soberwife2012

can any one give my more phases to focus on when my mother in law is screaming it is my fault that her son(my husband) is in the hospital from a DUI!! yes, i realize i do not have the power to make him drink. i am running out of phases to keep myself calm and in my own co-dependency recovery!! i am trying not to get angry but i am afraid i am going to lose my cool and say something that i can not take back. i am also tired of saying sorry for things he has done so i only want to say sorry for my actions!! i am tired of beating my head into the wall of blame!!!

MIRecovery

1. Did I hold the bottle to his lips?
2. Did I make him drive drunk?
3. Talk to any professional you want to and they will tell you it is his problem not mine.
4. He has a disease and until he gets help it makes no differance what anyone does or does not do.

bbthumper

I would suggest posting on the Friends and Family forum. I am sure there are some great folks there who have shared similar experiences.
Or have you considered Alanon? Many of us find comfort in the company of folks who have been through what we have.

God bless you. Hope you find the answers you need.

Anna

Stop taking her calls, at least until things settle down a bit. Is there any reason you need to talk to her?

I hope you check out AlAnon too.

soberwife2012

i have to see her at the hospital!! i am the only one who can make medical decision right now. yes i go to Alanon and have for almost year and half. she refuse to go and it is heart breaking to see her breaking in front of me and the kids. i think this may be her "rock bottom" also. i get saying in my head "only my opionion of myself is what matters" but it is hard to listen to her words when the words sound quite a bit like what my husband would say!

escapist

Does she tell you what you should have done? Handcuff him maybe? I am an experienced alcoholic and if I want to drink I am going to. I will lie, hide, anything that gets me my drink. Maybe she does'nt know about alcoholics. There is nothing you can do to control someone who is out of control. I am sorry you are going through this. I don't know what purpose is served by you apologizing and taking a tounge lashing for him.

soberwife2012

i only say sorry for the things i have done wrong now. several months ago i would be saying sorry for him! i refuse to take that burden on. mistakes made by me are mine not his so why am i being blamed. one reason i believe mil fears people are going to blame her and find her at fault. second reason is mil wants no body to know about his drinking!! mil is a big secret keeper!! but i realize this will only make him sicker! the secret is out because he was on every news channel!!!

nogard

Sounds like your doing the right things, keep on doing meetings, talk here, spend as little time as possible with the negative talk of others.

Impurrfect

The serenity prayer helps me, a lot. Reminding myself to "accept the things I cannot change" isn't always easy, but it does help when I repeat the prayer to myself, a few gazillion times. Sorry you are going through all this.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy