Lea13

I understand that it is good for Recovering alcoholics to have a hobby. It gives them something to focus on, besides drinking. However, I feel like my RAH's hobby is taking over. His 7 year old son (from previous marriage) races a go kart. He is obsessed with it and it is all he talks about!! He has been spending money on websites, fliers and fixing up the new race trailer. I have no iterest in it, I can't seem to get into racing period. I do, however, go to most of the races to support my step son.
It is all my husband ever wants to talk about and he is constantly spending money on it. Even tho he is in the process of getting sponsors, all expenses up until this point have come out of OUR checking account.
I guess my biggest complaint is the fact that he gets to have a hobby and something that he enjoys doing. There are tons of things that I would LOVE to do, but don't have time b/c I am taking care of the baby, grocery shopping, working, making dinner, etc. And when I do get a chance to do something, like go out to dinner with friends, he makes me feel like **** b/c I am not staying home at nite! And I am only gone MAYBE one nite a week, and that is at work! Very rarely do I get to do something fun without him makeing me feel bad about it. I understand that he goes to his meetings to help get better. But that is still 4 nites a week that he gets out of the house.
I won't DARE say anything to him tho b/c I know that he would get pissed off and we would just fight about it. Sorry, I really got off track there, just needed to rant for a minute

Jody675

hey Lea it seems you are between a rock and a hard place at the moment. my exH use to say mean things to me if i wanted to take up hobbies, and put me down, even though i supported him whenever he wanted to take up some hobby. but heres the thing. No one can MAKE you feel anything you dont buy in to. my ex also use to blame me for him not doing stuff. after we separated i went out and bought a motorbike and joined a gym. he cracked the sh1ts with me because he wanted to do those things but now he couldnt because i did. they were just excuses, and i didnt buy into it. i just smiled and told him he should as riding is awesome and the gym was great. you are not going to change the situation until you change the situation. if you want to do something then you just have to go out and do it. you cant blame him for it. or you are just playing the victim which im sure he loves you to be. you might get some grief, but dont buy into it. just smile and tell him you are finally doing things for yourself, and would appreciate his support but you dont need his support to be happy. go and get yourself some books about self esteem that might help you feel good about yourself, and not let his words hurt so much. generally the reason we feel bad when someone puts us down, is because he believe what they are saying is true deep down. time to start living the life YOU WANT TO....because YOU ARE WORTH IT.

dancingnow

I noticed when my RAH was early on trying not to drink and having less success than he is now, he did get superfocused like what you are describing. No concept of time or money spent, like a child really. It passes and comes back intermittently.

They say in alanon Live and Let Live so I just go about my business and take time when I can to do what I enjoy doing and not be concerned what RAH thinks about it.

I agree with Jody you are worth taking time for yourself and doing what you enjoy doing. It's tough to find time with caring for kids and working and everything else. Maybe even put some $ separate for something you want, maybe for a babysitter when he's out too.