Rennips

I was recently introduced to shooting up pills and I can't stop its worse than orally taking them. I want to stop but I don't know how. I was in the er for trying to cut out an abscess and I want to stop but I can't. Is this ever going to end or will it end me? I always get so depressed after shooting up too because I feel like a junky piece of ****. I have a wife and kid whom I love and I feel like I am a piece of **** to them by sticking a needle in my arm. Does anyone ever get suicidal thoughts after using? I have severe depression as well and don't take pills for it because the only anti depressant that works(paxil cr and I have tried over 32 different anti depressants) is an ssri which I take adderall for work shift disorder and adhd and I cannot combine the two. I was taking nuvigil but after day 3 I was getting suicidal thoughts worse than I ever had before and one night I decided to try to kill myself. I took 27 oxycontin 80's, 52 aspirin and 60 clonidine. My loving wife immediately called 911 when I walked out of the bedroom and she saw the pill bottles empty on the floor and I went into the bathroom and fell down. After my doctor learned of what happened because my wife called him immediately(he doesn't prescribe me oxycontin but does prescribe me roxicodone). He switched me immediately. My wife didn't tell him I was taking oxycontin but that I had overdosed on a bunch of otc's and the only new thing I started taking was the nuvigil for adhd (never take nuvigal that stuff is ****). Does anyone else who use to use or still uses get so depressed after using that you feel like a piece of **** or that someone else deserves your life and you don't deserve your own? I hate using and I want to get clean but I don't know where to begin. I even talked to my dr about getting off the roxy but he told me to just keep taking it as prescribed for a little bit and we will develop a plan. I hate this so bad. I only got hooked on stupid pills because I did have chronic knee and back pain and use to use them as prescribed till they stopped working. So we upped me to a higher dose, then it was from lortab to percocet, and then to roxy. I am almost ready to ask to take dilaudid 4 mg's because the dose is almost as strong if not a lil stronger than roxy 10's and the withdrawal doesn't last as long but is more intense. I called my insurance company and they might make a special case for me to see an addiction specialist to get help and get on suboxone but I don't want to replace one addiction for another. I use to be a meth junky when I was 17-18 and I was slamming that and one day I quit cold turkey and the worst withdrawal I got was I beat the **** out of someone or I would cry for a couple of hours. But I was single back then too and didn't have a little girl. I feel so ****** when she is around and I lock myself in the bedroom or the bathroom and use. I feel like a piece of ****. I don't know what would be better to start opiate replacement therapy or switch to the dilaudid and wean myself down which my doctor told me once I started weaning off I wouldn't ever have cravings. My little girl deserves a father not a ******* junky piece of ****. Where do I begin?

Lenina

Rennips,

hello. I don't have personal experience with that but I really recommend you see about getting into an inpatient rehab. It saved me. Youll be in a safe place where you can detox safely and learn about addiction and ways to stay clean and sober.

I think it's really your best option. Get well so your little girl can grow up to know her Dad and how much he loves her.

Please let us know how you're doing.

Love from Lenina

eveleivibe

Wow you're really hard on yourself there. Have you read that back n seen how many times you put yourself down? What about the positives. You are wanting to stop, asking for helping in doing this n saying you wanting to be there for your little girl. Concentrate on that n getting the help for yourself. You're not a piece of ****. You're someone who's made somebad choices n wants to put them right. You overcame meth, right? I've been told thats pretty hard to give up so you can do this with support. I don't think by going on sub you'll be replacing an addiction as i think they monitor you (others can correct me if i'm wrong). It will just be a way of stablising you without severe w/s n then you'll taper off.

In fact this can be a positive experience as once you've beat this you'll be the father you wish to be n can tell youre girl how you overcame it n maybe help others?

Good luck n keep posting

finaltime

Get some help and fast. Sounds like you want to get help, so make it happen. You have a son to live for. Hang in there, and NO MORE SHOOTING UP.

aquasport13

ICANDOIT is right- and your not a loser, you are one several million people around the world fighting some sort of demon. Our little demon is just a lttle more dangerous than the one who pushes someone to eat too much ice cream (unless diabetic! . If you can, do in-patient. Also- keep on this board OFTEN!! I need the reminder a couple times of day. You have done the tough part- admitting you have a problem- now the rest is in your hands to make smart choices to better your life. I am on day 10- and it gets better!!

Impurrfect

((Rennips)) - I agree with the above - you are NOT a loser, you are here asking for help. Though crack was my DOC (drug of choice), I went through a long period of abusing the he!! out of opiates before that. I, too, shot up. For me, I was addicted to the ritual of using the needle almost as much as the opiates.

That being said, I did quit. I don't know WHY, but I didn't go through withdrawals, just quit (lost access..long story). It took a while before seeing someone injecting insulin didn't throw my brain for a loop....the damned needle.

SR has been a HUGE part of my recovery, but I also agree you may want to check into rehab.

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

kthopkt

I was shocked to read this post because you had commented on one of my post about a painful past and sobriety. I thought you were on the road to recovery but I think you were probably relating experience from your past crystal meth use.

I agree with one of the earlier users in that you could benefit from in-patient care. I truly believe you could use some support right now. You sound like a very strong person & I know you can beat this. All of us on here are supporting you...don't be afraid to reach out for help! Don't be so hard on yourself, I think it is a very good sign that you have a conscience & that you are aware of what is going on.

I will be thinking of you...I know you can beat this.

Lyoness

I've been injecting pills too, for a couple of years. I understand the attraction of it and impurrfect is right, it's the whole ritual that is addictive. But, you can stop. And I echo what others said, too, you are NOT a loser. You're here asking for help.

I just started suboxone. After reading and thinking I decided that was best for me. Give my body and mind some time to come off slowly and get a handle on this addiction thing. Maybe that might be a path you want to try, too.

In any case, talk to your doctor, find someone you trust and talk to them. stay here and post on SR. Help is available!

Please take good care!