Intro
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4
Intro
Almost 10 years ago I was sick with a Lyme infection. I was taking High doses of at least 3 different kinds of antibiotics at a time which were switched up every 3 months to 1 year. Sometimes, people never get better.
The pains and discomforts were both physical and mental. After I started abx treatment, the anxiety was so bad I didn't eat and I couldn't even nod off for a couple minutes. I was like that for the first 3 or 4 days despite all the Xanax I wanted. The aches, pain in the joints etc were so bad I was on the verge of crying out. The symptoms vary widely in quantity and quality which make it hard to diagnose.
When I was told that I would likely feel this way for 6 months to a year or more, my concerns about using opiate based pain relievers were out the window. I didn't care about anything very much at that point. I just wanted it to be over.
I already new how exquisite opiates could make you feel as I had used them short term for pre and post-OP surgeries. I was far from having the motivation to go drug seeking or find a vein on my own for the 1st time though. Getting sick with Lyme and learning my prognosis started a chain of events that changed that.
I started with Suboxone and anecdotally, switched out the Xanax for Valium which actually helped a little. Then I went on to Vikes and before I knew it, I was insufflating Dilaudid and Morphine. It sounds extreme when I think about it, but it allowed me to start working again after a few months.
The disease went on for about 3 to 3 and 1/2 years. I think IV ing 1-3 grams of Rocephin a day for a year really cured me....of the Lyme bacteria that is.
I was left with a severe daily requirement of opiates. Through the years of chasing this need, running out of meds way too early in the month, turning to black market pills, heroin...I kept telling myself I had to use opiates. Otherise how could I keep my career alive? I kept telling myself I was weaning too, but I was sinking deeper and deeper.
The other day I went to grab another Fentanyl patch out if the drawer cuz I felt WD's. I realized I had WAY less left than I should, but I lifted my shirt anyway and saw I already had 4 of them on...x 75mcg/hr.
I have 2 weeks left before I can get more, so I "borrowed" 120 vikes from a friend. This is day 3 and I simply can't get enough hydrocodone in my system to stop the WD's. I'm saving my last fentanyl patch until Tuesday, so I can get thru my work week. Even though its not even close to enough, I might be able to feel better when I take the vicodin.
I've withdrawn several times over the years. I've even gone thru acute precipitated WD twice. I don't think anyone should experience that.
I'm just petrified of going through that again. I'm also too scared of losing my job/career....I feel like it's about all I have left.
I think I have to face it real soon.
The pains and discomforts were both physical and mental. After I started abx treatment, the anxiety was so bad I didn't eat and I couldn't even nod off for a couple minutes. I was like that for the first 3 or 4 days despite all the Xanax I wanted. The aches, pain in the joints etc were so bad I was on the verge of crying out. The symptoms vary widely in quantity and quality which make it hard to diagnose.
When I was told that I would likely feel this way for 6 months to a year or more, my concerns about using opiate based pain relievers were out the window. I didn't care about anything very much at that point. I just wanted it to be over.
I already new how exquisite opiates could make you feel as I had used them short term for pre and post-OP surgeries. I was far from having the motivation to go drug seeking or find a vein on my own for the 1st time though. Getting sick with Lyme and learning my prognosis started a chain of events that changed that.
I started with Suboxone and anecdotally, switched out the Xanax for Valium which actually helped a little. Then I went on to Vikes and before I knew it, I was insufflating Dilaudid and Morphine. It sounds extreme when I think about it, but it allowed me to start working again after a few months.
The disease went on for about 3 to 3 and 1/2 years. I think IV ing 1-3 grams of Rocephin a day for a year really cured me....of the Lyme bacteria that is.
I was left with a severe daily requirement of opiates. Through the years of chasing this need, running out of meds way too early in the month, turning to black market pills, heroin...I kept telling myself I had to use opiates. Otherise how could I keep my career alive? I kept telling myself I was weaning too, but I was sinking deeper and deeper.
The other day I went to grab another Fentanyl patch out if the drawer cuz I felt WD's. I realized I had WAY less left than I should, but I lifted my shirt anyway and saw I already had 4 of them on...x 75mcg/hr.
I have 2 weeks left before I can get more, so I "borrowed" 120 vikes from a friend. This is day 3 and I simply can't get enough hydrocodone in my system to stop the WD's. I'm saving my last fentanyl patch until Tuesday, so I can get thru my work week. Even though its not even close to enough, I might be able to feel better when I take the vicodin.
I've withdrawn several times over the years. I've even gone thru acute precipitated WD twice. I don't think anyone should experience that.
I'm just petrified of going through that again. I'm also too scared of losing my job/career....I feel like it's about all I have left.
I think I have to face it real soon.
Not Alone
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: South East UK
Posts: 1,513
Welcome to SR Jimmy,
I would recommend seeing a Dr as it sounds like you are getting about a step away from severe withdrawal on a regular basis. If you go and see a Dr that specialises in addiction treatments then you will be surprised at the options open to you. It may be a staged withdrawal, detox, who knows. But it's gotta be better than self-medicating.
Natom.
I would recommend seeing a Dr as it sounds like you are getting about a step away from severe withdrawal on a regular basis. If you go and see a Dr that specialises in addiction treatments then you will be surprised at the options open to you. It may be a staged withdrawal, detox, who knows. But it's gotta be better than self-medicating.
Natom.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4
Thank You,
I definitely want to see someone. I want to go to Subutex 1st though and I don't want a Dr. that's going to fight me the whole way.
Its going to be difficult to make it from now until then though. I'm hurtin' pretty good right now. Reading about others that are or were in the same boat is helpful.
I definitely want to see someone. I want to go to Subutex 1st though and I don't want a Dr. that's going to fight me the whole way.
Its going to be difficult to make it from now until then though. I'm hurtin' pretty good right now. Reading about others that are or were in the same boat is helpful.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 4
I switched to oral fentanyl for about 2 weeks, so when I was ready to induce, I could reach full WD very quickly. On 11/15/2012, I waited as long as I could before I took the suboxone.
When I took the Suboxone, I just locked up in withdrawl. It was so bad....Last nite was the 1st time I was able to even fall asleep.
Funny, I just couldn't handle the pain anymore so I took about 30mgs methadone while on suboxone. It worked like magic. My WD's were almost 100% gone in 30 minutes. I still had enough opiate receptors left for methadone to affect its changes.
I've reversed precipiteted WD on 1 occasion with a huge piece of a fentanyl patch-orally.
In any event, a dozen years of this crap and I'm done. It's only day 7, but I just can't see myself going back. I'll have to see how my pain is when I'm completely off subs also.
After I slept last nite, I feel like I turned a corner. It's nice.
When I took the Suboxone, I just locked up in withdrawl. It was so bad....Last nite was the 1st time I was able to even fall asleep.
Funny, I just couldn't handle the pain anymore so I took about 30mgs methadone while on suboxone. It worked like magic. My WD's were almost 100% gone in 30 minutes. I still had enough opiate receptors left for methadone to affect its changes.
I've reversed precipiteted WD on 1 occasion with a huge piece of a fentanyl patch-orally.
In any event, a dozen years of this crap and I'm done. It's only day 7, but I just can't see myself going back. I'll have to see how my pain is when I'm completely off subs also.
After I slept last nite, I feel like I turned a corner. It's nice.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Jimmy)) - I'm sorry, but unless you want to stay on the massive doses of opiates, you are going to have to go through withdrawals. I abused opiates for quite a while, built up a huge tolerance, darn near killed myself with them.
A good doctor won't "fight you" but they may tell you what you don't want to hear. I was a nurse, before my addiction ended that career. The "cocktails" of drugs you are using really worries me. FWIW, I was abusing pretty much everything you did, I'm going on 6 years in recovery and getting off the drugs didn't kill me, though it was no fun. Had I continued, I probably wouldn't be here today.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
A good doctor won't "fight you" but they may tell you what you don't want to hear. I was a nurse, before my addiction ended that career. The "cocktails" of drugs you are using really worries me. FWIW, I was abusing pretty much everything you did, I'm going on 6 years in recovery and getting off the drugs didn't kill me, though it was no fun. Had I continued, I probably wouldn't be here today.
Hugs and prayers,
Amy
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