Very new and very lost
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 20
Very new and very lost
I've been lurking around reading old forum posts for several days then I finally decided I needed to join. This seems like a great support group. And I am in desperate need of that. Alcohol has been my number 1 priority too long. I have been sober since 11/06/12 and it has been a very trying time. I'm so lost. I have no identity without alcohol. My marriage, social life and friends all revolve around alcohol. I want to be a better person and mother and I am very focused, I just don't know how to even begin living a totally different lifestyle or even life for that matter. I wish a treatment program was at all possible, but it is not. I hope I can be strong enough. Any suggestions would be helpful. As of right now, I can't stop eating and I'm not a big fan of gaining weight. My head won't stop hurting and my stress and anxiety levels are through the roof
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Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
Welcome to SR scamp.
What you're feeling right now, the stress and anxiety, are normal. It gets better the longer you stay sober.
I ate a ton when I got sober too.
I figure the alcohol was going to kill me much more quickly than the food.
It was impossible for me to get sober and stay sober (mostly the staying part) on my own. I was very resistant to it but am now a happy member of AA. It really did change my life and I've met some amazing life-long friends. I suggest checking out a handful of meetings before you make a decision.
I felt treatment wasn't an option for me too but eventually it got so bad I had no choice. It made a huge difference for me as well.
Have you looked into outpatient treatment? I did that while I still worked full-time. It made for long days but I had to put as much effort into my recovery as I used to put into drinking.
What you're feeling right now, the stress and anxiety, are normal. It gets better the longer you stay sober.
I ate a ton when I got sober too.
I figure the alcohol was going to kill me much more quickly than the food. It was impossible for me to get sober and stay sober (mostly the staying part) on my own. I was very resistant to it but am now a happy member of AA. It really did change my life and I've met some amazing life-long friends. I suggest checking out a handful of meetings before you make a decision.
I felt treatment wasn't an option for me too but eventually it got so bad I had no choice. It made a huge difference for me as well.
Have you looked into outpatient treatment? I did that while I still worked full-time. It made for long days but I had to put as much effort into my recovery as I used to put into drinking.
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
I found it hard to envision a life without drinking, too.(i'm 6 months sober) And I had the same symptoms you're having..
I got very focused on exercise and eating well. A lot of that happened a couple of months in, though.. For the first month or so, I just had to freak out! hahaha. (seriously. there was a lot of crying, panic attacks, and sleepless nights... but that's gone now.)
I think the best bet is to just take it one day at a time, and maybe this week not worry so much about the amount you're eating.
Your body is probably trying to make up for the calories from the alcohol that it's not getting anymore.
You are strong enough.
Just take it moment by moment, and breathe through the anxiety.
Take walks.
The life without alcohol just kind of falls into place..
I just started doing different things.
Cooking, blogging, going to pumpkin farms, going to state parks, etc...
It was difficult, but I swear it gets easier.
I think each day gets me a little bit more comfortable in this new skin.
Good luck to you!
I got very focused on exercise and eating well. A lot of that happened a couple of months in, though.. For the first month or so, I just had to freak out! hahaha. (seriously. there was a lot of crying, panic attacks, and sleepless nights... but that's gone now.)
I think the best bet is to just take it one day at a time, and maybe this week not worry so much about the amount you're eating.
Your body is probably trying to make up for the calories from the alcohol that it's not getting anymore.
You are strong enough.
Just take it moment by moment, and breathe through the anxiety.
Take walks.
The life without alcohol just kind of falls into place..
I just started doing different things.
Cooking, blogging, going to pumpkin farms, going to state parks, etc...
It was difficult, but I swear it gets easier.
I think each day gets me a little bit more comfortable in this new skin.
Good luck to you!
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
Oh, and what PaperDolls said!
I talked every day with another alcoholic.
Which is basically what AA constitutes as a meeting.
I go to meetings, too.
I feel like you can find therapy in a lot of different activities/books/online resources.
This place is a bit of therapy for me, too.
I have slowly picked up more sober routine activities, as well.
It comes with time.
Sorry, babbling.
I talked every day with another alcoholic.
Which is basically what AA constitutes as a meeting.
I go to meetings, too.
I feel like you can find therapy in a lot of different activities/books/online resources.
This place is a bit of therapy for me, too.
I have slowly picked up more sober routine activities, as well.
It comes with time.
Sorry, babbling.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
Don't let a bottle of booze define who you are. welcome to SR...you will find friends and support here too. congrats on getting this far, we have ALL been on Day 3.
alcohol is empty calories with lots of sugar, your body is trying to compensate...drink a lot of water or non-caffeine beverages at first, if you are worried about the noshing, go for some cut-up fruit or baby carrots...your anxiety will ease up soon too.
you don't say how much you drank or for how long, how old you are, etc, but all of these components factor in....if you don't feel well, make a call to the doctor and tell them what you are going through (be honest, they are there to help you safely detox, not judge you).
you have taken some giant steps already!
alcohol is empty calories with lots of sugar, your body is trying to compensate...drink a lot of water or non-caffeine beverages at first, if you are worried about the noshing, go for some cut-up fruit or baby carrots...your anxiety will ease up soon too.
you don't say how much you drank or for how long, how old you are, etc, but all of these components factor in....if you don't feel well, make a call to the doctor and tell them what you are going through (be honest, they are there to help you safely detox, not judge you).
you have taken some giant steps already!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,424
I was just like you in that I lurked for a few days before joining. Couldn't imagine living a life being completely sober. Thought I'd have to give up everything and everyone that mattered to me. I found everyone I've been with has not cared that I'm not drinking. At this point I'm in such a different/better frame of mind that if someone did care that I wasn't drinking, I can see they are not the type of people I want in my life anyways. I'm living life without alcohol for 5 months right now. I was not and am not defined by drinking or not drinking. It is worth it. It is possible. You have to want it. I stayed close on here all the time. Bought tons of fancy non alcoholic drinks and made different plans around my drinking times. You gotta break the routine of your drinking habits. The more you do the better and easier it gets. You can do it! Join the class of November thread too. Joining with people who were on the same time frame as was me has been a huge help. Everyone here gets it.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by PaperDolls 
Welcome to SR scamp.
What you're feeling right now, the stress and anxiety, are normal. It gets better the longer you stay sober.
I ate a ton when I got sober too. I figure the alcohol was going to kill me much more quickly than the food.
It was impossible for me to get sober and stay sober (mostly the staying part) on my own. I was very resistant to it but am now a happy member of AA. It really did change my life and I've met some amazing life-long friends. I suggest checking out a handful of meetings before you make a decision.
I felt treatment wasn't an option for me too but eventually it got so bad I had no choice. It made a huge difference for me as well.
Have you looked into outpatient treatment? I did that while I still worked full-time. It made for long days but I had to put as much effort into my recovery as I used to put into drinking.
What you're feeling right now, the stress and anxiety, are normal. It gets better the longer you stay sober.
I ate a ton when I got sober too.
I figure the alcohol was going to kill me much more quickly than the food. It was impossible for me to get sober and stay sober (mostly the staying part) on my own. I was very resistant to it but am now a happy member of AA. It really did change my life and I've met some amazing life-long friends. I suggest checking out a handful of meetings before you make a decision.
I felt treatment wasn't an option for me too but eventually it got so bad I had no choice. It made a huge difference for me as well.
Have you looked into outpatient treatment? I did that while I still worked full-time. It made for long days but I had to put as much effort into my recovery as I used to put into drinking.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: FL
Posts: 50
Originally Posted by scamp6
I have no identity without alcohol.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by OneLessLonely
I was just like you in that I lurked for a few days before joining. Couldn't imagine living a life being completely sober. Thought I'd have to give up everything and everyone that mattered to me. I found everyone I've been with has not cared that I'm not drinking. At this point I'm in such a different/better frame of mind that if someone did care that I wasn't drinking, I can see they are not the type of people I want in my life anyways. I'm living life without alcohol for 5 months right now. I was not and am not defined by drinking or not drinking. It is worth it. It is possible. You have to want it. I stayed close on here all the time. Bought tons of fancy non alcoholic drinks and made different plans around my drinking times. You gotta break the routine of your drinking habits. The more you do the better and easier it gets. You can do it! Join the class of November thread too. Joining with people who were on the same time frame as was me has been a huge help. Everyone here gets it.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I have dumped a lot of money into professional treatment but when all was said and done. AA is the only thing that worked. I get the sense from many people that, "I want to quit drinking but I am not so bad that I need AA"
There are other ways that are on this site but using some method is almost essiental.
There are other ways that are on this site but using some method is almost essiental.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,511
It's very hard to imagine life without alcohol. I know I was so lost. But, if you just get through each day, things will start to work out for you. You will begin to find ways to deal with life and even to find a purpose for your life. Have faith in the recovery process. And, SR is my lifeline and has been for many years.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by Fandy
Don't let a bottle of booze define who you are. welcome to SR...you will find friends and support here too. congrats on getting this far, we have ALL been on Day 3.
alcohol is empty calories with lots of sugar, your body is trying to compensate...drink a lot of water or non-caffeine beverages at first, if you are worried about the noshing, go for some cut-up fruit or baby carrots...your anxiety will ease up soon too.
you don't say how much you drank or for how long, how old you are, etc, but all of these components factor in....if you don't feel well, make a call to the doctor and tell them what you are going through (be honest, they are there to help you safely detox, not judge you).
you have taken some giant steps already!
alcohol is empty calories with lots of sugar, your body is trying to compensate...drink a lot of water or non-caffeine beverages at first, if you are worried about the noshing, go for some cut-up fruit or baby carrots...your anxiety will ease up soon too.
you don't say how much you drank or for how long, how old you are, etc, but all of these components factor in....if you don't feel well, make a call to the doctor and tell them what you are going through (be honest, they are there to help you safely detox, not judge you).
you have taken some giant steps already!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by eumenides
I am certain you have a larger identity than the one alcohol has given you. In fact, you mentioned them in your post. You are a wife, mother, teacher and role model. The alcohol is simply a bad habit and you have already made the first step in changing and being the person you want to be. The simple answer is: stop drinking. Do you have a plan? I found that Day 4 was the absolute worst day for me but after Day 4, things got much, much better. Can you make it one more day? Don't you deserve it? As a parent, I know how difficult it can be sometimes to find the right time for yourself after taking care of a child, cooking dinner and other household chores, don't you deserve the right to be sober? Haven't you earned it?
Guest
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 590
Glad you are here. I trust you will find this site as helpful as I have. Lots of good people with good input here. You are not alone. Keep reading and posting as you have done. That always helps me anyway.
I am not in AA (yet) but I will go there BEFORE I ever take another drink. I agree with the others that face-to-face help like that is great and a huge help. I have just seen too many lives totally changed to believe anything else (including one in my own family). It really works! There are other programs too but local AA meetings are quite easy to find (i.e. phonebook or search online, etc)
I just want you to know you are welcome here and things can get better. Please continue to seek it out.
I am not in AA (yet) but I will go there BEFORE I ever take another drink. I agree with the others that face-to-face help like that is great and a huge help. I have just seen too many lives totally changed to believe anything else (including one in my own family). It really works! There are other programs too but local AA meetings are quite easy to find (i.e. phonebook or search online, etc)
I just want you to know you are welcome here and things can get better. Please continue to seek it out.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
that's a LOT of alcohol, especially if you are a smaller bodyweight person. you are on day 3? I know you mentioned that you don't have insurance, but if you start feeling worse, do get yourself to an emergent care center or ER.
fwiw, day 3 is hard for a lot of people...if you are sleeping it makes it a bit easier to get through the first week, you're doing great. Read and post as much as you want. No one is going to deter you or push you into anything, there is usually someone on line 24/7 and this board is well moderated.
fwiw, day 3 is hard for a lot of people...if you are sleeping it makes it a bit easier to get through the first week, you're doing great. Read and post as much as you want. No one is going to deter you or push you into anything, there is usually someone on line 24/7 and this board is well moderated.
Its_me_jen
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Salina, Ks
Posts: 8,547
My 'goal' early in sobriety was only 'go to meetings and don't drink in between'. That's all I could manage at first. I felt too overwhelmed and full of fear for much else.
Also, there are always free or low-cost options for treatment. You should look into them.
Also, there are always free or low-cost options for treatment. You should look into them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 20
Originally Posted by eumenides
I am certain you have a larger identity than the one alcohol has given you. In fact, you mentioned them in your post. You are a wife, mother, teacher and role model. The alcohol is simply a bad habit and you have already made the first step in changing and being the person you want to be. The simple answer is: stop drinking. Do you have a plan? I found that Day 4 was the absolute worst day for me but after Day 4, things got much, much better. Can you make it one more day? Don't you deserve it? As a parent, I know how difficult it can be sometimes to find the right time for yourself after taking care of a child, cooking dinner and other household chores, don't you deserve the right to be sober? Haven't you earned it?
Originally Posted by Fandy
that's a LOT of alcohol, especially if you are a smaller bodyweight person. you are on day 3? I know you mentioned that you don't have insurance, but if you start feeling worse, do get yourself to an emergent care center or ER.
fwiw, day 3 is hard for a lot of people...if you are sleeping it makes it a bit easier to get through the first week, you're doing great. Read and post as much as you want. No one is going to deter you or push you into anything, there is usually someone on line 24/7 and this board is well moderated.
fwiw, day 3 is hard for a lot of people...if you are sleeping it makes it a bit easier to get through the first week, you're doing great. Read and post as much as you want. No one is going to deter you or push you into anything, there is usually someone on line 24/7 and this board is well moderated.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
that's fairly light bodyweight to be ingesting a fifth of 80Proof vodka DAILY.
I'm glad that you stopped and I'm glad that you found us. Day 4 is fantastic progress and I hope Day 5 is fabulous. You are going to feel better and look better and save a lot of money and probably your life, relationships and sanity. What a BARGAIN!! (tongue in cheek, but i'm waving the pom-poms here)
i just cant find the emoticon.
I'm glad that you stopped and I'm glad that you found us. Day 4 is fantastic progress and I hope Day 5 is fabulous. You are going to feel better and look better and save a lot of money and probably your life, relationships and sanity. What a BARGAIN!! (tongue in cheek, but i'm waving the pom-poms here)
i just cant find the emoticon.
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