mooselips

Hiya,
Awhile back, before the big crash, someone mentioned doing a "family of origin" work. In fact, I think it was Barb?
Could someone tell me what it entails, what it does, what is the therapeutic value, how do I do it, where do I get the resources? Why would it be a good thing to do this? Can it help me?


WOW, I'm full of questions.....thank you.

Gabe

Ugh, I'm currently having issues with my family of origin.
I'm sure anything on this subject would be beneficial for me too.
Peace,
Gabe

journeygal

Hmmm, ditto.

Maybe we should do something like Ann is doing with the step study on nar-anon and have a family of origin study here. Let's poke around and see if we can find a guide or something to use...

Alice Wonder

10 years ago family of origin helped me tremendously. my therapist specialized in it. it was very revolutionary to me at the time and later i was like...DUH... it really helped me sort through the muckety muckety muck of my childhood and family issues etc. i connected the dots finally and go a lot processed. it really helped to clear a lot of Sh*t out. i will look for some info as well.

mooselips

Hi all,
I'm going to need the "Dick and Jane does family of origin" book. I do not know anything about this, I just read it in a sentence and it grabbed my interest.

journeygal

I have a lot of self-esteem, abandonment, rejection, and fear issues, and it all stems from my childhood. Understanding where it all originated helps us figure out who we are and why we're the way we are. That's basically what family of origin work is - getting to the root of who we are by coming to terms with our childhood and how it affected and shaped us.

I've just started rereading the step one chapter of Melody Beattie's codie 12 step guide, and she touches on a lot of childhood stuff. You might want to check it out.

mooselips

Thanks JG, I have the 12 step Melody book, I'll do that chapter during lunch tomorrow.

Magichappens

I don't know the term, but I have traced my family history with respect to alcoholism, and family dynamic. Realizing that my parents grew up lacking the same nurturing and unconditional love that I lacked helped me to forgive them and see them as humans. I could also realize that there was no intention to hurt me, though hurt me they did. It was a very important part of learning to forgive and forgiving myself. I was blessed to break the cycle and they haven't been able to. I can actually have empathy for them today. I am not well. They can still push my buttons better than anybody on the planet, since they made the keypad. But it's better today than it's ever been.
I'd like to know more about that term "family of origin" and what it entails, if any one can explain. Hugs, Magic

journeygal

Family of Origin stuff is all the things, good or bad, you observed or were taught by your family while you were growing up, such as abuse, neglect, unhealthy boundaries, etc. It's how we learned what was acceptable and what wasn't. In a lot of cases, our family of origin (parents, grandparents, siblings, etc) taught us to accept things that were bad for us and taught us to deny things that would have made us healthy and whole. For instance, I grew up with an alcoholic dad and codependent mom, so b/c of my family of origin, the behaviors and patterns I learned and observed growing up in this environment were "acceptable" to me.

Make sense?

DefofLov

Yes it makes plenty of sense. I think I will do an exercise and really think about the things my family has taught me, both good and bad. However...considering the nice, loving person I have become...is it possible that those good traits came from me and my reaction to my family? Because, I was neglected and then mentally and verbally abused...I don't think my good side was influenced by my family at all. I could have reacted very differently to the way I was raised. I have always wondered...*whistling the x-files theme song*

~Def

journeygal

Well, I have a theory about that too.

I think a lot of ACOAs are the sweetest, nicest people you'll run into. Why? B/c we've spent all of our lives trying to please everyone and seek approval from everyone, to keep from being abused, neglected, and rejected...

Magichappens

I think all our characteristics, good and not so good, were learned from our environment. Other than our animal instincts, our strive to become more comes from example. Any good quality or characteristic in it's extreme is a "character defect". Any characteristic that is lacking is a "shortcoming". The strive for us codies is to find a balance, a middle ground. Some people are too nice. Some people are not nice enough. Both are unbalanced.
Thanks for the explaination JG. I have been doing some work in that area, I just didn't know that term.

mooselips

Thanks for the replies..

I'm a thinking I would need a professional to help me sort through my past, unless there is a workbook of sorts?

By the way, I FEEL normal......

Magichappens

I have gotten a lot out of therapy. I prayed about it and asked God to put someone in my life who could help. I know many in my groups who haven't had as much success with professionals. I have also done a lot of my work through the fourth step. Working through the resentments I had with my family, seeing my learned behavior and the needs that drove me to them. In conjunction with therapy I see some things a lot clearer.

What's normal?

Hugs, Magic

Gabe

Mooselips,
Have you read any of John Bradshaw's books? He's written several of them about how your family of orgin life affects your adult life. If you do a books search at Amazon using his name, it will pull up all his titles.
Peace,
Gabe

Magichappens

Good selection Gabe. I need to get my Bradshaw books out again.

mooselips

Hi,
I have looked at John Bradshaws books. From what I remember, they were triangles, squares, and circles with arrows. I'm thinking I wasn't paying alot of attention at the time.....LOL

I'll give it another go.......

Gabe

About books...
If anyone has any recommendations, I'm always up for a new book.
I read about this one today, I'm thinkin' a library trip is on the agenda for this weekend.
"Toxic Parents : Overcoming Their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life"
by Susan Forward.
(Don't you love that her last name is "Forward"?)

journeygal

I have the Toxic Parents book. It's a good one. I need to pick it up again.

JT

There is something I read or heard that involves our percieved social status as children. If our parents thought they were "less than" as in my case (my mom) then that bleeds over into how I perceive myself. We were pretty poor and I knew my friends had more even as a very young child. I had an impression that we were somehow not as important, for lack of a better word, as the other aunts and uncles. Whenever we went to my aunts over night the first thing she did was through us in the bathtub. What was up with that anyway??

Anyway what I am saying is that I think there is also our perceived place in the world and that comes from alot of places including our parents. We are predestined, in a way, to fill a mold.

JT