ChooChooTrain

Been around a week or a little more since last time I did coke. Emotional rollercoaster has passed, or so it seems. I don’t want to say I’m “cured” but I do feel a whole lot better than before. This time it seems my chances of not relapsing again are much greater, and hopefully it’ll stay that way. Moving out of the condo and into a house was actually a great idea. Now I’m happy I had no luck with renting the house out. Granted, it’s not as luxurious and fancy as the condo, it does come with an acre of land...and I just couldn’t be happier. It’s very relaxing. Anyhow, just wanted to thank all of you who wished me well the first time I tried to quit. Your kind words have helped me tremendously. Also, I wish the very best to the next person trying to quit coke, or any other drug for that matter.
Kindly,
CCT

Dee74

Good to see you back and sounding better CCT

D

ChooChooTrain

Thanks, Dee!

Bah, nightmares are getting worse.

I'm outside. Walking the streets of an unknown city, it's dark and misty. I'm trying to find my friend. I just know he lives in one of those buildings close by. No matter what, I can't seem to reach them. Scenery around me changes, except those damned buildings which I cannot come close to. Something is following me. I can feel it watching me, yet I have no idea from where. I'm trying to stay calm and pretend like all is fine. But the fear is getting tougher to deal with. There are weird sounds, foot steps, shadows; I try to get closer in hope of some company and perhaps safety. I can't find the source, I'm always one step behind. It's still watching me from somewhere, following me. I'm running as fast as I can. Voices of every day street conversation are so real, but nobody is actually speaking them - there is nobody except from me and this thing. This scary thing that I know nothing of other than it's toying with me. No matter how fast I run, I end up at the same place. I feel it getting closer and closer. Then, it's all silent. As if this creature has killed it all off. No conversations, no shadows. Just the two of us. I have nowhere to hide; nowhere to go. Yet, I'm running, oh so fast. The buildings are then very far away. I see them, but not in great detail as before. Suddenly, I fall down, but it feels like minutes before hitting the ground. Unable to move, fear and panic are killing me. It's even closer, I feel it bumping into me, yet I see nothing. Totally paralyzed, I still can't move. Then, an out of this world, awful, screech. A cloud of smoke is coming my way at an insane speed. Before it hits me, I wake up. I'm so sweaty, scared, yet relieved. Just a dream.

If it's not the unknown chasing me around, it's an old disfigured person looking at me through a window. If it's not that either, it's me doing coke.

Any advice? When I do wake up, my heart is pounding so hard I can feel and hear it in my ears.
All that stress can't be good. During some nightmares I cry my eyes out, to the point where I change the pillows after waking up and first reassuring myself it was a dream. My sleeping patterns randomly change.

All the dreams have been crystal clear, realer than life itself - and much worse than I'm able to describe.

However, this can't last forever, and no way I'll be doing coke again just for the sake of getting rid of this.

FMTT

Hang in there ChooChoo. It will get much better. Take it from an old crack head. Just don't be drivin' that train.....high on cocaine. Sorry. I was never a Deadhead but I couldn't resist.

ChooChooTrain

Thanks, FMTT. Nightmares I can deal with it...during the day. The one thing that's making me a little crazy is my sudden solitude. I figure if I go out I will automatically go back to square one. Which may, or may not be true. Best to be safe, at least for now.
Bah... I need a vacation, from myself.