krispy87

I spoke with someone today about this feeling of inadequacy I have towards others' experiences in regards to my reasoning for not having attended a meeting so far, and I was just wondering if anyone else has that feeling or has had it in the past.

Sometimes when I think about my situation and experiences (of which I wrote a blog entry about this morning) in terms of my addiction, I feel as though it is so petty in comparison to others' and that by coming here or going to meetings people will just be like "ah, she doesn't know what it's like to be in deep," or whatever the case may be.

I know I shouldn't compare myself to others, but it doesn't mean that this feeling does not exist.

MidnightBlue

Hi, Krispy.

I've just read your blog,

I do not think that your experience is inadequate. Alcohol affects us in different forms, and none of them is 'adequate".

I've been like you: excellent student, good daughter, held a good position at my job. I did not lose anythung of this to alcohol, actually. But somehow it began to creep into my life and ruin my own self bit by bit.

{At the time, and looking back, I attributed this to a sudden sense of freedom and obvious rebellion against my straight laced past.)

Yeah, that sounds familiar. Sometimes I was just sick of my "proper behaviour" that just needed to do something other than "proper". I was just trying to say "I have a right to be imperfect too!!!".

So be imperfect. There is no "adequate" or "perfect" alcohol problem. If you feel addicted, then it should be taken care of. None of my friends knows I have some problems with alco. And I believe, if I tell them, they'd think that I am just exaggerating, since I've never missed work or got in any trouble because of drinking or something like that. All my trouble is in my heart, and it is really bad.

The earlier you fight this, the better for you.

Take care.

Natom

Kris,

You know what my thoughts are on the subject. I just hope you get well hun

krispy87

I actually just read your message. thank you for your words. you're very right.

Natom

I'm not always right hun. But I think most people would agree with my viewpoint on this. I know you're scared but you just gotta go for it. If you don't wanna do NA, why not try SMART or AVRT. I don't know much about either but people on here bang on about it a lot.

Anna

We are all in different places in this journey. We are all on the road together, but moving at our own pace. It really doesn't help to compare yourself to others because things affect each of us differently.

Hollyanne

Krispy,
No-one in the meetings judges!
If anything, they will shake their heads and wonder why they couldn't get it earlier like you.
Most people will tell you, their HEADS got them into AA.
Not, the lost jobs, the lost houses, the lost families.
There are people in my meetings who stole money from their mother's purses, those who were in jail, those who killed people while driving.
There are those too, who were just sick and tired of being sick and tired.
All have the desire to stop drinking.
I am single with a job. No arrests, no job loss, bankruptcy, etc.....
I am sober for me! And after that my family and friends are happier too.
My body could go more rounds, my mind couldn't.
I went for a nap today and dreamt that I drank. A naggin of brandy, in bed!
Yuch!

MIRecovery

You will have respect not ridicule. No one is proud that they let their drinking get as bad as it did. It warms my heart everytime I see someone quit long before I did. We have the option of getting off the elevator before it gets to the basement. I got off at sub basement 2

Thepatman

Just one day making you unhappy, the your Alchool issue is exactly like all. that's all it
takes.

Maybe you are just smarter then the ones that had to hit a brick wall, stop, start again, hit another brick wall, then doctor says, your liver is completelly finished and you will never live a normal healty life.

Yeah, I think you are just wiser

zeroptzero

Ahem! (sound of papers shuffling). Very well then, everything seems to be in order. You may proceed. Enjoy your stay!

DisplacedGRITS

i too was very lucky. i drank a lot but my husband stuck with me and still loves me very much. the only things i lost were time and money. my friends are still loyal to me and i have no broken relationships over my drinking. but my drinking in and of itself is enough to "qualify" myself for AA. it was a taking over my life. i don't think about the fact that i hadn't lost anything. i think about the fact that i could have. i don't need to walk down that path. others have walked down it before me so why not learn from them? you don't need to have a tragic tale of woe to go to AA and share your story. you just need the desire to quit drinking. you are not less of an alcoholic because you got out early. you life doesn't have to be a sad country song to go to AA and sit and share. personally, i'm glad to share what alcohol did to me with young people who haven't lost too much time yet to help them see what could happen to them should they continue down the path they're taking. just go with gratitude in your heart that you got out early. you bring hope to old timers who are glad to see awareness being brought to a younger crowd. as a woman in my early 30s, that's what i've seen.

MalkavianEmily

There are times when I feel that I've been bl00dy lucky. Compared to a lot of people, I've got off lightly. But here's the thing. It's not about what you drank (or used), or where, or how much, or for how long. It's about what other things. Do you find yourself drinking more than you meant to? When you want to quit, can you? [I don't mean put it down, I mean quit.]
When I was using codeine, my days were get up, have breakfast early because I'd need an empty stomach later, find a chemist I hadn't been to recently (or ask somebody else to get me some), come back, prepare it... drink it, and then wait for it to take effect. And before it wore off, I'd be thinking about what I was going to do tomorrow... In short, it ran my life.
When I first tried to quit drinking - seriously tried to quit drinking - it lasted six hours. The next time lasted three days. I found I could not quit on my own. I very nearly didn't quit because I was finding it such a pain. When I tried to quit codeine... well, I had some of the tools to help me. It still took three or four goes...

There will always be somebody whose experiences will be worse than yours. If that bothers you, then you could always go back to the drink, and yours will, sooner or later, be just as bad.

As for me, I know now that my experiences were bad enough to get me through the door. And the more I listen and stop 'looking for the differences' and actually accept that (unfortunately) this is where I belong, the more I hear that I relate to.

krispy87

I like that. (well, not like it -- but you know what I mean)

Very true statement that I will carry with me.

Thank you all for your comforting and supporting words.

fallingtogether

Look for similarities, not differences!

Mizzuno

. Welcome to the community. You will find all kinds of different experiences here. I'm glad that your here.

Admiral

Addiction is a progressive disease, it only gets worse, never better. I never lost anything to alcohol or drugs, I never hit the bottom, but do I really need to before I decide to get help? If I had kept going like I was, I would surely be a daily drinker, and probably would have started smoking pot during the day, not just at night. That's how it works, it's progressive.

Rather than feel inadequate, realize that you aren't so different from everyone else, you just got off the bus a little sooner but were still headed to the same place regardless.

EAE

I'm only 23, so I feel the same sometimes. I never lost a job, however, I didn't finish college. That seems very petty compared to people who found themselves on the streets, but I stopped comparing myself to others. To me, not finishing college was, and is, a huge deal to me. So, I can continue drinking and end up at my rock bottom, or I can abstain and live the life I really want to live. When I compared myself to others in the past, I would rationalize that I wasn't a true alcoholic, and start the cycle over again. Not comparing myself to others and focusing on my own recovery is number one right now.

hypochondriac

I was plagued by these thoughts too Krispy. The thing I am starting to realise is that this kind of fear of 'not being alcoholic enough' was my AV talking. It was all in my head and there was never any basis for these thoughts in what people said to me here or in meetings. No one has ever doubted my alcoholic credentials or even asked how much I drank. It's kind of irrelevant really. Especially in AA where the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. It could have been a sip a day and you'd still be welcome.

onlythetruth

When I was in school (many moons ago) one of my professors said something that has stuck with me my whole life. He was actually talking about comparing our successes to the successes of others, and he said "No matter how smart, good looking, or rich you are there will always be someone smarter, better looking, or richer. ALWAYS. So get over it! Stop comparing and get on with your life."

Same thing here in the opposite direction. There is always going to be someone, whose addiction was worse than yours. Who lost more. Who hurt themselves more. Who drank more, who did more drugs. ALWAYS. So stop comparing, and get on with your recovery.

Life is too short to mess around with misery.

Threshold

Wellllll.....I've been to plenty of meetings where people were pretty dang pleased to brag at how bad they were, how much they lost, blah blah and endless blah...BUT, those are the meetings where people are in the problem. NOT the solution.

Many people feel "inadequate" when they come into the rooms and don't have a string of hair raising horror stories to share when the others start their "oh yeah, wait till you hear MY story" business.

Many of us addicts are plagued with a sense of inadquacy and it stinks to get into recovery and feel like we're SO lame we couldn't even do addiction up right!

I had a lot of those feelings in early recovery. I also felt cheated that I hadn't abused drugs to get high and party...I did it to zonk myself out from a lousy life...all those people had years of stories of partying etc etc before the crap hit the fan, and little old me...what was I doing instead of going to raves? I was raising kids and cleaning house and working jobs....

It's taken me awhile to get even THIS much perspective on things...and I have a LONG way to go.

THere are more people who will envy you than think you are a lamo...but most likely they are quiet like you are. It's important for us "boring" drunks and addicts to share our stories too...because I think it's common for our type to slink away because they feel as alone and out of place as we did.