Zero Joy or Emotion on day 33
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Zero Joy or Emotion on day 33
I thought a couple of weeks ago life was turning around and now I wonder what is happening. I am just here. That's it! I just want to be left alone to sit by myself and eat, mostly sugary things. I can't wait for the days to be over. I am not craving alcohol, at least I don't think I am, I am just so down. I feel like a lazy zombie. I am lifeless and depressed. I have read up on PAWS and can't imagine that I could be like this for months or years. I do have a therapist. Any words of anything would be much appreciated. I think the sugar is not helping but I have to have it. I have never been a person who pigs out or likes sweets overly. I wonder who this is.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
After day 30, thats still really early. What you are describing, although it really sucks, is NOT unusual.
Try to exercise, slowly wean yourself off the sweets. Go have coffee with a friend, see a movie. Start establishing more non drinking habits.
You wont have this for years.
Some of us have underlying depression and other issues that were covered up.
But for the most part, your brain has to do a BIG reset.
All those years of drinking take time to undo.
Reading "under the influence" by Milam describes the physical changes well, so you can understand what is happening to you on a cellular level.
Trust me, it gets better.
Try to exercise, slowly wean yourself off the sweets. Go have coffee with a friend, see a movie. Start establishing more non drinking habits.
You wont have this for years.
Some of us have underlying depression and other issues that were covered up.
But for the most part, your brain has to do a BIG reset.
All those years of drinking take time to undo.
Reading "under the influence" by Milam describes the physical changes well, so you can understand what is happening to you on a cellular level.
Trust me, it gets better.
Phoenix.
Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: The Brew.
Posts: 117
You sound exactly like me!
There's a thing about putting a ton of alcohol in our systems for so long that our bodies start to crave the sugars when it's gone. (or so i've heard)
I never used to like sweets, either.
This morning, I woke up at 4am and tossed a Hershey's kiss into my mouth and went back to sleep. What the?
I think we go in phases in early sobriety.. Trying to get our footing.. Recognizing feelings.. Riding them out.
I had some serious PAWS stuff happening for a few months, but going for walks, and just forcing myself to do different activities helped bunches.
I read that it could last months and months, and sometimes years.. But mine didn't last that long. It was over before I knew it. One day, I just realized I wasn't crying, and my panic attacks had dissipated.
I don't remember a lot of stuff in detail from those months, but I keep telling my friends that I was crazy this summer.. They were still around, and thought I hid it well?
I didn't think I was hiding anything.. I thought I was openly a mess.
Rambling.
Sorry.. My advice to you is to just keep moving. Force yourself to do things, even though your mind can't get a grip? Even if it's little things, like baking a cake(which is probably not a good idea!! hahaha) or some crafty thing..
Get out in the sunshine!
I decided to become a "yes" woman.
If people asked me to do things that would get me out of the house, I said yes.
Hope that helps.
I promise it won't last forever!!
There's a thing about putting a ton of alcohol in our systems for so long that our bodies start to crave the sugars when it's gone. (or so i've heard)
I never used to like sweets, either.
This morning, I woke up at 4am and tossed a Hershey's kiss into my mouth and went back to sleep. What the?
I think we go in phases in early sobriety.. Trying to get our footing.. Recognizing feelings.. Riding them out.
I had some serious PAWS stuff happening for a few months, but going for walks, and just forcing myself to do different activities helped bunches.
I read that it could last months and months, and sometimes years.. But mine didn't last that long. It was over before I knew it. One day, I just realized I wasn't crying, and my panic attacks had dissipated.
I don't remember a lot of stuff in detail from those months, but I keep telling my friends that I was crazy this summer.. They were still around, and thought I hid it well?
I didn't think I was hiding anything.. I thought I was openly a mess.
Rambling.
Sorry.. My advice to you is to just keep moving. Force yourself to do things, even though your mind can't get a grip? Even if it's little things, like baking a cake(which is probably not a good idea!! hahaha) or some crafty thing..
Get out in the sunshine!
I decided to become a "yes" woman.
If people asked me to do things that would get me out of the house, I said yes.
Hope that helps.
I promise it won't last forever!!
Sober since October
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: In the world in my eyes...Somewhere I've never been before...
Posts: 7,355
Hi, Missingtheoldme.
I can recognize myself in what you are describing. But this used to happen to me before I decided to rule out alco from my life. Just some day, absolutely out of the blue, and Ifelt like the world is nothing but some lousy place, and there will be no ray of light at the end of the tunnel.
I pigged out on chocolate, tries to "cheer up" myself in every possible way. Never worked. For me the trick was to let myself to be an emotionless lazy zomby for some time. For a day. Just do not think about anything, disctract yourself from all thougts, let you be in blue moods. There is no obligation to feel like million bucks all the time. If there are no some serious issues involved, this day is gone, and the next morning it's ok. I think, it is sometimes somewhat like computer - too many things running, and it slows down, the hard drive needs to be cleaned, reloaded. And then it works well again.
Have a good day.
I can recognize myself in what you are describing. But this used to happen to me before I decided to rule out alco from my life. Just some day, absolutely out of the blue, and Ifelt like the world is nothing but some lousy place, and there will be no ray of light at the end of the tunnel.
I pigged out on chocolate, tries to "cheer up" myself in every possible way. Never worked. For me the trick was to let myself to be an emotionless lazy zomby for some time. For a day. Just do not think about anything, disctract yourself from all thougts, let you be in blue moods. There is no obligation to feel like million bucks all the time. If there are no some serious issues involved, this day is gone, and the next morning it's ok. I think, it is sometimes somewhat like computer - too many things running, and it slows down, the hard drive needs to be cleaned, reloaded. And then it works well again.
Have a good day.
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
I just bet you there was a ton of sugar in your drink of choice. Your body is just used to getting large doses of sugar and so you are making up for it. You do not get a beer belly from the Hopps
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Thanks everyone for your help..I dont feel alone or nuts...I feel for you all too...my drink of choice was just straight vodka or gin really so no sugar as there is 0 carbs in those as I didnt mix it. So dont think I am replacing lost sugar. I will try forcing myself....it is so tough though. 
always appreciated for you guys taking the time to help me. hug
always appreciated for you guys taking the time to help me. hug
A Day at a Time
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Grand Rapids MI
Posts: 6,435
Originally Posted by missingtheoldme 
Thanks everyone for your help..I dont feel alone or nuts...I feel for you all too...my drink of choice was just straight vodka or gin really so no sugar as there is 0 carbs in those as I didnt mix it. So dont think I am replacing lost sugar. I will try forcing myself....it is so tough though. always appreciated for you guys taking the time to help me. hug
always appreciated for you guys taking the time to help me. hugAdministrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,513
Congratulations on 33 days sober! Good for you!
My take on this would be to ask you what changes you've made in your life besides stopping drinking? Stopping drinking is essential, but it's just the beginning. It's the changes you make in your life, from the inside out, that will sustain your recovery. I felt flat, too in the early weeks. I decided early on to get out every evening for a long walk. This helped me on so many levels. I started to reconnect with nature and appreciate my surroundings. Sometimes my husband walked with me and we really talked - no cell phones, etc, just talking. I began to feel healthier and stronger.
My take on this would be to ask you what changes you've made in your life besides stopping drinking? Stopping drinking is essential, but it's just the beginning. It's the changes you make in your life, from the inside out, that will sustain your recovery. I felt flat, too in the early weeks. I decided early on to get out every evening for a long walk. This helped me on so many levels. I started to reconnect with nature and appreciate my surroundings. Sometimes my husband walked with me and we really talked - no cell phones, etc, just talking. I began to feel healthier and stronger.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
SOmething I read on these boards that was helpful.
If you are feeling frustrated, remember, It WILL get better.
If it didn't you wouldn't see people with years and years of sobriety, we'd all throw in the towel at a certain point.
If you are feeling frustrated, remember, It WILL get better.
If it didn't you wouldn't see people with years and years of sobriety, we'd all throw in the towel at a certain point.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Washington, Captiol City
Posts: 70
Missing, I think that sometimes we all forget that people who have never touched alco or drugs also have crazy days (or weeks), strange quirks depression and anxiety. Yes, it comes and goes more often for us, but please dont automatically blame it on your previous substance abuse. All that does is create more sadness and self loathing. This will pass!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 143
Again thank you so much...you all make so much sense and make me feel so much better. Anna...I think that might be part of my problem...I havent changed anything else and perhaps I need to..just not sure how to. Newtorecovery...thank you so much for your touching post it meant a lot. You have had your share of ups and downs and I am so happy to hear in them that you are doing better. I am touched you appreciated some words I gave to you. I am happy they helped. Hugs to all and cheers to another day of sobriety with or without chocolate 
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