Putting Our Life on Hold
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Putting Our Life on Hold
Sunday, December 2, 2012
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Putting Our Life on Hold
We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....
That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.
What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?
Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn't work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.
Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.
You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go
Putting Our Life on Hold
We cannot afford to put our needs on hold, waiting for another person to fulfill us, make our life better, or come around and be who and what we want that person to be. That will create resentment, hostility, an unhealthy dependency, and a mess to deal with later on.
If we have decided we want a particular relationship or want to wait about making a decision in a particular relationship, then we must go on with our own life in the interim.
That can be hard. It can feel natural to put our life on hold. That is when we get caught up in the codependent beliefs: That person can make me happy... I need that particular person to do a particular thing in order to be happy....
That's a circumstance that can hook our low self-esteem, our self-doubt, and our tendency to neglect ourselves.
We can get into this situation in a number of ways. We can do this waiting for a letter, waiting for a job, waiting for a person, waiting for an event.
We do not have to put our life on hold. There will be repercussions from doing this. Go on with your life. Take life a day at a time.
What is something I could be doing now to take care of myself, make myself feel better, get my needs met in an appropriate, healthy way?
How can I own my power to take care of myself, despite what the other person is or isn't doing?
What will happen if I break the system and begin taking care of myself?
Sometimes, we get the answer we want immediately. Sometimes, we wait for a while. Sometimes, things don't work out exactly the way we hoped. But they always work out for good, and often better than we expected.
And in the meantime, we have manifested love for ourselves by living our own life and taking the control away from others. That always comes back to us tenfold, because when we actually manifest love for ourselves, we give our Higher Power, other people, and the Universe permission to send us the love we want and need. Stopping living our life to make a thing happen doesn't work. All it does is make us miserable, because we have stopped living our life.
Today, I will force myself, if necessary, to live my own life. I will act in my own best interest, in a way that reflects self-love. If I have given power or control of my life to someone other than myself, and someone besides a Power greater than myself, I will take it back. I will begin acting in my own best interests, even if it feels awkward to do that.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
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I have learned so much already in this short period of time that I have joined. Ur post is sort of what I have been told but it makes a BIG difference when it comes from someone in my similar situation. I think the hardest part about actually moving on with my life is the feeling of guilt. I feel like I shouldn't be happy if my AD is out there possibly thinking I don't care. I feel others think "how can she just forget about her babygirl like that"? I am having such a hard time deciding how to deal with the upcoming holidays and I feel my other family members are suffering because of my emotional rollercoaster. So, knowing that your advice is ever such a relief to read I just want to know how long did it take before you could actually put this in place and any other helpful hints on how to start taking it one day at a time. In a million years I never thought I would ever be here but now its time to face the truth that I am and start dealing with this as it is not going away. I look forward to following everyone on this forum and hope one day I can maybe help someone else.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,741
Hope4bella, welcome to SR. This came from a book titled The Language of Letting Go
A very good read I saw your other post maybe you can start a thread and introduce yourself when you feel comfortable. I like you have addicted grown children in my case I have 2 and my husband.
A very good read I saw your other post maybe you can start a thread and introduce yourself when you feel comfortable. I like you have addicted grown children in my case I have 2 and my husband.
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Where ALL of YOU ARE
Posts: 45
Thank you Crazybabie..it was your "quote" that actually brought tears to my eyes and the reason I joined SR...I will definitely start a new thread when I have had a chance to process all that I have taken in today. I am thankful for finding this site as until today I have had no where to turn. I know no one can give me answers and make this all better but I just am now finding out that support makes all the difference. I have a wonderful man and step daughter that are hopefully going to benefit from this. I am learning how to utilize this site so please do not hesitate to offer advice on how to stay involved.
Last edited by Hope4Bella; 12-02-2012 at 05:06 PM. Reason: spelled reply name wrong
Getting there!!
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Posts: 5,750
Originally Posted by Hope4Bella 
I have learned so much already in this short period of time that I have joined. Ur post is sort of what I have been told but it makes a BIG difference when it comes from someone in my similar situation. I think the hardest part about actually moving on with my life is the feeling of guilt. I feel like I shouldn't be happy if my AD is out there possibly thinking I don't care. I feel others think "how can she just forget about her babygirl like that"? I am having such a hard time deciding how to deal with the upcoming holidays and I feel my other family members are suffering because of my emotional rollercoaster. So, knowing that your advice is ever such a relief to read I just want to know how long did it take before you could actually put this in place and any other helpful hints on how to start taking it one day at a time. In a million years I never thought I would ever be here but now its time to face the truth that I am and start dealing with this as it is not going away. I look forward to following everyone on this forum and hope one day I can maybe help someone else.
Welcome to SR and I pray you find serentity like so many here have. Me? I am still a work in progress.
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