mark20

Hi, I'm new to this forum,

I'm 31 and have always drunk a lot since a teenager, going out a lot and partying, so I have always assiocated alcohol with having fun and social but during partying i would always have freinds for pre drinks drinks when out then after parties so lots of drinks would be drunk.

I work self employed in a city and in fashion so the older I have gotten it's not like partying or the people I know ever really stay in much,

Right now though drinking has I think gotten out of hand and everything else within my current sitution - I live/lived with my boyfriend who has moved out, we were fighting a lot and had quite a lot of big heavy fights when drunk, i'm going through a bad time work wise/money (not related to drinking)

I would not say i'm an alcoholic in the way that i wake up and want to drink or feel any addiction to get through the day, but I have very bad drinking habbits , right now i'm drinking cut down to 2 days a week but these can be quite heavy nights where once I start drinking and then go out i get wasted, a lot of the time only remember half the night and wake up feeling crap.

I don't want to have a future without drinking at all, i just want to be able to go out drink maybe just 3/4 drinks through out the night and handle myself

I was wondering what the best way to treat this or to break a cycle, i know for a fact i would not be able to do any form of group meetings as i hate public speaking, i'm thinking of one on one counsiling for alcohol but do you think this is something they can shape you with or is it really an all or nothing ?

Sazzle

I'm 37 and I have probably been in denial that I have a problem with alcohol for a while. I tried moderation for 18 months (surely I can have 3-4 drinks in an evening or a nice wine with dinner) turns out that it's true: Alcoholism is a progressive disease. It didn't work. Binges got greater, blackouts more frequent etc. you may be able to reduce and control it for a while, but it will come back with a vengeance if that is your pattern.

I'm not trying to put you off and at your age I'm sure 'forever' seems impossible. It did to me at your age. But after 6 more years of damage I'm ready to try life sober. I'm taking it one day at a time.

Good luck with whatever you decide. Keep posting & reading.

S x

Anna

Alcoholism is not defined by someone who drinks daily. Many alcoholics are binge drinkers and don't drink often. It's what happens to you when you drink that, I think, defines an alcoholic. When I drank, I changed. I became angry and emotional and I just wanted more. I hated the person I became.

If you're an alcoholic, then you won't be able to moderate your drinking. I think almost all of us here have tried to moderate and failed. It's exhausting and it often ends up in a worse position than before. In alcoholism you cross an invisible line and you can never go back.

If you don't think you're an alcoholic, then stop drinking for a fixed period, say a month, and see what happens. And, counselling or therapy could be helpful.

Thepatman

I am also one that cannot control my intake. It's full trottle or nothing for me. So I stopped problem solved ;-)

mark20

Thanks for the replies, I think I will try and get an appointment and talk things through with someone, as they are times when going out that after drinking a lot it does lead to a lot of crap and stupid fights and things that would not have happened if being sober,
right now I'm def going to take a break until I sort things out, the hard part is a big part of work is going out to parties where drinks are free and often and a lot of friends are very busy that a lot of times you can only see each other in these types of parties and places where drinking is going on so it's part of the life style that I need to change,

worst part of drinking for me right now is one its become to much when doing it and also it's leading to negitive behavour sometimes when drunk

i think i will start with seeing a counciler and also stop drinking for now until my life is more back on track relationship wise and career wise and also think will go for a liver test just to check thats all ok as well as thinking about it i have been drinking since teens until now 30 with not many long gaps inbetween and see where i'm at in a few weeks from this

Dee74

Hi and welcome Mark

Like others here I had to face the fact that alcohol and I had a toxic relationship and that was never going to change, no matter how much time I took off from drinking.

However I don't think the idea of some time off to think about things and get checked out medically and find some help and support is a bad one tho.

I wish you well and know that we're always here if you want to update us

D

Sazzle

Mark, it took me months of uncomfortable reading here before I accepted that I identified with people. I was a 'social butterfly' and according to my friends 'hilarious drunk' but its still problem drinking.

I understand that it's difficult with your work events. I'm avoiding places until I'm stronger and if I have to make an appearance I will 'be on antibiotics' or whatever I need to do to give myself some sober time. All my colleagues and friends know I'm giving up alcohol for 'No'vember as a challenge so no one is pressurising me right now.

Do what you need to do.

S x

hypochondriac

Welcome to SR Mark

There is a lot of help available in the UK which is aimed at helping people cut back their drinking. Personally I found it really frustrating because I couldn't do it. Even though I only drank in the evenings I did it every day and found it really hard to cut back and eventually stopping completely was the only way for me. But if you phone drinkline (0800 917 8282) they should be able to find a local drug and alcohol agency who can help you do what you want to do, whether that is cutting back or stopping completely.

Regarding your parties and social life where there are free drinks... how about just having really nice non alcoholic drinks. I always associated certain places and people with drinking lots but it really was just me who had the problem. I have found going out and not drinking to be really fun. It's the atmosphere and the people who make it, not the booze. Sorry if that seems a really obvious thing to say but it was a bit of a revelation for me. My excuse for not giving up drinking for years was that 'I have parties to go to' and it never really crossed my mind that I could go and just not drink.

I hope things improve for you soon and glad you are here x

artsoul

Welcome Mark!

I think we all worried about our social life or if we could really have fun if we gave up alcohol. I actually find that I have more fun now that I'm sober, although if you told me that when I was still drinking, I wouldn't have believed it.

It's actually nice not having to worry about trying to achieve a buzz without overdoing it, or wake up sick and wonder if I embarrassed myself. The best part of all is that I like myself again - it's more fun just being me.

I'm glad you're here and thinking about taking a break and talking to someone. If you do have an issue with alcohol, it's never too soon to address it.....

Delilah1

I like the "No"vember class name. I am a proud member of the Oct "sober" group!

Mark, welcome to SR. Keep reading on here and you will find many people facing the same issues that you are.

ACT10Npack

OP, have you ever thought about stop drinking for the time be and see how things goes. You know, take a break with alcohol. You can always start up drinking again if you feel to but if you think alcohol is more of a negative then a positive then stopping for the time be would be best for now.

Blondie0419

I am 31 also, and never drank daily, but drank on weekends and social situations. However I never knew when to stop. I admitted to myself last summer that I had an issue. I stopped drinking completely for about a month and then convinced myself I could drink moderately. I did ok drinking moderately for about a month. But each time I drank it became a little worse and then I woke up one morning with that dreaded feeling of not remembering everything from the night before. That is he very worst feeling and I had promised myself never again.... But here I was waking up with that terrible guilt and fear. That was it for me. I am over a month without a drink now and am happy about the thought of never drinking again, where as the first time I tried to stop I could not imagine it. I am still working through handling weekends and social situations. I have been out a few times and was able to order alcohol free drinks that looked liked drinks I would normally have. No one but me or the bar tender knew. some situations I am still working on how to deal with, some I have still avoid. Making progress though. Keep posting on here, this site has been so so helpful!

mark20

thanks for the replies and advice everyone, have been also reading through posts, I think for now drinking is def on hold and the 'anti botics' suggestion is actually great for now to use without having to go into detail with everyone I know, as I feel thats already setting myself up to fail by making a big statment to people, already found a counsiler close to me online that I'm going to call for an appointment to talk about that and also crap going on in my life right now, having big work/money worries and also relationship troubles right now so a lot of stress so actually is a perfect time to have this break as my normal behavor would be to meet friends over a drink to talk about problems , i think i'll be mentally stronger to deal with everything if I can also stop drinking right now and really focus and deal with anything thats going bad right now,

isinganyway

Mark,

I know exactly what you are going through. I am in college and have never had any serious "problems" with my drinking - only had one or two blackouts, never got in trouble or missed work, got good grades, held more than one job, etc. However I love(d) binge drinking and thought because it wasn't really affecting my life, I wasn't an alcoholic. Now I see that I drank to deal with my anxiety/depression, and that it will only get more difficult to quit as I get older.

It sounds like you have a lot of stress in your life. Maybe it would be possible to go to fewer parties? I live in New York so I know how the fashion scene is, lol, but if Marc Jacobs and Rick Owens can get sober so can you! Also, make sure that you have a few friends who love you and have fun with you even when you AREN'T drinking!!

Hang in there! I'm on day 19 and it's getting better!

isinganyway

Also, if you are a part of the lgbtq community, there are lgbtq AA groups. And you don't have to even talk at a meeting!

mark20

Hey isinganyway, yeah dealing with a lot of stress right now, and before would def had been drinking even more I guess to destress but yeah would end up making things way worse.. waiting now on an appoinment with a counsiler for one to one meetings which should be great to i guess even just talk things through with someone from a total outside judgement, sucks as 3 of my very tight close friends all just seemed to move out of the city to different places within a very close space of each other, but have been arranging to try meet up with some people who i know don't party/drink much at all
only been 5 days which gets to that werid part where your starting to feel good and healthy and seems like you havent drunk in ages.. when its only 5 days.. staying away from any temptation but have a friends birthday on sat which I guess will be a good test of where my head is at.. and if I do end up drinking i'm def planning on taking it easy, I think gonna walk before running, try to sort all stress factors in my life, most prob ending relationship and just get my head sorted, not make the mistake of before of drinking when stressed or in any form of bad mood, take myself out of the enviroment for a bit and if i do cut it back massivly and see how this goes until I at least get an appoitment date for the counsliler come through, already having these things in my mind Is I think at least making some postitive steps and doesnt seem so hard as going tee total which I wouldnt mind doing at all or working towards but think would need a lot of focus and metal strength for that and right now theres a lot of other stuff that needs that first

mark20

So had party out on the weekend and have had a real **** week but was determined to just have fun and not end up wasted as normal behavour, I did drink, i had a friend over and had couple of glasses of wine, and then at the party had one cocktail, from reading posts on here i spent the rest of the night on perrier water with lemon and it really seemed to help a lot, it looked like a cocktail, it tased nice, had something in my hand not to feel out of place and i just had fun, wasn't drunk or drinking 8/9 drinks etc as normal -
anyway feels like a good first step

Sazzle

By now you have noticed that no-one asks if you need/want a drink if you have one in hand. It's a trick I used this weekend for friends 40th birthday shenanigans. Drank cranberry juice Friday night in the pub and elderflower 'bubbly' in the restaurant Saturday. Noone questioned my choices.

I find it much less of a brain ache not to have to moderate/count alcohol. AND even a couple of wines or cocktails left me with a thick head.

I don't want to come over all 'born again' but it's blimmin marvellous having zero alcohol and waking up perky. And I've ditched the diet club too! Weight's slowly reversing.

Well done on a moderate night. Now take that next step, you only have to go throught the tough first few days once (and it is tough, even if you're 'just' a binge drinker).

S x