her. Plead with her about her child. Show her somehow that she was making choices that would affect her life forever. He said NO. Its an act of futility, you are wasting your time. she is too deep in her addiction. Do not cover for her - make her accountable for her actions - it won't matter to her now but it might someday. Its best for the child that she is gone she is a danger to that baby in this frame of mind, this is in God's hands and he is looking out for the welfare of that child. Yes, yes, yes.
Anyway - I had a restless night of sleep and am sad. But life goes on. Thanks for letting me vent.
Thanks for sharing, and for truly caring. Very sad story. She has latched onto another addiction. I know how her husband feels. I hope the neuroplasticity of the baby's brain can help the baby bounce back from this and be free of addiction going forward. Poor baby. Her mother should be held accountable.
The woman is not "in love" but rather "in addiction." Her note to tell the baby "I love her" was heartless, not heartfelt. The driving feeling and relationship she has is addiction. Here's another woman's story from back in 2007 (post #15):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1528796
The woman is not "in love" but rather "in addiction." Her note to tell the baby "I love her" was heartless, not heartfelt. The driving feeling and relationship she has is addiction. Here's another woman's story from back in 2007 (post #15):
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post1528796
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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Posts: 729
The person to reach out to and help right now is the dad. Some of us have raised babies solo without dropping them too many times ;-)
Seriously, he needs some support. When my ex left me with a two year old I had to make a lot of changes in my life but I figured it out and can french braid and paint nails and discuss fashion with the best of them. I think the funniest memory was me sitting with my back to her bathroom door reading the instructions on a box of tampax but I survived.
Just tell him not to try breast feeding - that will just irritate him and frustrate the kid.
Maybe mom makes it back and maybe not but right now he's better off solo. When my ex left things got so much easier. He can handle ONE infant just fine but an infant and an addict who is using is too much. You don't want her anywhere close to that baby until after she detoxes and gets well.
Kid is 17, honor student, no drinking/drugs/problems.... we talk about everything and about the only criticism I have ever heard is that it's been tough on the women in my life to feel like they come second and my daughter comes first... that's not feeling, it's fact. She always has come first and her little brother will too now because that's the deal - we belong to our children, not the other way around.
See if he needs a hand... or a casserole... or a sitter... or a nap.
I get the typical mindset that a baby NEEDS it's mother and dad's are more of a nice to have but frankly that is ********. A baby needs stability and security and 100% devotion from a parent. Plumbing doesn't much matter and that baby is a lot better off with one stable and sober parent who can focus all of his energy on the baby rather than dividing it.
Seriously, he needs some support. When my ex left me with a two year old I had to make a lot of changes in my life but I figured it out and can french braid and paint nails and discuss fashion with the best of them. I think the funniest memory was me sitting with my back to her bathroom door reading the instructions on a box of tampax but I survived.
Just tell him not to try breast feeding - that will just irritate him and frustrate the kid.
Maybe mom makes it back and maybe not but right now he's better off solo. When my ex left things got so much easier. He can handle ONE infant just fine but an infant and an addict who is using is too much. You don't want her anywhere close to that baby until after she detoxes and gets well.
Kid is 17, honor student, no drinking/drugs/problems.... we talk about everything and about the only criticism I have ever heard is that it's been tough on the women in my life to feel like they come second and my daughter comes first... that's not feeling, it's fact. She always has come first and her little brother will too now because that's the deal - we belong to our children, not the other way around.
See if he needs a hand... or a casserole... or a sitter... or a nap.
I get the typical mindset that a baby NEEDS it's mother and dad's are more of a nice to have but frankly that is ********. A baby needs stability and security and 100% devotion from a parent. Plumbing doesn't much matter and that baby is a lot better off with one stable and sober parent who can focus all of his energy on the baby rather than dividing it.
I get the typical mindset that a baby NEEDS it's mother and dad's are more of a nice to have but frankly that is ********. A baby needs stability and security and 100% devotion from a parent. Plumbing doesn't much matter and that baby is a lot better off with one stable and sober parent who can focus all of his energy on the baby rather than dividing it.
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Real World
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Oops. A littttttttttle touchy on this one still I guess. In the last custody battle the judge, court appointed atty for my daughter and the court appointed counselor all tried to talk my DD into withdrawing her request to have sole physical custody given to her dad and mom visits at his discretion. The reason they gave? Dad had a perfect track record however they were concerned about dads violent temper. Based on what? When mom and a group of friends from the outpatient group she became pals with after her release from the mental hospital decided to launch a 'rescue' mission to snatch DD despite a protective order the sensible shoe wearing man hating shrink who ran that group testified that the amount of force I used on the male members of that little rescue party was 'so excessive that it suggests that Mr. Xxxxx may very well represent a threat to society'. I had fun cross examining her. Question one was what level of force is appropriate when a quartet of her mental patients attempts to kidnap a small child? ...odd, I don't get Christmas cards from her ;-)
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Pohsfriend, your beautiful post made me laugh and cry. The image of such a game and loving dad reading off the tampax instructions is priceless. Thank you for being such a good person and sharing your story. I love it!
Wow guys thanks for your nice wonderful posts and thanks Pohs for the reminder that Dad's are just as good as Mom's - I have offered help I hope he will take it.
To update - new rehab bf out of rehab I guess changed his tune and wasn't open to this new relationship. So she bought a bottle and headed to Florida (we are in Atlanta). Made it about 5 hours and got a hotel room. Not sure what all she took but text Dad to say good bye I am killing myself here is my room number and hotel. He didn't get it till this morning - sent the cops. They found her disoriented. Took her to the hospital. they Marchman acted or Baker acted whatever its called. 72 hour hold I am sure in one of our very nice state run facilities (that's a joke). I am GLAD.
Kudos to dad - he didn't go down. Said his daughter is priority and he isn't leaving her to take care of wife's mess.
As for her I am still sad, but if a stay in the state psyche ward doesn't wake her up I don't think anything will.
To update - new rehab bf out of rehab I guess changed his tune and wasn't open to this new relationship. So she bought a bottle and headed to Florida (we are in Atlanta). Made it about 5 hours and got a hotel room. Not sure what all she took but text Dad to say good bye I am killing myself here is my room number and hotel. He didn't get it till this morning - sent the cops. They found her disoriented. Took her to the hospital. they Marchman acted or Baker acted whatever its called. 72 hour hold I am sure in one of our very nice state run facilities (that's a joke). I am GLAD.
Kudos to dad - he didn't go down. Said his daughter is priority and he isn't leaving her to take care of wife's mess.
As for her I am still sad, but if a stay in the state psyche ward doesn't wake her up I don't think anything will.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
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Seriously, he needs some support. When my ex left me with a two year old I had to make a lot of changes in my life but I figured it out and can french braid and paint nails and discuss fashion with the best of them. I think the funniest memory was me sitting with my back to her bathroom door reading the instructions on a box of tampax but I survived.
there's a whole bunch of women who just want to give you a big hug after reading this.
****** hugs }}}
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