markk214

Hi All,

I have finally decided it is time to trend my life updward. I am really in a bad place. I am a 42 year old man who has been abusing opiates for a couple of years. The past few months I have gone nuts. I have gone from a 10-20mg a day hydro addiction to 40-50mg hydro and 30mg oxy. 1 hour ago I took my last 1/4 tablet of 30mg roxy (7.5). I still have some hydrocodone pills left and plan to taper with those. I have one more 30mg oxy. I am going to try not to take that as I have already tapered off of oxy and quickly.

My question. Is thoughts of despair and doom and wondering if you will ever feel like a human again normal? I know that I have to pay for me use and go through the misery of WD. My plan is to be off oxy for a week before tackling the hydrocodone issue. I am going to try ang stay at 4-5 norco a day for this week then start tapering off of that as well. But I am already feeling emotionally icky.

I do have a counselor that I just started seeing and will see him Monday.

But, at this moment in time I feel like garbage. I know people overcome these addictions. But, I also know that for a week or two life just sucks physically and emotionally. Knowing that and going through it are two different things. When you are in the middle of WD life sure seems like it will never be right and happy again.

Ok. Rant over.

kthopkt

I am thinking of you & wish you the best of luck! I don't have a ton of advise but I pray that you continue your mission to get well. It will get better in time. Don't give up!

milroy

For the first two weeks your body will feel awful. You probably will not be able to sleep. It should be expected that you will feel worse than you ever have before. For me, after 2 solid weeks, your body should start to make a comeback. It has been stressed and begins to repair itself. This was a tough time for me.
Mentally, it's hell for at least a month.
Fight hard
Im not sure about the tapering thing. I tried that once and it made it more difficult. I would assume that it prolongs the torture. The sooner you stop all, the quicker the recovery I think.

markk214

Here is what makes it more difficult for me.
My wife and family would be of zero support. I can't broach this subject with them. I basically have to do this on my own with zero support. Only support I have is basically my counselor. This site and two other folks that are trying to quit as well.

At this particular point in time I can't consider rehab or even AA.. Those have to be last resort type thoughts.

Thank you KT for your well wishes.

Milroy. I am thinking about CT. Just don't know if it is dangerous to go from the level I am at to zero. If I can stay off oxy for a week. Then maybe agressively taper down/stop hydro and just push through it.

I certainly feel like a complete moron for allowing this to happen and CHOOSING to be an addict.

milroy

How many hydros do you have?

Chrisy

I got off oxycodone in April.

Welcome to S/R. You are in the right place. We support you and will encourage you all we can.

I did it cold turkey. Yes, I felt terrible. I couldn't sleep, I was in pain, and couldn't eat anything..

I drank lots of water to get the poison out of my body faster. For about two weekes I drank nothing but water and a little fresca. Ate only yogart and bananas as they are healthy for me and I could keep them down. Just listen to your body. You will be uncomfortable, but you can make it through.

One thing that help was posting on this forum and making a journal of my withdrawals as not only did it help me, but it helped others who were also going through withdrawals at the same time. We supported each other. Were there for each other. This is an online forum, but it saved my life.

Get lots of movies to watch and have some music to listen to, as it will help take your mind off how lousy you feel.

We are not bad people because our bodies got addicted to opiates. We are good people who have a future once we overcome and get through the withdrawals of the drugs in our system. We still will have to work daily to stay off the opiates, but taking it one day at a time and doing what is needed to stay clean, we do have a good future out there.

We can make it to the better life that we deserve.

Good luck

Chrisy

Freedom1990

Hey Mark, I just want to wish you well and let you know I understand those early days of withdrawal in recovery.

For me, I had to get support through NA and AA (long-term recovering alcoholic too). Doing it on my own never worked.

There is hope, my friend. If a former junkie/alkie like me can find recovery and stick with it, it's possible for anyone.

I celebrated 22 years clean/sober in August. If that isn't a miracle, I don't know what is.

Hugs of support to you!

Toss

I am sober for 14 days from drinking a 12 pack a night, I can't answer you from a drug perspective, but I can tell you this - it is normal to feel like the world is ending and to beat yourself up for being in this position (I know first hand). Sorry you have no in person support (other than your counselor), but you can still do it.

Ironically, you have to feel bad (coming off the drugs) to feel good and to heal.

Stay on SR and read and talk, it really will help.

Stay strong,

Toss

markk214

I have quite a few norco left. Not sure of the exact count.

I made it through the day on just hydro and not a crazy nuts amount of it.

Maybe I am nuts but that feels like a small victory.

Thank you all for your responses. At the very least I certainly do not feel alone in this. Oddly there is some comfort in knowing I am not the first nor the last person to go through this.

Freedom. 22 YEARS?!? Hats off my friend. That is awesome.

milroy

No offense,
but that's not a big deal (a day with a belly full of norcos).
You said it yourself, a small victory. I like your idea of having a few of those to get down, but do not consider this a start to your recovery. Maybe, a step in the right direction, but when you quit the norcos, I think that's the REAL start of new times.
Keep up the progress....
Dump those norcos asap.
If you work, I'd quit about Wednesday night. Try and hold your **** together until the weekend, and "come down with the flu" for the next week or two, or three if possible.
Peace

looking4oldme

UGH!!

I think if it is a big deal for you, and it gives you something postive to look at, and you feel as if your moving forward then thats wonderful!

I myself wouldnt be able to do that because I have a very manipulative demon on my shoulder.. He would be telling me to take a whole lot of norcos to make up for the oxy.


I do think it would be best for you to come off both at the same time.. to me it seems you'd just be prolonging your symptoms, but I have heard of people doing it the way you are.

and to you Milroy, I dont think we are here to Bash people and try to make them feel like if they are not doing it your way then they are not doing it the right way.

milroy

Not. Just my experience. It's a ****** forum. If u wanna take Norcos and be sober, you're not there.,that's all. It's the same drug:/
To mark,
If you can get by on those pills, you can wd.
It's sure gonna suck, but if you are down to that, you can come off without hellish consequences.
I quit oxy one week and Xanax the next. It was brutal. That's why I feel strongly about a taper including addictive drugs...that's all.
Let us know how u are...
Peace

markk214

I know they are both opiates. HOWEVER, I was taking 30-45mg of oxy and 60-70mg of hydro. I am now at 36 hours of only hydro (still 60-70). I do feel it. IT sucks, but certainly not unbearable.

Right, wrong or in between. I really don't want to do a nose dive in to WD. If I can make it as soft a landing as possible why not do that? Surely tapering to 10mg a day and then quitting would have to be a less traumatic experience then just CT'ing 45 and 70 of two different opiates.

Milroy,

I see you are in Hawaii. What part? I own a timeshare at Ko Olina on Oahu

milroy

Aloha Mark,
Im on Maui.
Are you still proceeding as planned?
Man, you will not believe how awesome the water and sun feel when you get off that stuff! You should try and make a trip asap!
Feel better soon bra!

markk214

Yea. Still on track
Have a trip planned in April/may. Two nights in Maui and then 7 on Kauai. Have been to Hawaii 6 times since 04.

See any tsunami waves today? Understand there were some 5 footers as a result of the BC quake

markk214

I slipped. I still had half of a 30mg roxi left. So. I took it rather than flushing it. What is interesting. After none for a couple of days. This 15mg hit me like a train. I mean it was actually an uncomfortable feeling. Is that normal? I could not imagine people who take 2 or 3 of those 30mg oxy's at once. WOW! Maybe it is a good thing that it was too much. IT was not enjoyable.

milroy

It's true! I found one in my car on my last attempt. Unfortunately, I did enjoy it and it sent me into a tailspin for the next three months
Now that I've been clean for a month and some, it sounds lame, but I feel soo much better. Not just better than the wds, but better than pill life.
I used to get anxiety, now the hardest things seem easier. I can't even believe it!

Yea, tsunami was rumored to hit maui, but the surf is like 10' and it was at night, so I didn't see any change but I saw last time and it was really weird!

finaltime

Just reading through, and wishing you all the luck in the world. I also used to use the lighter mg pills to make my attempt to quit softer, as you put it the landing not so rough. It did work for me a few times, and when I would actually be done, I would think, "wow that wasn't so bad." Considering I have done cold turkey once from taking over 100mg's per day. However, for me I had to feel that had beat down sickness to really learn, and finally I got sick of it. I pray for you the best.

And I love HAWAII. I am in Shanghai, China now and wish I could see the sun, a wave, maybe even a tree! We are planning out next adventure to live somewhere closer to the water. We shall see. Maybe Phuket, Thailand.

Hang in there, all of you.