story74

Ugh! Before my ex left my son and I to starve, we were living paycheck to paycheck...I was a stay at home mom. He just left. Never asked about bills, just left. Later, in court, he never has to make back payments on bills or anything. It was ********. My father supported me and my son. They paid my rent, bought shoes, ect.... My ex never acknowledged EVER that my father did all this. In fact, after the court hearing when he was court mandated to pay child support, I handed him the itemized bills of what my father paid. EVERYTHING right there for him to see. He didn't care. In fact, he didn't pay me child support for a month because he said the courts said he didn't have to.

I have been financially struggling ever since. I have a career. I have a retirement, it has been 2 years and I am STILL relying on this POS to pay child support. Currently, he is 2 months behind on support. This money...very small amount...could get me caught up on all bills. I am so sick of robbing peter to pay paul. I am so sick of asking family for money. I am pissed. I am pissed that he shows up to his 2 hour visitation with a f@#Z$&& bat and ball to teach his son how to play baseball...meanwhile I am stressed and startving. Again, I have a college degree and I have gone back to my career. I have acknowledged that private school will be nixed next year (thanks addict) and I do see the light. BUT I AM FED UP!!!!!!

I have no contact with him. He sees his son MAYBE 2 hours a week (if he chooses), but I couldn't take it anymore and tonight I sent him an email to request that he PLEASE pay child support. I have been stressed all day thinkiing about grocerys, gas and bills. It is so unfair. It is such a wate of energy and I am so mad at myself for being in this position. But, I really have been trying hard. It is just hard trying to catch up bymyself. He hasn't even paid anything on the debt we owe (which was legally his responsiblitiy) So, now, I have to pay at least 15k off to my father and 15k off to my debt...while he does what exactly?????????

I am furious!

crazybabie

i am sorry story I know exactly what you mean sending caring hugs.

LoveMeNow

ugh, so sorry Story! It's just not fair. I would be so angry too.

But I see your future full of hope, peace and happiness. His will always be dark, seedy, and sick.

Hang in there and vent away. We are here for you!!

Jody675

i have felt so swamped by financial issues and there just never seems to be an end. but there will be. you will eventually find your out. i the meantime go find something to beat the cr*p out of. life will get better. for me i had to sell my house and get something smaller to get me out of my financial problems. it hurt, but im so glad i did. life improved greatly when i reduced my burdens, even though i loved my house, and so kid my kids.

hope you find some relief soon. hugs

BlueSkiesAgain

I'm sorry he isn't willing to take responsibility for his child.

Does he pay child support directly to you or through the courts? If it is directly to you make a point to call family court and find out exactly what needs to be done to get it taken out of his check. If he doesn't pay he can spend a few nights in jail and then he will make a point not to miss it again.

eveleivibe

Hugs story. That really is disgraceful. Ugh i hate these men that do this. I took my ex for child support n all he had to pay was £5 a week. Apparently he moaned that why should he pay this if he cant see the child. 1 if he hadnt broke the law he'd have visitation n 2 its his child so should want to pay whether he saw the child or not. Then he had another child he couldn't see so my child support was down to £2.50 a week as in this country if they aint working they pay no more than £5 between children. Winds me up, well used to.

Just have the knowledge that your son will know who has been there for him, supported him, cried with him, laughed with him. Gone through all the stresses etc etc n that's what matters when all is said n done.

These god******* men wound me up something rotton n im so sorry this has happened to you. They walk away whike we're stuck picking up the pieces.

Take care n here if you ever need to talk xxxx

supportforme

Story
So sorry you're going through this. I know exactly how you feel. exAH did not give me a dime since Aug. Our divorce was recently finalized and he did begin paying last week. He still owes me $6,000 +. You should definately look into having the courts facilitate the payments. I know in my state they will arrest them if they do not pay. Sometimes I get so mad at myself for allowing him to put us here, so to get through, I just thank God that I found the strength to stop the financial damage that his addiction was doing to us. All the money I earn now goes to me and my boys and he no longer has access. At least I stopped the bleeding. You're smart and strong, you will recover. Hang in there.

FindingErica

Sorry you are still going through this nonsense. I just don't know what to say because I am still in semi-shock from the events of this past summer and recent revelations. I think you are very strong and are still adjusting to the unbelievable shock of abandonment. It is hard to understand how someone can just stop caring about their family.

AH's support check is mysteriously not showing up and the jerk is still on my health insurance, even though he claimed he has insurance and the premium on his income and expense report. So I asked him because I want to remove him during this open enrollment period and he said he doesn't have insurance yet through his new job. That they won't give it to him unless he is divorced. Sounds like BS. Said he is claiming his premium as a future payment, more crap. So he is trying to look more strapped financially to the court while sucking off my insurance which I am paying for out of my smaller paycheck.

I'm just so sick of these uncaring jerks.

outtolunch

So many dealing with deadbeat dads........

Do your states allow you to obtain a court order to garnish wages for child support? This is common stuff in many states.

hello-kitty

Hey! I understand broke. My ex has NEVER given me a dime to help support his son. In fact, he stole thousands of dollars from me, as well as my car, my cd collection, and god knows what else.... but my resentment of him was sucking up all my energy and keeping me from resolving my issues so I had to let it go.

I met with a debt counselor (free service if you tell them you can't afford to pay them). I started listening to Dave Ramsey (google debt snowball). I started focusing on me and how to fix my situation.

Honestly, things are getting better but they are not fixed. I spend too much money. I'm not good at sticking to my budget. But at least I have the tools I need to fix my financial situation - now I just need to implement him.

If you are truly starving and worry about becoming homeless, you may want to call the St. Vincent De Paul Society and Catholic Community Services. They want to help. They WILL help.

FindingErica

I guess that is par for the course with addiction. What I have had a hard time reconciling is this person he has become, was that him all along or did he change. It is freaky to think you know someone and find out you dont know them. I acknowledge though that I have to find a way to forgive, let go and move forward irregardless of what he decides to do.

story74

Finding erica, I would totally dump him from your insurance. Wouldn't even give it a 2nd thought.

I emailed him asking him to pay. Ignore. Today he texted to verify visitation. I said ok, and asked him AGAIN to pay child support. Ignored. So, here I am at the park (visitation) watching this LOSER play with our son. Not one word about support. My threshold is so low. At this point I don't give a you know what if I say something that angers him. It is court mandated. He lied in court about his expenses. It was suppose to be garnished from his wadges, but he never followed thru...he is in a "cash" biz. Its pathetic. Just pathetic.

crazybabie

I have so much compassion for you my kids are all in their 20's but AH gives me money really sad they are not helping you.

Redapples

Haven't seen a man in here to defend himself. Or at least the male species. Must be afraid very afraid. I figure they have that procreate and move on gene. That way they can continually f*** up womens lives have us pay the bills and carry the stress of trying to keep things together, raise the kids and when they meet the next misses we are the crazy b*****s who are holding them down taking them to court and making them look bad. Oh well maybe one day we will have justice.

FindingErica

I cant, I asked the lawyer. He informed me today at mediation that the money he sends every month is to put the kids in activities, and I havent put them in horseback riding and karate yet. As though he has no responsibility to assist with their living expenses. He is only paying 16% of his income, when he is supposed to be paying 31%. Then he said I was a lazy mother because I didnt o any boyscout activities this past summer. You know this past summer of hell, when he was out of state unemployed, drugging and cheating. And I was here packing, moving, working tons of overtime to make ends meet and still oing the day to day parenting. Entitled jerk.

Your Ex sounds like a chip off the same block.

crazybabie

Erica, I am confused how can they say that part of the money is for activities if your not getting support money as well ? I always thought care for the children should become more important than activities. sorry not trying to highjack.

FindingErica

We have yet to go to court yet regarding support, so he is paying what he sees fit right now which is half of what he should be paying. In mediation today I brought up that he doesnt respond to concerns regRding the kids, one of those things being activities they are interested in. His response was why dont I already have them in those activities as he had told me to put our daughter back in horseback riding and that is why he was se ding me support checks. He totally misses the point that his support checks are to subsidizepart of the childrens living expenses because he is a parent. This is how he is, it doesnt matter how things are done, he always feels he can start dictating how things are going to go. It has been a huge problem with him in many areas. He is going to try that now with the divorce. Like now he wants the kids for thanksgiving and christmas, even though it is my year for christmas and I work Thanksgiving. He has decided he is going to pick them up on Friday, and since he is not going to have them on the actual day, he now thinks I should also give him Christmas. He is a narcissist through and through.

Redapples

I don't know why the courts would allow him to spend time with the kids when he is an addict. Are the kids old enough to understand this? Do they want to spend time with him?

As for the dictating we had a guy working with us who used coke and other drugs this man was fried. He stated he was a journeyman without his papers and felt he should be treated as such. He also thought he would write a "book" on how to lay tarp. Yes tarp the stuff you use to cover wood, or tent when it's raining etc. He wanted to take pictures of the work site and put this in his book as well. The point is he felt if it was in writing then he was dictating the procedure in how to lay tarp. lol Funny thing though he gave me some insight on cocaine told me a couple of situations where I would know if my boyfriend was using. Ofcourse he was right and the boyfriend lied through his teeth.