Weasel1966

Moping. Loss of interest in things. Cannot seem to see further than even a few days. Just generally sad.

That's not me.

It's hard to be around someone depressed. Especially when you are not.

I just started a med about three weeks ago. It's really turning things around and allowing me to see things much clearer. I am not cloudy headed. I can feel positive things again. I can relax and be able to just enjoy the now.

That heaviness has subsided.

But my partner, who refuses to see himself as depressed, is not in the same place.

We don't need to be. I am not saying that we should. But now that I finally have some room to breath it's sad to see him struggling.

I have talked before about what it's like to have two people trying to remain sober at the same time.

I have always been that kind of person that wakes and is excited about the new day. Not overly happy but no downer either.

We each have our selves to care for and love. That's my focus right now.

I have made many suggestions to him on how to cope. No matter how much I love someone I cannot shift focus right now. It's all about me.

This is my life.... Go get your own.

Thepatman

Impressive and true Weasel! I still think about my ex girlfriend alot. But she is probably still not sober and does not want to change. It's about you, all about you.

Jeni26

I know you and I have followed similar paths with our partners. I know it can be tough.
Mine is following his own path in sobriety. He has only ever admitted to me that he doesn't like himself drunk, that he has done things he isn't proud of. He has never described himself as an alcoholic nor has he sought help. He is supportive of me going to AA. He doesn't want to go himself nor do we talk about it. He often talks about missing a drink, but he hasn't done so as yet.
Lets be clear, he was a daily drinker with blackout episodes and more than one psychotic episode.
We are both committed to sobriety but my sobriety isn't dependent on his.
He is not depressed but can be really angry at times.
We are very happy but I am aware that his sobriety is a lot more fragile than mine.
But, I'm happy to accept each day as it comes. The last 6 months we have been sober has been the best.

Always put yourself first though Ken. Sobriety should always remain our number one priority xxx

Weasel1966

Thank you Jeni.

I am doing that.

The contrast last night was drastic between him and I. I did nothing to compensate. I just let it be as I know emotions pass. I gave him space.

As things continue to improve and we both start to trust in ourselves again he will feel different.

I know myself. I needed help. It was not going to happen by my strength alone. I am stong but not superhuman. So I went to the doc and am on a better road than earlier.

Just woke up feeling alone because of it. So thought I would post. Glad I did.

Joy is infectious. Sobriety is not.

I am going to keep learning new ways to fill my life with joy. Lots to do big and small.

Just let the rest happen around me.

Elisabeth888

I know the feeling well. I take it personally when my husband is depressed or in a bad mood. He should be happy because I am sober, dammit!

I am trying to realize and accept that I have no control over others, including my spouse. I am in charge of my feelings and no one else's.

It is hard though!

Jeni26

And I think that a relationship where drink played such an important part for so long is bound to change.
I worried at first that we wouldn't even have anything to say to each other.
In lots of ways it's like starting again with someone new!

I know it can be tough sometimes, but it's worth it.

Be gentle with each other, give each other space when needed, be understanding.
Early recovery is hard. At least doubly so when you are both doing it at the same time.
But nothing is as hard as drinking and using and living life on that merry-go-round.
Good luck Ken xx

Weasel1966

We had such a good first 10 years. I know how good it can be. So by not drinking I am hoping to recapture some of that and make new paths sober.

I have hope. It starts there.

Fernaceman

Sorry to hear your partner struggling with depression. I too know how frustrating it can be. Have definitely been on both sides of this. When I am not depressed and see someone else down I definitely need to consciously be more compassionate, not say "you have nothing to be depressed about. Life is grand. Wtf is wrong with you. Get over it!" Unfortunately my selfish instincts still want to go there. But I also consciously realize when I have been depressed, those types of statements do not accomplish anything.

Depressions, for me and quite a few others, are kind of an ebon flow, at least. It should cycle out soon enough.

Wish you the best, Ken.