Janis

So I told my two close friends that I was going into outpatient which they were shocked to hear and one friend was legitimately freaking out. Well it's one of their birthdays and we're supposed to all go out on Friday. Ummmm, hello?!?! AND they are wanting to start out at like 9 or 10pm.

First off I cannot be put into a bar scene right now. Second off I have therapy early in the morning. When this was mentioned my friend replied, "well I thought therapy was every other week and I didn't know that you were not drinking going forward already". REALLY?!?!

It's not they are bad people but they really aren't understanding. And further more as my man friend said, "you don't have to get hammered with someone to show that you care". I am going to have to talk to them but this was just frustrating because it was hard to tell them about the outpatient and now I feel they aren't taking it seriously. I think they are scared to lose me as a drinking buddy.

Natom

I found out very early in recovery that not many people understand us at all. And that's not their fault. They only have a misunderstanding because they don't have any experience. The way I dealt with it was to find out who my true friends were by seeing who respected my wishes to stop using and drinking. Once they had all been put through a colander I was left with the best ones.

PippoRossi

Janis ~ Don't fault them. What I have found is that the only people who understand my problems with alcohol are those who have the same, exact issues with it. When I told my BFF that I had quit drinking, her response was, "Oh, I'm sure you drink a lot less than most people." The fact is, if I THINK I'm drinking too much (whether it be 1 beer a week or 12 beers a night) I am probably right.

Hexipuff

Sounds like you have it sorted in your mind.

Give them a little chance to catch up with your decision.

My friends took a short while to accept this was how things were going to be with me.
A couple of them did not take it seriously and I see less of them now.
Built up a great network of coffee house friends now.
Your sobriety comes first and this is extra specially true in the early days
True friends will respect your choices.

Best of luck on your sober journey

MIRecovery

I do not mean this mean but get used to it. Normies will not get it today or tomorrow or ever. You are expecting them to undestand irrational behavior. To them it is, "Well just have a couple and you will not have a problem." "Yeah right, now there is a solution I never thought of."

I have found a second group of people that feel threaten by your recovery. These are the people that may have a problem themselves. Be very careful of these people because they want you to fail to justify thier own drinking. They will tell you that you do not have a problem, that you over reacted, that one drink will not hurt. Avoid these people like the plauge

Janis

Thanks for the perspective. It's true, they won't understand and I think they are disappointed that I started this "fade" before the big birthday. I think they think this is just a phase I'm going through. But it is impossible to get "normies" to understand the obsession. It's not really how much I drink, it's how I drink. That obsession is what scares me.
Either way thanks for the advice. I e-mailed my friend to let her know that I'm not drinking and if we could figure out plans so I can celebrate with her in a different way.

Anna

That's one of the reasons I didn't say anything to anyone when I stopped drinking.

I knew I didn't have enough energy left over to try to persuade someone else that I was doing the right thing.

PippoRossi

I agree with you, Anna. I am 65 days sober and have not shouted my sobriety from the mountaintops, even though I am VERY proud of myself! Just don't want to have to explain it to others.