escapist

I have to go to work today. Stayed home yesterday and did not drink. I drink at work. I have to get through today. I have to go to work. Oh what am I going to do? It was 4 years ago right about today that I started drinking again. I drank a bottle of Scope. That way I would'nt smell like booze. It made me sick and it opened the door to drinking again. I need to locked up.

firestorm090

If I had to drink at work, I'd stay home......permanently.

MIRecovery

As I said before

I am honestly happy and healthy today so if I can do it I know you can to. Being hopeless and drunk is an ending point. Make a step towards life. Make a doctors appointment with someone experienced in addiction.

escapist

I have thought about. If I do that a lot of people will lose their jobs. I have worked sober before. I just fall apart when I sit at the desk. I wish I could leave for a while. There is no one at work who can do my job. It's my responsibility to keep the company running even when I am half blitzed. I can't handle people anymore.

MIRecovery

So when you die of alcoholism you really screw the company the people. Your thinking seems to be a bit flawed IMO If you seek treatment at least there is a good chance for you, the people, and the company. No treatment does not seem to be an option.

escapist

So far so good. I just want to get through today. I keep telling myself I can do this. I do need to find a support group.

MIRecovery

AA is a fantastic support group

artsoul

I found that a lot of my anxiety actually came from drinking. Within a week of being sober, I felt much calmer (more positive, too). I think once you get through today you'll find that tomorrow will be a little easier.

It's tough, but you can do this. When you feel anxious, try to take some slow deep breaths. Stay in the moment, keep it simple, find something positive to be grateful for and above all, be patient towards yourself. This, too shall pass.....

FreeFall

I found not drinking really calmed me down too. You can do this, and SR is a great support group. "Just not for today (or just not for this minute sometimes" really helped me to get started. Baby steps add up to huge strides.

If your job is too stressful you may have to find another line of work. If you have people depending on you it's a huge disservice to them to be half in the bag while on the job. It's also unfair to you-you deserve better than the guilt, self loathing, and mess ups that come along with the drinking.

Dee74

If rehab is not an option, please so look at other support. Noone needs to do this alone

There's many different approaches and methods of recovery around - here's some links to some of the main players:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...formation.html

I recommend you visit the Secular Connections forum if you think you may benefit from a non 12 step approach.

There's also speaking with your DR, outpatient rehab, counselling...

If you want your life to change for the better, it's absolutely possible...but you need to reach out for help, escapist.

D