Threshold

Some days this feels like my mantra. At first I thought it was about freeing the other human to be human. It's starting to sink in that the person freed is me.

When I feel my bile rising, I remind myself "principles before personalities" and allow it to settle, which is NOT the same as swallowing it back down.

I allow myself to feel what I feel, but also allow myself to not act on feelings alone.

I feel like I've avoided many uneccessary conflicts lately by reminding myself what's important and letting go of the need to be "right".

I tell myself to act according to who I am, not based on what I am assuming the other person to be.

This is scary territory for me. It's a relief and blessing to experience that it "works".

Fernaceman

Great thread, thank you!

newby1961

I have had a really hard time with this one. I have actually allowed others to rent so much space in my head that I have stopped going to certain meetings. I have had elders tell me, "what others think of you is none of your business," but I still seem to get caught up in all that drama. I have also been pretty judgmental in thinking oh boy here they go again blah blah blah. The thing is though you never know when one of these people who bother you so much might say the very thing that is going to save your butt one day. Then sometimes I think who in the heck do I think I am judging another? That is God's job and last time I checked I wasn't even close to being God!
I try to tell myself that we all earned our chair, and I may not have to like everyone but I need to love and respect them in the rooms of AA, but that is a lot easier said than done.
So anyway just my two cents worth on what I think about when I hear the topic principals before personalities.

Have a great day all.

Sapling

I needed to read that today....Thanks Threshold.

Boleo

To me, principles before personality means to place a higher value on spiritual principles than on my own personality. When I lead a principle driven life, I in effect, quit judging the the past and don't even try predicting the future. Without judgement and expectations, I am doing what Eckhart Tolle calls living in the now. Free of fear, guilt and shame. Free of bad Karma. Detached from the outcome.

muvinon

Good description of the process. And I know it's well worth the effort. It's so nice to not involve myself unnecessarily in dramas that have no real bearing on my life.

Fernaceman

"As we go through the day we pause, when agitated or doubtful, and ask for the right thought or action."

Big Book P. 87 - Into Action

IndaMiricale

Good stuff thank you.

RobbyRobot

Well said, Threshold. Thank you.

2granddaughters

And it makes me wonder how many other simple truths I miss every day... how much more I have to learn... to be come aware of.

I need all the help I can get. I can't figure this mess in my head out alone.

All the best.

Bob R

CaiHong

Newby I like that expression "renting space in my head", it really sums it up for me.

CaiHong

Tommyh

letting go of the need to be "right".

that strikes a cord with me
I used to feel the same way,then one day I read a book,"the 7 deadly needs"

one was the need to always be right

that means if I have to be right all the time,then ,most of those times I looked at others as wrong
the book was written by an AA Edward Bear(I think) was the name he used to write the book

paul99

Very well put.

This is something that is vital to my own recovery, and once I started to get it, and to see how it changed my way of approaching things, it felt so much lighter, like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.

But I have to be vigilant - and to keep practicing this, lest I get back into old thinking and old habits.

Great reminder. Thanks!