Junebugapril

I saw that they have some AA meetings called Beginner's/Step meetings. Would I do best starting with these? Or can you recommend any other type of meeting? There are many around here to choose from. I tried a few meetings that I wasn't that thrilled with; they were just okay. This is the first time I have tried to stop drinking.

Thanks,
JunebugApril

Boleo

Beginner/Step meetings are good because they typically make an announcement asking "Would those will to sponsor please raise their hands" or something similar.

Back-2-Basics meetings are also good for taking people (new & old) through the steps quickly.

Big Book meetings might be a little too intense for someone with less than 90 days. But then again, they are an excellent source for finding sponsors.

Fernaceman

I would definitely say beginner's meetings!! Steps 1-3 meetings are good too, if they are not already labeled as a beginner's meeting.

paul99

Many of the larger groups here have discussion meetings where they break off into different rooms that have different areas of discussion - big book, step 1-3, step 4-12, traditions, etc. All of them have a steps 1-3 room, and it's usually the biggest. Not sure if they have that where you are, but that would be a good start.

shockozulu

Meetings where they discuss the book Living Sober were also helpful my first year.

TSDD

Most meetings when I was new were speaker meetings. It was nice to just show up and listen to other people's experience. I learned a lot and then get a lot from going along on commitments with the group.

IMO there's really no correct answer for this question, if there was a "best" type of meeting you wouldn't have a hundred different types.... different strokes for different folks.

I'd encourage anyone to go try ALL of them a few times and see what seems to make the most sense to you, or see where you feel most comfortable with the people. Go to as many you can, try to have an open mind, and you'll find your own answers somewhere.

Junebugapril

Thanks, everyone, these responses were really helpful. Much appreciated. I did see one huge meeting. There were over 100 people there, but they didn't split up the night I went, they just passed the microphone around.

JunebugApril

2granddaughters

Try your best not to "judge" meetings. The fact that you may have not been thrilled with them doesn't mean that it wasn't just what you need.

Please remember that it was doing/getting what thrilled/pleased us that got us here in the first place. We have to break that chain.

All the best.

Bob R

paul99

This is very true. There was a point early in my recovery where I started to judge meetings, judge the people in the meetings, judge everything I could, but I still went. It was important for me (looking back now) to work through what was brought up for me in just being at these meetings - anger, feelings of "less than", anxiety, etc.

The meetings that challenged me the most were the ones that I gained the most from. There is something to be said about being too comfortable in a meeting. Pushing ourselves is the best way to get out of our comfort zones.

Junebugapril

You guys have a good point. Oh did I judge. My very first meeting was loaded with gangbangers in doo rags. One guy discussed how many gold chains and Cadillacs he gave away when he was dealing drugs. Oh did I judge. Big time. The woman leading the meeting had bad grammar. I wanted to get out the red pen. One guy walked in twenty minutes late with a piece of paper for the leader to sign, and left after five minutes, picking up his signed paper on the way out. Cell phones rang all through the meeting. People walked in and out constantly. This was not a good start for me. Or so I thought.

I got to talk in the meeting. I had been sober a couple of days, and I talked about cravings. After the meeting was over, people came up to me and offered phone numbers, support, and one guy even asked me if I had a Big Book. I said no, and he walked over to a book vending machine and bought a Big Book for me and a list of local meetings, and handed it to me.

I was impressed and intrigued. I probably won't go back to this place for meetings, because I didn't like all the distractions. But I realized we are all the same here. I was very grateful for how people reached out to me. People were genuinely kind.

I am trying really hard not to judge. There were a few more meetings that were just so-so. I have to remember that we are all just human here, doing the best we can. The last meeting I went to was very impressive. It was a huge room full of professional people. I will be making this one one of my regular weekly meetings.

I think I will feel better in the beginners and step meetings like you describe here. Thanks for the help with this. I will go to a beginners meeting this evening. Will let you know how it goes.

Music

I was told to not compare but to identify. Although I had never worn head bands or dealt drugs, drove cadillacs or had any gold chains, I did get drunk when I drank, did unsociable things when I drank, and disappointed a lot of people(my family) when I drank. I hope you'll give some consideration to going back to this meeting. The response of the people there toward you is worth many more visits.

AA members kind of have our own type of a social thing going. We have our own language, our own sayings and cliches which you won't here too many other places, and I guess the main message I'm trying to get at is that we're all here 'cause we ain't all there. We need each other because we truly understand each other. Nobody knows how an alcoholic truly feels but another alcoholic. We identify and I'll bet if you go back and give this meeting another chance, keep an open mind and listen to feelings, experiences and emotions, you'll learn a lot about yourself. I agree that beginners meetings are a good place to start, but it's hard to find out how to get sober and stay sober from people who don't know how. Most of what I've learned, I learned from listening and watching what people did who've been in AA for a while; had been through the wringer and were grateful they were not only sober, but alive. I wish more people would take the time to talk to newcomers, give out names and phone humbers, and especially furnish a Big Book to someone who doesn't have one. Best of luck and remember to not judge a book by it's cover.

IndaMiricale

Well I think you got all the advice you need for this question..

I just wanted to say WELCOME...

AA saved this guy from himself.. I had never tried to quite until I was 39. And drank daily for 20 years. I thought I knew somethings about AA like most "think" and I just knew at the time I quit I didnt care what I had to believe in to help me do that.

That was June 2011 and the ride has just been beyond words, which you will hear time and time again. If you were to ask me how things would be sober when I first quit, I would of sold myself way way short.

Just get out of yourself, dont judge, only try to relate. Be open-minded and teachable.

And remember its just all still human people trying to stay sober. Some good some bad.. Take the good and learn from the bad..

Good to have you in the rooms..

Good love, Inda

Junebugapril

Thanks, Inda, and everyone who was kind enough to post here.

The beginner's meeting was loaded with people who talked about their 20, 30 and 40 years sober. I was disappointed. Nobody but me seemed to be a beginner. I really want to like AA.

I hope you don't see me as a crank, and ungrateful.

I am seeing a pattern in the meetings. Fifteen minutes of repeating stuff I heard the first time at the first meeting I went to, and don't really need to hear again. Then after the speaker gets done talking, people who speak spend a few sentences sucking up to the speaker by complimenting them because they are supposed to, because this is how it is done in AA.

The meat of the meeting to me, the good part, is hearing the individuals speak about their issues. But that is not even half of the meeting. I guess I have to put up with the repetitive dogma and the lingo if I am going to be in AA. I really really want this to work for me, but I am seeing so many things I don't care for.

The ideal AA meeting for me would consist of intelligent people discussing their problems and successes with alcohol. When I went to Al-Anon years ago, I only went to one group. It was fine. I liked it. It worked for me. I don't know why AA is so difficult for me. I feel like it is me creating the problems, and that it is my fault that the meetings are not good for me.

I am also thankful that I had stopped drinking for three days before I went to my first AA meeting. I did not feel that my life had become unmanageable. Only that my drinking was out of control.

This forum has helped me immensely. Perhaps I am a forum person and not an AA person. I will still keep trying new meetings, in the hope that I will find one that can be my home group.

Fernaceman

Well, for me, it's all important, and relevant. The beginning and speaker portions yes, are redundant, and themes repeat themselves. But these themes are usually ones that people deal with on a daily basis.

The part where you break into smaller groups is good as well. Hearing everyone's perspective on a topic or reading is very good.

But, more importantly, I would get a sponsor and start working the steps out of the big book. THAT's where the recovery happens.

Junebugapril

Breaking into smaller groups, I have not seen yet. That sounds great. I will try to find a sponsor, thank you. I kind of had one, but didn't pursue it past a couple of days, and she never called me when I stopped calling her.

Fernaceman

Most groups I attend break into smaller groups. I would find just speaker meetings very boring as well if I didn't get a chance to listen or at least hear a few other people's perspective.

Keep checkin 'em out. Try discussion meetings. Might take a few times, but you're bound to find one you enjoy!

And as far as getting a sponsor, I would just ask for help getting one at the next meeting you go to. Doesn't have to be too formal at all. Just say "I am looking for some help getting someone to work the steps with me."

Good luck.

paul99

It can be difficult to navigate meetings at first. There is a lot going on, but I am glad that you're willing to try other meetings. That's very important.

As for the beginner's meetings being infiltrated (ha ha) by old timers - I was confused about that for a while too - but I have come to learn that there is where the newcomer is. And in passing it on, we always look to newcomers to work with. So those are actually the best place to find a sponsor. Try it again.

In regards to the format - yeah, you are going to hear those preambles over and over and over again. But they're not there to irritate you. They are for the person who has never been to a meeting, still detoxing, wondering if a meeting is worth it, maybe even deciding if life is worth living again. Hearing those words might keep them there, or at least plant a seed in them for later.

The sucking up part you described - some people might describe it as gratitude I know that I am thankful that there is a program for hopeless drunks like me, where we can share our stories and how the solution works in our lives. And as a hopeless alcoholic, going to meetings alone won't get me sober - I need the program! And as an alcoholic of the hopeless variety, expecting a forum to keep me sober is akin to watching a car commercial and expecting my Toyota washed and tuned up in the garage.

I wish you luck in finding a sponsor - keep at it. It sometimes takes more than one shot at it to get the person that is meant for you. Keep going back.

Good luck!

Zube

I liked them all.

Still do.

Zube

Fernaceman

Zube your avatar cracks me up.

Zube

Thanks Fernaceman- That is "Mister". Right before I sobered up, I took him outside one night without his leash and he got hit by a car on the highway out front. I was mortified, but went back inside to grab more booze before finding somebody to take us to the vet. That was pretty close to my bottom.

Mister lived, miraculously. Still doing fine, actually, sitting at my feet right now. Long story short, I stopped drinking, and we were recovered together.

I keep him as my Avatar so I never forget my bottom, and all those I affected while I was down there.

Zube