Sponsor never answers phone/rarely calls back
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Austin
Posts: 4
Sponsor never answers phone/rarely calls back
Hey there,
I am having a problem with my sponsor. I asked her to sponsor me because she has 23 or 24 years of sobriety in AA and I've heard her share in meetings and she has good stuff to say. She's been my sponsor for almost 7 months now, and the first few months were ok, we'd meet up every other week or so and she'd tell me to do step work and we'd discuss it and all that. However, the past 4-5 months, we rarely talk. At first I was calling her a couple of times a week, and then once a week. This is all while I'm doing pretty good with my sobriety (no temptations or stuff happening I need immediate help with). For the past two months or so, I've been on shaky ground. Been having an increasing feeling of not belonging and being bored with AA and just basically gradually, then suddenly feeling like ****. I know enough about the program and been in for more than two years, and realize that I'm not talking to my sponsor enough about these things and not really working the steps, as we seemed to have stopped on 10 a few months back and haven't been progressing. I easily see why I feel the way I do and in the past few weeks have tried to call my sponsor and have been leaving messages but not getting called back (or texted or anything in response). I finally was able to talk to her for a whole 10 minutes several days ago and just told her how I was feeling about sobriety and everything. It's not that I want to drink right now, but I want to someday, and I see how I'm on dangerous ground with that thinking. I told her that and she "walked me through the drink" or whatever, even though I intellectually know it's not going to make things better and I don't want it now. Before she let me go she told me to call her everyday and if she doesn't answer to leave a message. I have been, and have yet to have another conversation with her. Obviously, it's probably time to move on to another sponsor, because while I'm not going to drink today, if the day comes, I know I can't count on her to help me. I don't feel like our 10 minute chat was very helpful either. Honestly, it makes me feel more out of place and like I want to just say "**** it" to recovery. Messed up, totally, but this is just where I'm at right now.
I am having a problem with my sponsor. I asked her to sponsor me because she has 23 or 24 years of sobriety in AA and I've heard her share in meetings and she has good stuff to say. She's been my sponsor for almost 7 months now, and the first few months were ok, we'd meet up every other week or so and she'd tell me to do step work and we'd discuss it and all that. However, the past 4-5 months, we rarely talk. At first I was calling her a couple of times a week, and then once a week. This is all while I'm doing pretty good with my sobriety (no temptations or stuff happening I need immediate help with). For the past two months or so, I've been on shaky ground. Been having an increasing feeling of not belonging and being bored with AA and just basically gradually, then suddenly feeling like ****. I know enough about the program and been in for more than two years, and realize that I'm not talking to my sponsor enough about these things and not really working the steps, as we seemed to have stopped on 10 a few months back and haven't been progressing. I easily see why I feel the way I do and in the past few weeks have tried to call my sponsor and have been leaving messages but not getting called back (or texted or anything in response). I finally was able to talk to her for a whole 10 minutes several days ago and just told her how I was feeling about sobriety and everything. It's not that I want to drink right now, but I want to someday, and I see how I'm on dangerous ground with that thinking. I told her that and she "walked me through the drink" or whatever, even though I intellectually know it's not going to make things better and I don't want it now. Before she let me go she told me to call her everyday and if she doesn't answer to leave a message. I have been, and have yet to have another conversation with her. Obviously, it's probably time to move on to another sponsor, because while I'm not going to drink today, if the day comes, I know I can't count on her to help me. I don't feel like our 10 minute chat was very helpful either. Honestly, it makes me feel more out of place and like I want to just say "**** it" to recovery. Messed up, totally, but this is just where I'm at right now.
Been there, done that!
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: London
Posts: 539
Hi, I had the same problem with my sponsor a while back, I had to keep chasing him and it started to really **** me of in the end so I sacked him... Iam not in aa no more because having that pressure of relieing on another human being to answer the phone when iam on shaky ground or being around was too much for me. I like to,relie on myself, I started drinking, I stopped drinking!!!
But I would say find another sponsor iam sure plent would love to be your sponsor!!
But I would say find another sponsor iam sure plent would love to be your sponsor!!
Recoveringed
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: Thump
Posts: 409
Lele,
I'm sorry you're going through this, but maybe it will prove itself to be a gift. Sometimes when we wind up with unfit sponsors, we pay with our lives. I look back on the sponsor I had my first year, and as much as I love them and appreciate that they were trying to help, I can see that they really didn't know what they were doing and I feel lucky to have survived it.
If I were you, I would be going here to find a healthy, happy network in recovery with people who genuinely understand what sponsorship is all about. You are so lucky to have them in your area! This group is Big Book strong with inspiration galore. There was an alcoholic/addict who lived there named Mark H. who passed away a few years ago, and I absolutely love to listen to his speaker tapes because the AA message he carried was so beautiful and so strong. He helped a whole lot of people down there, who also got lit up with the program, and there are also a lot of other amazing alcoholics doing fantastic work with others throughout Texas if you just know where to look.
Austin Primary Purpose Group
If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.
Best wishes and so much encouragement to you on your journey.
I'm sorry you're going through this, but maybe it will prove itself to be a gift. Sometimes when we wind up with unfit sponsors, we pay with our lives. I look back on the sponsor I had my first year, and as much as I love them and appreciate that they were trying to help, I can see that they really didn't know what they were doing and I feel lucky to have survived it.
If I were you, I would be going here to find a healthy, happy network in recovery with people who genuinely understand what sponsorship is all about. You are so lucky to have them in your area! This group is Big Book strong with inspiration galore. There was an alcoholic/addict who lived there named Mark H. who passed away a few years ago, and I absolutely love to listen to his speaker tapes because the AA message he carried was so beautiful and so strong. He helped a whole lot of people down there, who also got lit up with the program, and there are also a lot of other amazing alcoholics doing fantastic work with others throughout Texas if you just know where to look.
Austin Primary Purpose Group
If there's anything I can do to help, just let me know.
Best wishes and so much encouragement to you on your journey.
Grateful to be free
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Do what you need to do for your recovery, and if that means getting a new sponsor and getting back into serious step work. Do that.
I'd also suggest cutting your sponsor some slack. People have stuff come up in their lives. You took, for your own reasons, a breather from staying in contact and doing serious step work, then when you decide to pick up the ball again you think your sponsor should be in the same place as you.
Maybe while you were doing your thing, the sponsor took on another sponsee or two since you weren't apparently needing their input.
Also, in 12 step, we are encouraged to form a recovery family and support network, not just count on our sponsor to be there to talk us through a rough patch. Because no one person can be on call all the time, or have the right words or perspective all the time.
Even with all those years of recovery , your sponsor could be going through a rough patch and need to be focusing on their recovery, and needing to talk to their sponsor more often. I know my sponsor, with 23 yrs clean time, has been through that recently.
I'd also suggest cutting your sponsor some slack. People have stuff come up in their lives. You took, for your own reasons, a breather from staying in contact and doing serious step work, then when you decide to pick up the ball again you think your sponsor should be in the same place as you.
Maybe while you were doing your thing, the sponsor took on another sponsee or two since you weren't apparently needing their input.
Also, in 12 step, we are encouraged to form a recovery family and support network, not just count on our sponsor to be there to talk us through a rough patch. Because no one person can be on call all the time, or have the right words or perspective all the time.
Even with all those years of recovery , your sponsor could be going through a rough patch and need to be focusing on their recovery, and needing to talk to their sponsor more often. I know my sponsor, with 23 yrs clean time, has been through that recently.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: The Trenches, Texas
Posts: 778
I love Mark as well in spite of some of the anger I've now seen he was clinging to. His talks on the mechanics gave me a great foundation. He helped a lot of folks.
Austin is a Mecca, a hot bed of enthusiasm, for recovery in Texas. My sponsor and his wife hail from that region. Feel free to hit me up if you need some contacts.
Austin is a Mecca, a hot bed of enthusiasm, for recovery in Texas. My sponsor and his wife hail from that region. Feel free to hit me up if you need some contacts.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 249
Sorry to hear about your situation. I've been so fortunate to have a sponsor that talks to me almost every day. He may not always answer, but that's OK. Quite frankly, sometimes I'm glad he doesn't answer, lol (as bad as that sounds). So reading your post makes me realize that I should grateful to have the sponsor that I have so far.
It sounds like you need a new sponsor. Have you talked to other members of your group about this? It would be a shame to lose all of that sobriety time because of something like this. Take some action to save your sobriety. That's what I would do.
It sounds like you need a new sponsor. Have you talked to other members of your group about this? It would be a shame to lose all of that sobriety time because of something like this. Take some action to save your sobriety. That's what I would do.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: San Diego
Posts: 611
I am so glad you posted this because I have been going through the same thing and now I relapsed after calling and calling her (and several other women in AA who said "call me anytime! Please!") and no one usually answers or calls back. I keep thinking its me but then again I am usually quiet and very friendly so I don't know what I have done to offend anyone. Get a new sponsor. I'm going to.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 3,796
Originally Posted by Threshold 
Even with all those years of recovery , your sponsor could be going through a rough patch and need to be focusing on their recovery, and needing to talk to their sponsor more often. I know my sponsor, with 23 yrs clean time, has been through that recently.
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