wornoutagain

Ok so Ive been no contact with ABF for 4 days. He has been no contact with me as well. We work together and I have I done my best to avoid him, but he knows my schedule and manages to place himself where I will have to see him. UGHHHH....manipulation?????? Idk?

I think I would be doing great if I never had to lay eyes on him at all, but he is making that impossible. Im assuming on purpose. But anyway that makes it so hard--I know I sound weak as H3LL and I am very frustrated with myself. My heart pings everytime he does this. Will it ever go away or am I going to have to quit my d@#m job to recover. Or better any ideas how to get him fired???? Just kidding...... I think????

Today sucked!!! I need some wise help.

dollydo

I think that if you just ignore him, and don't react, he will eventually give up. Every addict I've known has had the attention span of a 3 year old. They get easily bored and move on to other things/people.

Keep your resolve, keep posting, we are here for you.

Jody675

its hard when you work with someone who youve been involved with. my last long term relationship worked in my own group. so i had no choice to see him. and he never appeared to be sad or upset. and then all my friends would tell me how he was hitting on this girl or that girl (one was even my best friend, even after i asked him to stay away from my friends). do they do it on purpose? honestly, who cares. if they are they are, then they are a child and you should be glad that they are gone from your life, if they arent then you will look like the child. best to just focus on yourself. by focusing on them, and that you arent contacting each other, will just keep the pain going. just see them as another annoying co worker. thats how i eventually got through my pain. i ignored him, didnt talk to him unless it was for operational reasons, and moved on with my life. it hurt and was hard, but eventually you can get through it. (i will admit i made the mistake of keep going back to him in the beginning and kept get hurt again and again...so was glad in the end when i could finally not see him as anything other than someone i once went out with. and i dont see him as this amazing person anymore. he actually makes my skin crawl at how much he sees his own self importance.)...argh!

good luck and hang in there. it will get easier.

rcutch

I think that it is amazing that you have gone 4 days. You are not weak. Cutting the addict out of our lives is the hardest thing to do. You made 4 days, you can make 5. And if you have a slip - forgive yourself and start again. Best of luck!

wornoutagain

Thanks ya'll-----I was so pissed when I got home and now I feel more on track again. And Jody I cant wait for the day he makes my skin crawl. And yes you are right. 4 days of no contact with someone who messaged me probably 100 times a day everyday. Dang I rock!!!!! Tomorrow is Day 5 bring it on.

zoso77

A couple of thoughts I want to share with you.

First of all, no one ever said "no contact" would be easy. It's very difficult, especially when you care for someone. But what you have to acknowledge is that the harm they can potentially do to you outweighs whatever feelings you may still have. So, I would acknowledge your feelings, to yourself, and keep on going with no contact.

Secondly, the only thing that you can control at work is your behavior. He's going to do whatever he's going to do. You have to establish your boundaries and stay faithful to them. This is going to take practice on your part, and some days -- like today -- will be harder than others. You're not going to like how this feels from time to time. And if you're going to get through this, you can't allow what you're feeling to compromise your well-being. So, you'll have to sit with those feelings, like it or not.

I sympathize with your plight, and what I can tell you is after a period of no contact, you'll feel stronger and thankful that you don't have to put up with the addict's BS anymore. Trust me on this. You're going to be OK.

Best,
ZoSo

wornoutagain

Thanks Zoso
I get it I really do. One day at a time and some days will suck just like every addiction. The Heart does not have a Brain. And the good news is that even though my heart may feel broken at this this time, My brain is perfectly intact. Thank you for your support and encouragement----All of you.

I started to say that you guys have no idea how much ya'll are helpiing, but Im sure ya'll do know. Truly Blessed to have found SR

Vale

wornoutagain,

It IS hard.Very hard.Feels like you are cutting out on them at their lowest point.
One trick that got me through was telling myself (with considerable data to back me
up)......."after you dropped everything/every time she called/for over 2 years....(not
to mention the $$$$$ you spent 'helping' her....."

".........she forgot about you in 15 minutes"

Why would you waste another minute worrying about someone who treats you like that?
If it gets under your skin---pour it out on SR (like I do!)

.......do what you need to do to stay away from this NO WIN scenario.